


iMade a Huge Mistake

by Samantha_Trewyn



Category: iCarly
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-15
Updated: 2012-03-15
Packaged: 2017-11-01 23:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 77,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/362523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samantha_Trewyn/pseuds/Samantha_Trewyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sam, you have to tell him!" "No! Carly, just keep this between us." Written before I got a beta.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There was no more denying it. Not after looking at the seven pregnancy tests sitting around the bathroom. I was doomed.

At this point, I had three options. I could just get rid of it and pretend it never happened, I could keep it, or I could give it away. I didn't like any of them. I wish it would just disappear.

Freddie always wanted a baby. Good old Freddie. Nobody thought we would last, but we did. We even invited everyone who talked about us behind our backs to our wedding. I looked down at my wedding ring. It made me feel dirty. Three years married.

I needed somebody to talk to, but I couldn't talk to Freddie. He would freak. He didn't need to know just yet. I could talk to Spencer, but then he would probably tell Freddie. Besides, Spencer was just weird to talk to now that I was married and he was living at home by himself. Ever since Carly moved out on her own he's been different.

I could talk to Carly.

That was my best option. My only option. Carly was the only one who had never judged me no matter what I did. I picked up my phone and started to dial her number.

No.

This wasn't something you could tell someone over the phone.

I put my shoes on, grabbed my jacket and walked out the door. It wasn't a long walk to Carly's place, but it felt like forever knowing what I was about to tell her. I took a deep breath and opened the door to her house.

"Carls! Where are you?" She came out from around the corner, wiping her hands clean with a dish towel.

"Hey, Sam. What are you doing here? Why didn't you call?"

"Have I ever called?"

"Sometimes."

"Good point. I have to talk to you." Carly set the dish towel town on the end table. She looked at me for a long time, probably trying to guess what I was going to say.

"Well are you going to sit down or stare at me?" I asked.

"News I have to sit down for?" she asked. I rolled my eyes.

"Just sit down." She followed my command and slowly sat on her couch. I paced back and forth in front of the couch. Carly watched me for an entire minute before she spoke up.

"What's going on, Sam? You look like a nervous mess."

"That's because I am a nervous mess!"

"Why?"

"Because. I have something big I have to tell you Carly, and I don't know how to tell you because I know how you're going to respond." Carly jumped up from the couch.

"Oh no! Are you and Freddie okay? Did you guys get into a fight? Are you getting a div—" I stared her down and she took her seat again.

"No. Now quit assuming stuff and let me finish." She made the lock and key motion with her fingers to her mouth and sat quietly.

"Look Carls…" I had to think about it. It was like a pile of peas I was pushing around on a plate. Pregnant. The word even tasted dirty.

"Sam. You know you can tell me anything. What's going on?" I shot her another look.

"I know that. It's just. I don't really understand it myself."

"Well just say it, maybe I can help you."

"Carly, I'm pregnant." Carly's mouth dropped open and she sat in shock for a few seconds before she jumped off the couch and hugged me.

"Oh my God! I'm going to be an aunt! What are you so worried about? That's great news, Sam! Oh my God!"

"Carly—"

"I have to start shopping! This is so great! I'm so excited for you!" Does Freddie know? Oh my God you have to tell him right away!"

"Carly!—"

"He's going to be so excited! Oh my God you guys are going to have such a cute baby! He or she is going to be so spoiled! You guys are going to be great parents!"

"Carly! I'm not done!" She released her grip on me and backed up. Concern flushed over her face.

"What's wrong?"

"Carly there's a chance-"

"A chance of what?" she cut me off.

"God will you let me finish what I'm saying?"

"Sorry."

"There's a chance that the baby isn't Freddie's."


	2. Chapter 2

“What?” I raised my eyebrows at Carly’s question. She obviously had heard me.

“I said Freddie might not—“

“I know what you said!” Even at 22 years of age she did the same jumpy yelling thing she would do when we were 14.

“Then why did you ask?”

“Sam!” she screamed.

“What?” I asked.

“You’re married!”

“I am? I totally forgot,” I stated sarcastically. Carly rolled her eyes, huffed and crossed her arms.

“Well that explains the ring on my finger.” I looked curiously at the ring, as if I had forgotten.

“Sam. Shut up. How did this happen?”

“Well, Carly. This guy and I were hanging out and then we started making out and then he took his clothes off and I took my clothes off and—“

“Okay! I didn’t mean that! Why would you…have…be with some other guy when you’re married?” Carly still wasn’t comfortable with the idea of sex. She refused to even say the word. The only time I’d heard her say it she got a disgusted look on her face. It was like she was swearing.

“Who is this guy anyway?” I panicked a little.

“You don’t know him.” Years of practice had prepared me for this. Carly didn’t need to know who I had been with other than Freddie.

“Well. Do you still talk to him?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes.” I shrugged.

“Well you shouldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because! You could cheat on Freddie again! God, Sam! What about all the promises you made when you married Freddie?”

Carly’s question caught me off guard. She didn’t understand how I felt about Freddie. If I ever lost him, I would be lost. I needed him in my life. It’s almost funny. I always thought I hated him, but deep down I had always cared about him. Always wanted him.

“Don’t you value anything?”

“God, Carly! Don’t you think I already feel bad enough? It was just one time and it won’t happen anymore but there’s still…that chance.” I whispered the end.

“Well have you told that guy you’re pregnant?”

“No. and I don’t plan on doing so.”

“Well he might be the dad, Sam!”

“It’s highly unlikely! Carly! Just quit judging me. I thought you were the one person I could talk to without judgment.”

It was quiet for a long time. Neither of us knew what to say. I stared down at my shoes with my hands in the pockets of my jacket. Carly rocked back and forth.

“Does Freddie know?”

It hit me like a ton of bricks. Eventually I would have to tell Freddie I was pregnant.

“No. He doesn’t know.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I’ll tell him I’m pregnant. I can’t hide it when I start showing.”

“Are you going to tell him he might not be the father?” Carly was making me mad. I had only hooked up with this guy once. For all I knew, Freddie was the father.

“Carly. He probably is the dad.”

“Probably isn’t definitely, Sam.”

“Well there’s no reason he has to know.”

“And what happens when you have the baby? What if it looks like the other guy and not Freddie? Don’t you think he’ll be suspicious?”

“What happens when I have the baby and it looks like Freddie and not the other guy? There’s no reason to hurt Freddie by telling him there’s a like 1% chance it’s some other guys kid.”

“Hurt Freddie? You should have thought about not hurting him before you got with some other guy!”

“Carly I already know all this. What Freddie doesn’t know won’t kill him.”

“It might.”

“Carly…”

“You better tell him Sam.”

“No.”

“Sam. If you don’t tell him you’re going to feel horrible. Imagine him providing everything for you. Talking to the baby. Building the nursery. Only to find out it isn’t his.”

“Carly the baby IS Freddie’s. I only said there’s a chance. A very small chance. Very, very, very small.”

“Sam, you have to tell him!”

“No! Carly, just keep this between us.”

“Samantha Benson,” I hated when she used my name. With Freddie’s last name tacked on it made me feel more guilty, “you tell him.” Carly started shoving me towards the door.

“No.” She shoved me onto the porch outside her house.

“You tell him, Sam, or I will.”

With that she slammed the door in my face and locked it.


	3. Chapter 3

I stood outside Carly’s house with my hands in my pockets, kicking rocks on the ground for five minutes. I realized she wasn’t going to open the door again. She was mad, and I couldn’t blame her. I turned away from her house and back down the street. I had to at least clean up the pregnancy tests before Freddie got home from work.

My cell phone started ringing. I took it out of my pocket and rolled my eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Hey. When can I see you again?” his voice was so smooth.

“Never. I can’t talk right now. I gotta go.” I hung up. Although I had only hooked up with him once, I had hung out with him a lot. I had known him for a long time, but I was married. Carly was right.

I walked up the front steps and opened the door with my key. Freddie and I still lived in an apartment, but we liked it better that way. My phone went off again.

_I’m giving you until tonight, Sam. You better tell him. I really will tell him_

Carly wasn’t giving this up. I hit reply.

_Leave me alone, Carls. He doesn’t have to know._

I started walking up the steps to our apartment. We lived on the fourth floor, but I needed time to think.

_I’m serious. He deserves to know._

Carly was starting to annoy me now. Of course, I could only blame myself. I was the one who decided to talk to her. I stuck the key in the keyhole of apartment 4D and opened the door. Something felt off in the apartment. I shut the door and walked around the livingroom slowly.

“Hello?” Freddie came out from around the corner. He was holding one of the tests in his hand.

“You’re pregnant?” Panic overtook me. Of course I had planned on telling him, but not like this.

“Umm…yeah! I was going to tell you tonight when you got home.” I smiled and pretended to be happy. Freddie approached me and put his arms around me. I reluctantly hugged him back. He backed up a bit and looked at me, hands still on my waist.

“Sam, this is great!” I faked a smile again.

“Yeah, it’s going to be…awesome.” Freddie kissed me.

“What are you doing home?” I asked. He smiled down at me.

“Got done early today. Carly texted me and told me you had something you wanted to tell me. Guess this was it. Sorry you couldn’t tell me yourself, babe.” I half laughed.

“Yeah.”

“We should go celebrate. Where do you wanna go tonight?” Freddie couldn’t hold his excitement in. He was such a nub, even now.

“Oh, I don’t wanna go anywhere. Just stay at home tonight. It’s not that big of a deal.” Freddie stared at me.

“What do you mean it’s not that big of a deal? Sam. We’re going to have a baby! We’re going to finally have a family.” The words stung inside my soul. Deep down I knew it was his, but the guilt of there even being a possibility it wasn’t was killing me.

“So how far along are you?”

“I don’t know, maybe like 2 months. I haven’t gone to the doctor yet.”

“I’m so happy for us, Sam!”

“Do we really have to go out?”

“I think we should.”

“Yeah but the baby wasn’t made out somewhere.” I had been lying for so long it came naturally to me.

“Yeah you’re right. But I want to do something special.” I kissed him.

“Well…” I raised my eyebrows at him. He smiled and we started walking to our room.

*Later*

We were sitting on the couch watching a movie. Freddie’s arm was around me and I was leaning against him. Every few minutes he would smile down at me. This was perfect.

At least it was until Carly burst in the door. Freddie looked at her in surprise, but I knew exactly what she was doing here. She had warned me.

“Sam. A minute.” She grabbed my arm and dragged me to mine and Freddie’s room.

“Well?”

“Well what? God, Carly. Why can’t you just leave this alone?”

“Because. You two are my best friends. I’m not going to let you leave him in the dark like this.”

“Carly! I already told you. There’s almost NO chance.”

“That doesn’t matter anymore, Sam. You promised to always be honest with him.”

“Stay out of this, Carly.” She was making me never want to talk to her again.

“No. You tell him or I will. I warned you, Sam.”

“Tell me what?” Freddie had walked in the room and was now staring at the both of us. I glared at Carly.

“Sam has something very important she needs to tell you.” She pushed me towards Freddie.

“It’s really not that important.” I shot a look back at Carly. She puckered her lips, popped them, and then started talking.

“Sam—“

“Carly!”

“What is going on here?” Freddie looked worried, and he kept looking between me and Carly.

“Sam cheated on you.” Carly blurted out.

“Carly!” I turned to her.

“Sam!” I turned to Freddie. Suddenly he was all that mattered. His eyes were glued on me.

“Sam…” his eyes begged me to say April Fools. To make the whole thing better. To tell him it was a lie. But I couldn’t.

“Who was it? When? _Why?_ ”

“Freddie, it doesn’t matter it wo—“

“Yeah, it does matter!” he yelled. He was madder than I had ever seen him. I hated Carly more than I had ever hated her before. I whipped around to look at her.

“Thanks a lot, Carly. I told you to mind your own business! I told you to stay out of this! You want to talk about hurting Freddie? He didn’t have to know this!”

“Yeah! He did! You’re his WIFE, Sam!”

“Yeah! I’M his wife! NOT you! Get over yourself!”

“Bite me!” I grabbed Carly’s arm.

“GUYS!” We both turned and looked at Freddie.

“Sam, answer me. When?”

“Freddie I mean it. It isn’t—“

“Important? Yeah. To me it is, Sam! To me, it’s important!” I crossed my arms and looked up at him. How could I have done this?

“It was…”

“When, Sam? Stop trying to avoid this! I want to know. Now!”

“I don’t know. Maybe like…two months ago.” I mumbled. Freddie turned his back to me, stood there for a second, and then whipped back around.

“So it might not even be OUR baby.”

“Freddie it IS our baby!”

“How do I know? How do YOU even know?”

“I just know! I can feel it.”

“Who did you hook up with?” The time had come. I should have known he would ask this.

“You don’t know—“

“Don’t lie to me!” I sighed and looked down at my feet. I couldn’t believe I was in this situation.

“It was Brad.” I could hear Carly gasp behind me. If she was mad before, she was even madder now. Freddie turned and stormed out of the room.

“Freddie!” I walked after him. He whipped around and was in my face.

“Brad, Sam? Really? Of all people!” I touched his arm.

“I don’t care about him! I care about you! You’re the only one I need for the rest of my life, Freddie.” He backed away from me.

“I’m done, Sam.” He grabbed his jacket and slammed the door behind him. I just stared at the door.

“You told me I didn’t know him!”

“Oh please, Carly. I don’t want to hear you anymore. You did this!”

“I did this? YOU cheated, NOT me!”

“I told you he didn’t have to know!”

“You know what? I don’t have to listen to this. This isn’t my fault. He deserved to know. You’re supposed to be his wife, Sam. If you can’t admit that this is wrong and you screwed up then I guess you’re going to be lonely the rest of your life.” Carly pushed me out of her way and stormed out the door. I was left standing in my livingroom, listening to the sound of nothing.


	4. Chapter 4

I had been alone in our apartment before, but it never felt so empty. I could steal hear echoes of the door slamming shut. I had really messed up. I could hear my phone going off in our room. I ran to it, hoping Freddie would be calling.

_Staying with Spencer. Don't call or text. Shutting phone off._

My heart sank. I had to go to the doctor. I had to find out where I was in this pregnancy.

I hit reply.

_Freddie. Come home. Please. We can talk._

I sat on our bed and looked at my hands. Three years. It wasn't right. I knew I had screwed up. Hell, I even admitted it to myself every day for the last two months. I opened a new text to Carly.

_I'm sorry. I know I screwed up. This is my fault._

Nothing I did would ever make this right. I scrolled through the contacts in my phone. Brad. His name jumped out at me. I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Suddenly, my phone went off.

_Why is Freddie freaking out at me?_

As if on cue, Brad had texted me. My eyes filled with tears. I had to tell him everything, even though I didn't want to. This wasn't the Sam I had been my entire life. Freddie had changed me into someone better.

_He knows. And I'm pregnant. Please don't talk to me anymore._

I deleted his number from my phone. Nothing I ever said to Freddie, or to Carly, or to Brad would ever change what happened. Nothing I did from here on out would make them believe that this is Freddie's child.

_I don't want to talk to you, Sam Puckett._

I had really screwed up. Freddie hadn't called me Sam Puckett since he had asked me to marry him.

_You're pregnant? Is it mine?_

If I had felt like dying before, now I was even more into that feeling. It wasn't Brad's. Even if it came out and looked like him I would never believe it. This was our baby. Mine and Freddie's. Nobody else's.

_No. It's Freddie's. Please leave me alone._

I silenced my phone and layed back on the bed. I had shared this bed with Freddie for five years. This is where I had felt the closest to Freddie. Every night, laying next to him, I felt safe. I sat up, turned around and crawled over to where Freddie slept. His pillow smelled like him, and the more of his scent I took in the more I realized that I couldn't lose him. I don't remember when I started crying, but once I started I couldn't stop. That man was my life.

I heard a knock on the door. I sat up anxiously, hoping Freddie had come back. Instead I saw Spencer standing in the doorway.

"You come to judge me too?" he shook his head. Spencer had always been the father figure in our lives. He had always been the one to show us what it's like to be part of a real family.

"Nope," he leaned against the doorframe and looked at me, "wanna talk?"

"Not really." I wiped my eyes and brought my legs into my chest. Spencer came into the room and sat next to me.

"You know, Sam. I watched you and Carly and Freddie grow up. I've seen how you guys have matured and grown as friends. Obviously you and Freddie ended up being more than friends, but you have grown up. Freddie told me what's going on, and although I'm not going to judge you, I am going to say this. I know you know it's messed up. I know you know that you shouldn't have done it. You're a smart kid, Sam. Well, you're not a kid anymore, but you catch my drift. I don't know how all of this happened, but know something. Freddie loves you. Freddie always will love you. If you prove yourself, things will be fine."

"I can't prove myself. He left. You know that. I never wanted this to happen. I don't even know why it did. I can't blame Carly because she's right. He had the right to know, but it doesn't make it any easier telling him."

"Have you apologized?" I thought about it. I hadn't actually told Freddie I was sorry. I had told him everything but that. I had never had an easy time apologizing. Even after so many years with him it still made me feel sick. I knew apologizing meant I did something wrong.

"No."

"Well, that's where you start." Spencer patted my leg and left. My hands were shaking when I picked up my phone again. I had three texts waiting.

_How do you know its Freddie's? It could be mine._

_It IS your fault. I already said this. Leave me alone._

_Open the door._

Spencer's text had made me laugh a little bit. It was so different from the others I was getting. I clicked on the first text I had in my inbox from Freddie. It was from the day we got engaged.

_I love you Samantha Benson. I can't wait to spend my life with you._

I had saved the text because it always made me smile. Today it just made me feel like crap.

_Freddie…I'm sorry. Please come home._

I waited 20 minutes for a text back from him. Nothing came. I layed back in bed, smelling his pillow and crying. Soon, I drifted off to sleep.

*Around midnight*

I opened my eyes and realized everything was dark. Everything except the livingroom. I could hear the T.V. going so I rolled out of bed and walked out. Freddie was sitting on the couch.

"Hey," I spoke softly. Freddie just nodded at me, never taking his eyes off the T.V.

"Can I sit by you?" He folded his arms and kept looking at the television. It was an infomercial, and I was sure he wasn't watching it. He just didn't want to talk to me. Or look at me. Or be by me. I sat next to him, close enough to feel safe but far enough away so he wouldn't get mad.

"Can you turn the T.V. off?" I asked him. I didn't want to push him. I didn't want to fight. He picked up the remote and shut it off. At least I knew he was listening.

"Why'd you come back?"

"Because. I promised through thick and thin until death do us part. One of us had to remember the vows we made." The words stung, but he was right.

"I'm sorry. Freddie. I've never felt worse in my life."

"Good. You should feel bad." So he was still mad. I couldn't blame him. I had done something that wasn't easily forgiven or forgotten.

"Just tell me why."

"I don't know why," I looked down at my hands.

"Yes you do, you had to have a reason to do it, Sam."

"I don't know. Maybe. Maybe he made me feel safe. I don't even remember why I was with him."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought if I just ignored it, didn't acknowledge it, pretended it didn't happen. I thought it would go away. I thought everything would be fine and we could just move on." He snorted.

"It doesn't work that way."

"I know."

"So you tell Carly, but you don't tell me. You try to make Carly keep quiet about it. What's your deal, Sam? I thought we were passed that stuff. Keeping secrets?"

"I didn't know what else to do. When I took all those pregnancy tests I got scared. I felt guilty so I ran to Carly like I always do. Turns out Carly's grown up more than I have."

"And what would have happened when you had the baby? Did you think I wouldn't notice if it didn't look like me?"

"I don't know, Freddie, okay? I don't know what I was thinking."

"You know what scares me more than anything, Sam? We've been trying for three years to have a baby. You have never gotten pregnant before. Now you have sex with Brad behind my back and you're pregnant."

"It's not his."

"How do you know?"

"I just know. It's a gut feeling."

"Doesn't change anything, Sam. How you feel doesn't change anything. How am I ever supposed to forgive you? How am I ever supposed to look at you without thinking about what you've done? How am I supposed to kiss you again or have sex with you again or hold you again or sleep next to you again without wondering if it's really me you're seeing, Sam?"

"I don't know," he was tearing me apart and I deserved it. Nothing would ever be the same.

"Yeah well neither do I."

"You don't have to forgive me. Ever. In fact it's probably better if you don't. I don't deserve it. All you need to do is remember that I married you. I love you more than I could ever imagine loving anybody or anything else. If I ever lost you, I would never survive. Look at what you've made me into. I've never been more scared in my life."

For the first time in this whole conversation he looked at me. I could see how much it hurt him. He wasn't mad, I had judged it wrong. I could see his bloodshot eyes. He had probably spent the whole night just crying. I looked away.

"Look at me, Sam." I had to. I owed him everything.

"What I don't know won't kill me, right? Isn't that what you told Carly?" I winced. I should have known he would talk to Carly, and that she would spill the whole conversation. He turned towards me.

"Well it does kill me, Sam. Right here," he put his hand on his heart, "this is where it kills me. When I married you, Sam, every word that came out of my mouth came from here. Every day I've spent with you, every time I've said I love you, every time I've seen you smile it all got locked away in my heart. The stupidest thing you could ever say is that it wouldn't kill me. I feel betrayed. It doesn't matter if it was only one time or that it won't happen again or whatever. It's still one time too many. If I had known this marriage would be a joke to you I wouldn't have bothered."

"It's not a joke to me! I meant everything I said when I married you. From the first text I sent you to the last "I love you" before we went to bed I meant it all."

"Prove it, Sam!" I pulled him to me and kissed him, just like I had kissed him the day I married him. Just like I had kissed him every day of our honeymoon. I didn't stop kissing him until Brad walked in. Freddie turned and looked at the door. His body tensed up and I knew this wouldn't be good.


	5. Chapter 5

I grabbed Freddie’s arm.

“What are you doing here, Brad?” Freddie’s voice was like ice.

“Sam never texted me back. What are you doing here? I thought you were staying at Spencer’s.”

“I came back to MY apartment to talk with MY wife. And she doesn’t need to text you. Now get out.”

“Not until I talk to Sam.” Freddie broke out of my grip and slowly walked towards Brad.

“We can either do this the easy way or the hard way, Brad, but either way you are leaving. Now.”

“Freddie—“ I wanted him to stop. I didn’t want him to get into trouble.

“Shut up, Sam.”

“Why do you talk to her like that?” Brad pointed to me as he asked the question.

“Hey why don’t you mind your own business?” Freddie stepped towards him. I got up off the couch and walked between them.

“Stop!” I put my hands on Freddie’s chest and tried to push him back. I was usually stronger than him, but his blood was pumping and he was mad.

“Move, Sam.”

“No. I don’t want you getting into a fight right now.” Freddie looked down at me, grabbed my face and kissed me. He kissed me for a long time. He broke away from the kiss, moved me to the side and punched Brad in the face. I jumped back and covered my mouth.

“Freddie!” I approached him as he shoved Brad into the wall. He was in his face.

“Stay away from my wife.” He growled.

“Your wife,” Brad smiled, “your wife came onto me, Benson.” He pushed Brad into the wall again and Brad groaned.

“You will never talk to her or see her again, Brad.”

“Or what?” I started pulling on Freddie’s arm again.

“Or I’ll rip you apart.”

“Freddie! Stop!”

“She’s a grown woman, Benson. I think she can make her own decisions.” Brad smiled again. Freddie grabbed my arm and pulled me closer. He shoved my left hand in Brad’s face.

“She’s already decided.”

I saw his wedding ring.

“You’re wearing your ring.” I stated.

“I never took it off.”

“Sam did. Right before she had sex with me” Brad laughed. I wanted to throw up. Freddie looked ready to kill and I felt ready to die.

 “Freddie’s right. I made my decision three years ago.” I said.

“If you really wanted him you would have never gotten with me, Sam Puckett.” Freddie tightened his grip on my arm.

“Benson.” I corrected.  Brad lowered his voice.

“Sam. Baby--”he practically whispered it. Freddie’s eyes were fire.

“Don’t call her that.” He hissed. Brad smiled at Freddie again. He had a lot of nerve messing with Freddie. Hell, he had a lot of nerve messing with both of us.

“You don’t have to stay with this loser anymore, Sam. We’re having a baby.” Brad smirked.

“That’s it. You’re done.” Freddie shoved Brad into the hallway, slammed the door and locked it.

“Freddie—“

“Stay away from me, Sam.” Freddie was pacing back and forth in our livingroom. I stood in the corner with my arms folded. My phone started ringing in our room. Freddie looked at me and walked into our room. I followed him. He picked up my phone, looked at it for a minute and then threw it against the wall. It shattered into pieces. Freddie just stared at the wall where he had thrown it.

“I—I’m so—sorr---sorry” I stuttered. Freddie looked over at me. He took two long strides towards me and crushed his lips to mine. He was only kissing me because he was mad, but I didn’t care. As long as he was mad at Brad and not me I wouldn’t care. He had me against the wall and I could feel his fingers on my skin. I broke away from him.

“Freddie. No. Not because you’re mad.” He looked down at me. He looked like he would cry any minute, his eyes were so sad.

“Sam. I’ve never told you how much you mean to me. I’ve never made you feel special. You are my world. I need you more than I need air. I never want you to think I don’t love you. I never want you to think the only reason I do something is because I’m mad. I never want you to think that when we fight I don’t care about you or don’t want to be with you or don’t want to be around you. You are everything to me. I know you’re not perfect and neither am I. Nothing you do will ever change how I feel about you—“

“Freddie—“

“No, right now you need to listen. I promised to love you, to cherish you, to be with you when you’re sick, when you’re healthy weather we’re rich or we’re poor. Those are the promises I made to you. And I have to be honest here, Sam. I think you’re still scared. I think you’re still scared that I’m going to run out on you. I think you’re still scared that I’m going to leave you to be by yourself like your mom did, but I won’t. We come from two different sides, Sam. I know it’s scary for you to put your whole trust in somebody because you don’t know if they’re going to break it. You don’t know whether or not they’ll be there when you wake up in the morning. I’m never leaving, Sam. And if I ever made you feel alone or ever made you feel unloved I’m sorry. I don’t know why you cheated on me, but I know I believe you when you say you won’t do it again. There’s a reason I married you, Sam. I knew I needed you with me the rest of my life, not just three years.”

“Freddie stop—“

“No. Sam. You can’t be afraid to put yourself out there with me. I’d give you the sun if you asked for it. And if you’re scared of the world I’ll walk by your side every minute of every day. No matter what you do, Sam, I’m going to be here. You could kill somebody and I would back you up.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Well then I’ll be right back,” I started to push him away and he just laughed.

“Now Sam, let’s be rational.” He kissed me again, not as rough, but softly.

“The point is I couldn’t leave you if I tried. No matter how mad you make me I’ll still be here. And even if that baby comes out and it’s the spitting image of Brad I’ll be here. There’s no way to get rid of me, Samantha Benson. I love you with every part of my heart and soul.” He hugged me.

To feel his arms around me, to feel safe. I couldn’t have asked for a better moment and I never wanted it to end. I didn’t need anybody else. Freddie was the only person in the world I needed.

“Can we go to bed now?” I asked. He chuckled.

“Well I would, but somebody cried all over my pillow.”

“Shut up.” He rubbed my back.

“Why did you seem so surprised I was still wearing my ring?” he asked me. I hadn’t even remembered saying anything. At that point I was just so mad and so disgusted with myself.

“I don’t know, I guess I assumed you took it off.” I mumbled into his shirt

“Never. Besides I think my fingers grown since we got married. I don’t even think I can get it off.” I laughed a little.

“I love you. Even if you don’t believe me.”

“I do. I love you too. More, in fact.” I always hated when he said that. I thought it was stupid to argue who loved who more.

“I know.” I mumbled. The truth was that I was very tired. Nothing had been more draining than the day I had had.

“Do you think Carly will ever talk to me again?” I asked him.

“Yeah. Just give her time,” he said. He kissed the top of my head. “Alright. Bedtime sleeping beauty.” He picked me up and carried me over to the bed. Then he dropped me. I looked up at him.

“What the hell, Benson?”

“You really shouldn’t talk to yourself, Sam. They say that’s not healthy. Do you wanna end up in Troubled Waters again?” he smirked. I couldn’t help but smile.

“I’d relive that moment any day.” I said. He laughed and walked over to his side of the bed.

“Me too.” He flipped his pillow over and layed down next to me. He put his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. This is how I always wanted it to be.

“I just have to know.” I rolled my eyes and turned over to face him.

“You just have to know what?” He smirked again.

“I’m better than him, right?” I never thought Freddie would turn something so serious into a joke.  I laughed.

“Of course.” I stated.

“Good. I love you, Samantha Benson.”

“I love you too, Freddork.” He laughed and we both fell asleep peacefully.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning I woke up and looked over at Freddie. He was passed out. He was laying on his back, one arm above his head, his other across his stomach. His wedding ring shined in the sunlight. I pushed his hair out of his face and just looked at him. He looked so innocent. He rolled over, put his arm over me and opened his eyes.

“Go back to sleep.” I whispered. He shook his head.

“mm-mm” he mumbled. He leaned in to kiss me.

“Oh hell no, you have morning breath.” I backed away as he laughed.

“So do you.” He chuckled.

“Hey Freddie?”

“Yeah?”

“I really am sorry.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” he mumbled. I sighed and rolled out of bed. Freddie whined.

“Where are you going?” he asked. I pushed my hair out of my face.

“I’m going to make breakfast.” I said. Freddie jumped out of bed and grabbed me around the waist.

“No. The last time you tried to cook you almost burned the place down.” I rolled my eyes.

“No I didn’t, Freddie. Besides, anything tastes better than your mom’s flavorless food so what are you complaining about?”

“I’d like to have a place to live after eating.”

I rolled my eyes at him.

“Well can I at least go take a shower?” I scoffed. He smirked.

“That depends.”

“Oh God. On what?”

“Can I come with you?” he smiled and I laughed.

“I don’t know that’s up to you.” I turned around and walked towards the bathroom.

*Later*

“Hey, Carly wants me to go over to her place for a bit. You wanna come?” I was drying my hair when Freddie asked.

“Carly doesn’t want to talk to me, remember? She hates me.”

“Come on, Sam. She’ll get over it. Now get dressed.” I stomped over to the closet.

“You don’t have to stomp around, Sam.”

“I just don’t feel like getting into any more fights. I’ve already been through enough of them in a day.”

“If she doesn’t want to talk to you, Sam, she’s not going to say anything to you. Besides, you and Carly don’t really fight. You just…kinda…bicker at each other.” I turned towards him. He approached me.

“I love you.” He stated as he smiled and reached into the closet.

“Wear this.” He held up a sun dress Carly had bought me.

“Why?”

“Because Carly bought it for you for your birthday.”

“I hate dresses.”

“But if you wear something you bought her she can’t ignore you.”

“Why do we have to go to Carly’s? I just want to stay here with you.”

“I don’t know. She sent me a text that said “Freddie. Need you right now. Come over!”

“Well I’m sure it’s not that important.”

“Just get dressed.” He dragged me into the bathroom and shut the door, locking me in. I dressed myself and walked out.

“Let’s go.” I said. Freddie smiled.

“You look good.” He said.

“Come on Fredweird.”

*At Carly’s*

Freddie knocked on the door. Nobody answered.

“Carly?” he yelled through the door. No answer. Freddie and I looked at each other and I broke the door open.

“Carly?” we started looking around the house. I ran to Carly’s bedroom where I saw him.

“Freddie!” Freddie came running into the room.

“I must say I didn’t expect you to come, Sam. But I had to talk to you.” Freddie put his arm around me.

“Where’s Carly?” he asked.

“She’s at your apartment, probably looking for you guys.”

“She texted me to come over.” Freddie pulled me closer to him.

“No, that was me,” he smirked and turned to me, “nice dress, Sam.” Freddie looked at me and then we heard the door slam. Carly walked into her room and stared at us.

“What are you doing here? I thought you needed me at the apartment.” She looked at Brad, then at me, then back at Brad.

“What are you doing in my house?”

“I needed to talk to Sam.”

“And you came to my house why?”

“Because I TRIED to go to her apartment—“

“It’s OUR apartment, Brad.” Freddie snapped.

“and talk to her but FREDDIE has some sort of chain on her.”

“No, I don’t. Sam doesn’t need to talk to you. Period. And stop complimenting her.” Brad raised his eyebrows and laughed.

“Complimenting her? She didn’t tell you? That’s the dress—“

“Brad quit!” I folded my arms and looked down at the floor. He took a step back and looked towards the ceiling with a laugh.

“That’s what Sam was wearing the night—“ I broke away from Freddie and pushed Brad across the room.

 “When I have this baby, I’m going to get a paternity test and prove it’s not yours. One time isn’t enough to get pregnant. Besides, it was only like six seconds and you pulled out five seconds before you were done.” Brad’s smile vanished.

“Shut up, Sam.”

“Make me!” Brad’s nostrils flared.

“If you don’t shut your mouth you won’t be having a baby.” He growled. I stared at him. Freddie grabbed my arm.

“Come on, Sam. Let’s go home.”


	7. Chapter 7

Freddie moved his hand from my arm down to my back and spun me to hug him. He rested his chin on top of my head. I was so mad I was shaking and Freddie was too. The door swung open and Carly pushed Brad out of her house. Brad stared at us and Freddie turned me away from him.

“Get lost, Brad.” He snapped. Brad walked down the steps and walked away.

 “Hey. Why don’t you go back to the apartment? I’m going to go for a walk.” I looked at him and then at Carly. She nodded at me. I walked down the steps of her porch and walked towards the apartment, only turning around once to see Freddie just standing on the porch by Carly.

X

As soon as I got back to the apartment I took the dress off. I slashed a hole in the dress and used the hole to rip the dress apart. It went in the garbage. I grabbed a shirt and pair of sweatpants out of the room I shared with Freddie. I changed and sat on the couch. I looked around our livingroom. Pictures of Freddie, Carly and I surrounded me. I grabbed Freddie’s computer off the coffee table and opened it. I wanted to watch old episodes of iCarly. Well, there was only one that I really wanted to watch. We had ended iCarly when we graduated high school. We were 18 years old.

* _flashback_ *

_“Before we finish our final episode of iCarly,” Carly started._

_“We want to thank ALL of our viewers for sticking around! We wish you luck in your futures!” I continued._

_“Speaking of futures, our technical producer, Freddie, has something he wants to say.” Carly smiled and Freddie set the camera down. This hadn’t been planned._

_“Thanks Carly.” Freddie turned to me._

_“Uh, what are you doing?” I asked. He took my hands._

_“Sam, you are the most amazing person I’ve ever met. Every single moment in my future I think about has you in it. I know we don’t always get along and things between us haven’t always been perfect, but I love you.” I bit my tongue, avoiding the witty remark I had on the tip of it._

_“Tomorrow we make the second biggest walk of our lives together. Graduating with you is awesome, but it’s not a forever thing.” Freddie turned to Carly, who handed him a box._

_“Uhh, Freddie—“ He kneeled in front of me._

_“Sam Puckett,” I started shaking my head._

_“Forever isn’t just a word, it’s a feeling. I will love you forever. I will respect you forever. I will make you feel like a queen forever. But only as long as you promise to spend forever with me.” I looked over at Carly who turned her head a bit and raised her eyebrows. She was trying to hide a smile._

_“Ah—I—holy chiz,” I started laughing, “of course!” Freddie stood up and pulled me to him._

_*End*_

I opened my phone and opened a new text to Carly.

_Is Freddie still at your house?_

I stared at the blank T.V. for a while. It was really quiet in the apartment. My phone rang.

_No. He went for a walk._

I leaned back against the couch. I stood up and walked into the kitchen. At least I could eat something while I was waiting.

Ham was my friend.

*a few hours later*

I had cleaned the whole house, washed, dried and folded all the laundry, scrubbed the floors. I was laying on the couch staring at the ceiling. I heard the door open and turned to see Freddie walking in.

“Hey,” he shut the door.

“Hey. Where have you been?”

“I went for a walk, Sam, is that okay?”

“Well, yeah. But for three hours?”

“I went to hang out with some friends.”

“Oh.”

*you guys I’m like almost in tears listening to Jennette McCurdy sing : ) if you guys haven’t heard her sing you need to look her up! She’s amazing!*

He threw his jacket on the counter and walked towards the couch. I sat up and he sat down next to me.

 “Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know how I’m going to do this,” he took a deep breath.

“Do what?”

“Trust you. Look at you. Be a dad to a baby I don’t think is mine.”

*Oh jeez, guys seriously Jennette McCurdy. Look up her singing. Ah-may-zing! I mean, it kind of makes me wanna go see her live and hold up a SEDDIE FOREVER sign!*

“That’s it, I’m out.” I stood up and walked to the door. Freddie followed me and held the door shut.

“No. You have no right to get mad at me for feeling that way. THREE YEARS, Sam! We’ve been trying for three years. Nothing happened, Sam. Nothing!”

“So what? You want to tell me that every other couple who tried for years without anything happening that suddenly got pregnant cheated? That the baby is some other guys just because they were unsuccessful before?”

“No, Sam! But it doesn’t make sense!”

“Well I’ll prove it to you!”

“It doesn’t change how I feel!”

“Yesterday you were fine!”

“No! I was NOT fine, Sam! I’m still not fine!”

“Neither am I!”

“What do you have to be upset about, Sam? I didn’t cheat on you! There’s no chance that I’m gonna have a baby with another girl!”

*you guys, I’ve been writing for 4 ½ hours and my sister and I are watching Teen Mom and throwing a giant stuffed duck at each other*

“Because I hurt YOU, Freddie!”

“Yeah you did!”

“Just let me leave!” Freddie opened the door.

“Fine! You want to leave? Maybe you can go meet up with Brad again!”

I stared at Freddie. He was breathing hard and staring at me. His hand was on the doorknob and his knuckles were white. I took my wedding ring off, grabbed Freddie’s free hand and gave it to him. I walked out the door and slammed it shut.  I took two steps down the hall and sat with my back against the wall and cried. I could hear something break in our apartment and I knew Freddie was stomping around.

I had nowhere to go.  Carly still hated me and I didn’t want to be around Spencer or Gibby. I just sat in the hallway, crying and thinking. I heard the door get thrown up and Freddie storming towards me.

“Stand up.” He demanded. I shook my head and he grabbed my arms and picked me up.

“Look at me, Sam.” If I didn’t he would make me, so I looked straight into his face.

“Why would you take this off?” he shoved the ring in my face. I had no answer.

“Sam! Why would you take your ring off? Do you not want to be married to me anymore?”

“No, Freddie I do—“

“Then WHY did you take off your RING, Sam?”

“Because you shouldn’t be married to someone you don’t trust, Freddie! And you can’t trust me!”

“No, I can’t trust you! You cheated on me! You cheated on me and then you took your ring off and walked out the door!”

“What choice do I have? I thought everything was fine!”

“Oh I don’t know you could sit down and talk about things like an adult instead of running away all the time!”

“Freddie---”

“You know what? If this doesn’t mean anything to you then it doesn’t mean anything to me!” he dropped the ring on the floor and walked back to the apartment.


	8. Chapter 8

I picked up the ring and walked back to the apartment. If I was going to leave I was at least going to take my stuff with me. I opened the door and looked around the apartment. Pictures were all over the floor, and the apartment looked like a mess. Freddie was standing in the kitchen facing the wall resting against the counter. I walked past him and into our room, grabbed my suitcase and started pulling my clothes out of the dresser and closet. I turned and saw Freddie standing in front of me.

“holy—“ I jumped. He walked over to my suitcase and shoved it off the bed, throwing clothes everywhere. He slammed the closet door and dresser drawers shut. Someone knocked on the door and he stormed towards it. I got on my hands and knees to pick everything up.

“Freddie, what happened in here?” I heard Carly’s voice.

“Did you bring it?” he asked.

“Yeah, but—“

“Good, put it in the DVD player.” He walked back into the room and pulled me off the floor, dragging me into the livingroom. Then he pushed me onto the couch.

Carly looked at me and then at Freddie.

“Don’t ask, Carly. Just play it.”

The screen filled with a video of me. I remembered this; the priest wanted us to make videos to each other defining what our relationship meant to us. I had thought it was stupid, but I did it because it was important. It made us realize why we were getting married.

_”It means not taking advantage of you. It means being by your side when things go wrong and when they go right. It means listening to you, trying to feel how you feel, putting myself in your position. It means talking, not running no matter how hard it is to face—“_

He paused it and looked at me, eyebrows raised.

“Do you even understand what being married means, Sam?”

“Yes.”

“No. I don’t think you do. I think you think it’s a piece of paper and a ring. I don’t think you get the whole big meaning behind it. And I’m tired of trying to show you, Sam. All I’ve done since we got married is try to make you feel special and important. All I’ve done since we got married is try to prove to you that you can trust me and you can talk to me and you can count on me,” he licked his lips and watched me, “and what do you do, Sam? I’m so mad. So unbelievably mad. Everyone told me not to do it but I did it anyway because I believed in you. I thought you trusted me. I thought you were a better person. I thought you were passed the lying and the secrets, but apparently you aren’t. I could have anybody I wanted right now, Sam. But I keep sticking around for you. You know, people were telling me they saw you with Brad and I shook my head and told them no. I told them you had changed since high school but that’s a lie.”

“Would I have ever told you back in high school?” I turned on him.

“You didn’t tell me now! Carly did! You weren’t going to tell me, Sam!”

“I would have eventually.”

“You should have told me when it happened!”

“No I couldn’t. I came home and took like seven different showers and I still feel dirty from it. All I wanted to do was forget about it and I did until I took those stupid tests! It wouldn’t have mattered if I wasn’t pregnant. I could have just forgotten about it, never talked to Brad again and been happy with you and none of this would be happening right now.”

“But you were still talking to Brad! You were still talking to him up until Carly came and told me you cheated. Obviously you were talking to him after that, too, or he wouldn’t have shown up here. He wouldn’t know about you being pregnant.”

“I don’t talk to him anymore.”

“No, because I broke your phone.”

“No. Because I don’t want to talk to him anymore.”

“Why did you decide now that you don’t want to talk to him?”

“Because I don’t want to lose you.”

“But you took your ring off, Sam, not me. I remembered that I was married to you even after all the crap I found out you did. My ring never came off. Not even now. You don’t even sit and talk to me about this. You just leave. You just decide that not being around me and running off is better than facing the fact that you did this.”

“Freddie I just don’t want to fight about it anymore.”

“It’s going to be a fight, Sam. Put yourself in my shoes. What if I cheated on you? How would you feel?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes you do. You know exactly how you would feel.”

“Freddie—“

“I don’t want to hear you lie anymore.”

“I’m not going to lie anymore. Just listen to me. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t like the thought of it. I know it was a huge mistake. I’ve known for two months that I did something I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want to hurt you and I didn’t want this to ruin our relationship.”

“It’s a little late for that. So if you wanna leave, Sam, then I’ll go get the divorce papers tomorrow.”

“No!”

“What?”

“I know I messed up and I’m sorry and I know you’re going to be mad for a long time and I know you’re never going to forget this or forgive me, Freddie, but I can’t lose you. I don’t have anybody else. There’s nobody else in the world who gets me like you do and there’s nobody else in the world who has put up with more from me than you have. I’m terrified that you’re going to leave just like everyone else did, and I know how you feel, I get where you’re coming from. I do. But I’m never going to mess up like that again, that’s something I can promise.”

“You’re promises don’t mean anything, Sam, they’re easily broken.”

“Not this one.”

“And what makes this one different? You promised when you married me that you were going to stick by me and you walked out. You promised when you married me that I was going to be your only and that was broken too.”

“Because I never realized how much I needed you until this whole thing went down. It’s not a want anymore, Freddie, it’s a need. Every single time I think of you leaving or imagine you being with someone else I feel sick. I can’t stand thinking about being alone.”

“I’ve heard this all before.”

“Freddie—“

“No, Sam. You don’t know how to open yourself up for me and I can’t force you to do it. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

“Please…” He looked at Carly across the room.

“Come on Freddie—“ Carly started.

“No, shut up Carly. Freddie, every person I’ve trusted has let me down.”

“Have I?”

“No.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“It’s always in the back of my head. I always say I’m going to lay everything down on the table. Every fear I have every weakness every moment I’ve had in my life that I’ve felt alone and all I can think is that it’s going to scare you off and you’re going to leave.”

“Am I still here?”

“Yes.”

“Even after you cheated on me. Even after the fact that you could be having someone else’s kid?”

“Yes.”

“And didn’t I tell you that no matter what I’m going to stick around?”

“Yes, but—“

“But nothing, I’m not your dad. I’m not your mom. I’m your husband. I don’t care what they did. I’m not going to.”

“How do I know?”

“You don’t. You just have to trust me, Sam.” He nodded at Carly who left the apartment and sat next to me.

“Years ago I told you that I know it’s hard to put your feelings out there because you never know if the person you like is going to like you back, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Didn’t it feel so much better to put yourself out there?”

“That’s when it worked out. There’s no guarantee that anything else will.”

“No. There’s not. But you can’t just rule out opening yourself up in fear that you’ll be rejected, Sam. Rejection is a part of life, but it’s not something that’s going to happen every single time you talk or feel something.” I looked at the floor.

“And I married you. I keep saying this, I know, but I did. Better or worse. Even when you’re at your most vulnerable I’m going to love you. It doesn’t matter if you feel like a complete idiot. Your feelings matter to me. Your fears and your weaknesses matter to me. You need to stop putting walls up. You’re never going to be happy if you keep blocking everyone out. I’ve been trying to get in, Sam. I’ve been trying to prove that you can open up, but every time you get close to being a human and talking about how you feel you shut down. You say what you think people want to hear and you keep how you feel locked away. Fear isn’t an excuse to keep everything hidden.” I sighed.

“If I wanted to leave right now—“

“No, Freddie. Don’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t stand to lose you. You are way too important to me. My whole life revolves around you and I can’t have a baby without you.”

“That’s what I mean, Sam. That’s not what I want to hear. You say the same thing every single time I say I’m mad or want to leave.”

“Because that’s how I feel, Freddie.”

“Yeah but there’s more to it, Sam. You’re hiding something. I know you are.”

“No—“

“Yes, Sam. I know there is. And you’ll feel a whole lot better if you just admit it.”

“There’s nothing to admit.”

“Yes there is. It’s always on your mind and on the tip of your tongue but you never let it out.”

“Freddie, I’m telling you—“

“No. You’re telling yourself. I know exactly what you keep locked away. I don’t need to hear it, but you need to say it if you’re ever going to be happy, Sam.” We sat in silence for a while, and then he stood up.

“Fine, Sam.” He walked towards the door.

“Freddie—“

“If you can’t do something to make this better, Sam, then I’m just going to leave.”

“No—“

“Bye.”

“Freddie, I don’t want you to go to Carly!” He turned around.

“Was that so hard to do?”

“Yes because it scares the hell out of me every single time you’re mad or you want to leave because I know you still love Carly. Even if you aren’t in love with her, you still love her and I don’t want anything to happen where you end up with her and not me.”

“It won’t happen.” He smiled.

“How do I know?”

“You just have to trust me.”


	9. Chapter 9

Freddie stood up and started to walk to the bedroom.

“Babe?” he turned around.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Trust means truth.”

“Yes it does.”

“Then come sit down.” He took his seat next to me again and faced me. I inhaled and let it out slowly. Freddie waited.

“The night I—met up with Brad.” Anger flashed in his eyes and he tried to mask it.

“Yeah what about it?”

“Well my mom showed up here.”

“Okay.”

“And I don’t know, I hadn’t seen her in like five years you know? Since I moved out. So then we got into a huge argument about her ignoring me.

* _flashback_ *

_“What do you want?”_

_“Don’t talk to me like that.”_

_“Why? Not like you care what I have to say anyway.”_

_“You’re such a little shit. I don’t get how you even got married.”_

_“Jealous?”_

_“Not even close PRINCESS.” She sneered._

_“Again. What do you want?” I folded my arms._

_“Just wanted to see if you were miserable and wanted to come live back with me yet.” She had walked in and was now looking around the livingroom._

_“Nope. Happier than I’ve ever been no thanks to you.”_

_“This place is disgusting,” she scrunched up her nose, “what’s the horrible smell?”_

_“That would be the smell of clean.”_

_“Since when do you clean?”_

_“I’ve always cleaned; you’ve just been too busy trashing everything up including yourself to notice.” She turned on me and her face was inches from mine._

_“There’s nothing wrong with how I live.”_

_“Is this supposed to scare me?” she slapped me and I laughed._

_“You haven’t changed much.”_

_“Yeah neither have you. Little shit.”_

_“Just leave.”_

_“Where’s that boy of yours?”_

_“Boy? We’re 22 years old. I know you don’t remember my birthday but jeez.”_

_“Who cares how old you are?”_

_“Obviously not you.”_

_“Obviously not you,” she mimicked, “damn right. All I know is one day I was living life and the next day I’m in the hospital.”_

_“Why did you even come around here? I don’t bug you.”_

_“Glad to hear it SUNSHINE. Couldn’t stand dealing with that attitude of yours every day. Anyway I came here to introduce you to your new dad.”_

_“Really? I think I need a new mom.”_

_“Fuck you, Sam.”_

_“That’s incest.” She pushed me into the wall and stormed out._

* _End_ *

“So then I went for a walk because I was so mad and Brad pulled up in his car. You were at work and Carly was on a date and he was just there so I decided to go for a ride with him and just kind of vent. It kind of felt like I was talking to you. I really wanted to talk to you but I couldn’t bother you while you were at work. Well then stuff just happened and before I even realized what I was doing it was just done.” I started picking at my nails and Freddie took a deep breath.

“And that’s it? Nothing else happened?”

“Well, I cursed out the door after my mom left but yeah that’s it.” Freddie sat quiet for a while.

“See? Now you’re mad.”

“Of course I’m mad, but not at you. I mean, I am kind of mad at you but I guess I’m more hurt by you. But Brad, he should have known better. But just because I’m mad doesn’t mean I’m leaving and it doesn’t mean that I’m not incredibly relieved to know everything that happened.”

I leaned back against the couch again and Freddie put his arm around me.

“Sam?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t. You’re right, which I hate by the way, I should have told you when it happened.” He kissed my forehead.

“Yeah.”

“I love you, Sam. Don’t ever do it again. And don’t ever be afraid to call me when I’m working. If it keeps you from doing something stupid then I don’t care.”

“Your boss might care.”

“He’ll get over it.”

“Freddie…what if it isn’t yours?”

“Then we deal with it.”

“But—“

“Look, Sam. It scares me too. But DNA doesn’t mean anything. As long as we raise the kid together it will be our kid. People adopt kids all the time and they don’t love them any less. I don’t love you any less after this whole mess and I’m not going to subject a poor baby to all this drama. Right now we take it one day at a time and when you have the kid we’ll deal with it.”

“Why are you so good to me?”

“Because you’re worth it.”

“Do you think Carly will ever forgive me?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”

“Eventually.”

“Do you think I’ll ever forgive myself?” Freddie looked at me for a long time.

“That’s up to you, Sam.”

“I should probably clean this mess up,” I sighed.

“In the morning.” Freddie mumbled.

“You know perfectly well you’re going to wake up tomorrow and step on broken glass because you forgot it’s here.” I laughed.

“And how are you going to pick up broken glass, Sam? You’re going to end up cutting your hands open.”

“Ha! You never lived with my mom.”

“Thankfully.”

I stood up and started picking up the pictures off the floor.

“I’ll buy new frames tomorrow.” Freddie stated.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I like having them up.”

“Well, whatever makes you happy.”

Freddie started picking up the glass off the floor.

“You know, Sam. I think we need to get pictures done together. Just us. Without Carly.” I looked at him.

“But Carly’s our best friend.”

“Yeah but we’re married. We should have pictures of just the two of us in our apartment. Carly isn’t part of the picture when it comes to the two of us.”

“Freddie…you really don’t have to do that just because of what I said earlier.”

“Oh I’m not saying it because you’re jealous of Carly.”

“I am NOT jealous of Carly.” Freddie smirked.

“Okay, Sam.”

“I’m not.”

“Whatever you say.” I raised my eyebrows at him.

*just had a mini heart attack because I thought I saw someone standing in the doorway and there’s nobody there. Holy crap.*

“Watch it, Benson.”

“Oh relax, you already said you were.”

“No. I said I don’t want you going to her. That doesn’t mean I’m jealous of her.”

“Then what does it mean?”

“It means I don’t want you going to her. I want you all to myself. I don’t share.” Freddie snickered.

“Jealousy, Sam. That’s what it’s called. I know it’s a new feeling for you.” I crawled over to him and helped him pick up glass.

“You’re so full of it, Freddie.”

“Full of what?”

“Ha!”

“Oh just breathe. I’m not going anywhere. Not to Carly or any other girl.”

“Good.”

“As long as you admit you’re jealous of Carly.”

“Oh my God, I’m not jealous of Carly.”

“Just wait, Sam.”

“There’s nothing to wait for. I’m not.” I stood up and brought the glass to the garbage can. Freddie followed me. We took the vacuum to the rest of it.

“Well—“

“Well nothing.” Freddie laughed again.

“You’re so cute, Sam.” He hugged me.

“Shut up.”

Freddie’s phone rang in his pocket and he took it out.

“Who’s texting you?”

“Carly.”

“What does she want?”

“Nothing important.”

“Let me see. I’ll tell you if it’s important or not.”

“Your jealousy is showing.”

“I am NOT jealous of CARLY” I growled as I grabbed his phone.

_Hey. Still need a place to crash tonight? Couch is open._

I hit reply.

 _No. He doesn’t. Piss off, Carly._ Freddie snatched his phone back right after I sent the message.

“This doesn’t scream jealousy?”

“No. I’m just annoyed. She’s always trying to move in on you.” His phone rang again.

“What did she say?”

“Sam—“

“What?”

“Can I read my own texts without you freaking out?”

“No. What did she say about me?” Freddie rolled his eyes.

“She said ‘mind your own business. Treat your guy right and he won’t need anyone else.’” I turned around and stormed out the door.

“Sam!” I heard Freddie following me.

“Sam, don’t start anything!” I walked out into the cool air of the night and stomped down to Carly’s house. Freddie grabbed my arm and tried to pull me back as I banged on Carly’s door. She opened it and glared at me.

“What do you want?”

“Back off, Carly! I’m so sick of you always trying to move in on Freddie! God, get over yourself—“

“Why don’t you just shut your big mouth for once, Sam, and stay out of it. This doesn’t even concern you and if you hadn’t CHEATED on him we wouldn’t be standing here right now would we?”

“No we would be because weather I cheated or not you’ve always tried getting in between us! You always think you need to know everything and be there to “help” but you’re so full of it! You’re just a nosey cow!”

“Sam—“ Freddie started pulling on my arm again.

“Nosey cow? That’s the best you’ve got?”

“Oh hell no. You’re an inconsiderate, selfish, backstabbing, nosey cow! Get out of our business!”

“Make me, Puckett.”

“Benson. Don’t act like you forgot being there Carly! He married me! Not you!” Freddie pulled me back down Carly’s steps.

“This isn’t over, Carly Shay! Don’t ever text my husband again!”


	10. Chapter 10

When we got back to the apartment Freddie shut the door and looked at me.

“What?”

“What was that all about?” he snapped

“You know exactly what that was about.” He hugged me.

“You really didn’t need to go over there.”

“Yes I did. She’s always putting herself into things that don’t include her. And who does she think she is? Telling me it doesn’t concern me? It’s all about me.”

“Wow, Sam.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I made an appointment for you at the doctor tomorrow.” He backed up.

“For what?”

“Because you’re pregnant. Did you think you were going to go a whole pregnancy without going to the doctor?” I rolled my eyes at him.

“No. But when did you make this appointment?”

“When I went for my walk.” I walked into the kitchen.

“I’m so hungry!” Freddie laughed.

“We can go out.”

“No I don’t want to go out.” I whined.

“Well I can order you some pizza.”

“Mmmm, pizza.” I rubbed my stomach. Freddie laughed and I layed on the couch. Freddie’s phone went off and I glared at him.

“If she’s texting you again—“

“Shut up, Sam.” I jumped off the couch and walked over to him.

_If Sam shows up here one more time I’m going to call the cops._

I laughed. Cops? Yeah like they scared me.

“If Carly texts you one more time I’m going to do a double fist dance on her face.”

“Just relax.”

“Just relax,” I mimicked, “she’s lucky you broke my phone or I’d be blowing her phone up. Literally.”

“Just go sit down,” Freddie started texting back. I folded my arms and waited for him to stop.

“What, Sam?”

“Why do you always defend her?”

“I defend everyone who comes into contact with you,” he mumbled, playing with something on his phone.

“Ha! Hilarious.” I scoffed. Freddie laughed and put the phone to his ear.

“Are you calling her?”

“No. Jeez, Sam. Go sit down.” I pulled a chair up to the counter and sat. Freddie snickered and shook his head. Then he walked away to talk on the phone. I spun around in the chair a couple times before he came back.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m HUNGRY!” I whined again.

“It’s coming, come on.” He picked me up out of the chair and put me on the floor. I went over and layed on the couch while he walked into the bathroom. I groaned. Freddie came out of the bathroom and I sat up so he could sit down. I layed my head on his lap.

“I’m going to die of starvation.”

“You complain too much.” He clicked on the T.V.

“Where’s the pizza?” Freddie laughed.

“I ordered it five minutes ago, Sam.”  Someone knocked on the door.

“They’re fast!” I jumped off the couch and ran over to the door, whipping it open.

“Hello, Sam.” I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t you ever get sick of bothering people?” Freddie walked over to the door.

“I see your husband’s home.”

“Yeah and we’re TRYING to enjoy our night.” My hand was still on the doorknob.

“Hi Mrs. Puckett.” Freddie half waved.

“It’s Mrs. Juieilander”

“Okay? Nobody cares, mom. Go home.” I started shutting the door and she threw her hand out, stopping it.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in? That’s what nice little girls do for their mothers.”

“I’m not nice and I’m not a little girl. Goodbye.”

“Oh Freddie, I don’t know how you put up with her.” Freddie rolled his eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

“Not everyone is as stupid as you, MOTHER.”

“I’m not stupid, I just had to put up with your shit for 18 years.” She moved her hand off the door.

“Opposed to what I had to put up with which was…? A walk in the park?”

“I gave you everything you needed.”

“No, you didn’t. Spencer, Carly and Freddie did.”

“Oh cry me a river, Sam.” Freddie slammed the door in my mom’s face and locked it. My mom started banging on it but Freddie just pulled me over to the couch and turned the volume up.

“I’d like to know who told her where we live.” I hissed. Freddie just shook his head.

“Doesn’t matter now.”

“I can’t believe you just locked her out,” I laughed. Freddie laughed too.

“Well she doesn’t need to come over here and talk to you like that. I don’t care if she’s your mom.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”


	11. Chapter 11

We were in the car on the way to the doctors. Freddie took the day off just to do this. He wanted to know more than I did. The doctor’s office was 20 minutes from our house and it was silent. It was time to face the music. I had my arm up on the window and my head was resting in my hand. Freddie was in a bad mood and it was bringing my mood down as well.

“So what do you want to have?” Freddie asked me out of the blue.

“What?” I looked at him and dropped my arm.

“The baby.”

“It’s too early to tell Freddie.”

“I asked what you wanted not what you thought it was.”

“Oh, I don’t know. What do you want?”

“It’s your baby, Sam.”

“It’s your baby, too.”

“Yeah well we’ll see about that.” Freddie stared straight ahead and I rolled my eyes and went back to leaning against the window.

“You know you’re going to feel really stupid when the baby comes out and looks just like you.”

“Don’t even talk to me about that, Sam.”

“You brought it up.”

“Just shut up.” I huffed and we went back to not talking.

“I’m surprised you didn’t invite Carly”

“Oh my God, Sam.” He shook his head.

“Are we there yet?” I adjusted in the seat. I hated uncomfortable silences in small spaces.

“Do you see the doctor’s office?”

“No.”

“Then obviously we aren’t there yet.”

“Okay Freddie, what did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something?”

“Nope. Woke up on my side.”

“What the hell is your problem?”

“You’re my problem. You’re stupid problems with Carly. Like you have any reason to be pissed off at her.”

“Oh, I have plenty of reasons to be pissed off at Carly.”

“Not really.”

“Whatever, Freddie.” He pulled into the parking lot of the doctors and parked. I jumped out of the car, slammed the door and walked towards the door. Freddie grabbed my arm lightly and I turned around.

“I’m sorry.” He said. I rocked back on my heels and then stood straight again.

“Mmmhmm” I mumbled. He rolled his eyes.

“Fine. I’m not sorry.” He let go of my arm and I walked into the doctor’s office. I sat down and Freddie checked in at the desk, then he took the spot next to me.

“I’m not going to fight about it anymore. I’m just annoyed with you being jealous of Carly and Carly being jealous of you. It’s just been stupid drama.” I turned towards him.

“Carly’s jealous of me?” I wanted to laugh.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Yes you did. You said you’re sick of Carly being jealous of me.”

“Just drop it, Sam.”

“I knew she wanted you.”

“Quit while you’re ahead.” He grabbed my hand. We sat for a long time waiting. The place wasn’t even busy, and I had never been here, but I already hated it.

“Samantha Benson?” a nurse called my name and I stood up. Freddie followed me.

“First we need to weigh you.”

“You have to weigh me to tell me how far along I am?”

“It’s just to chart your weight gain throughout your pregnancy.”

“Sam, quit arguing and just do it.” Freddie snapped. I stepped on the scale and the nurse wrote something on her clipboard.

“Just this way,” she led us down a long hallway and brought us into a small room.

“The doctor will be in with you in a little bit.” The nurse left and I sat on the table. Freddie hugged me.

“Let’s just stop fighting.” He mumbled. I nodded.

“Okay.” I pulled him closer to me and put my head against his chest. There was a knock on the door and Freddie broke away as the doctor walked in.

“Hello. I’m Dr. Mielsnet” Freddie shook his hand.

“Freddie Benson.” The doc turned to me.

“You must be Samantha.” He smiled.

“Sam.” I corrected.

“So Sam, what brings you here?”

“Well I took a bunch of pee tests and they said I’m pregnant.”

“Okay, and you’re here to find out for sure?”

“No, I’m here to find out how far along I am and when I’m supposed to pop the kid out.” Freddie shook his head and sighed.

“Alright, why don’t you follow me, I’ll take you down to Amy, our ultrasound tech.” I stood up and Freddie put his hand on my back, guiding me out of the room. We followed the doctor back down the hall and into another room. There was a T.V. monitor and a ton of medical equipment. There was a table similar to the one in the room we just came from.

“Hi Dr. Mielsnet.” Amy greeted him cheerfully.

“Good morning, Amy. This is Sam and Freddie. They’re looking to find out how far along they are in their pregnancy.” The doctor smiled and Amy stood up and walked over to us.

“Hi, I’m Amy. I can tell you where you’re at and answer any questions you might have. Come lay back on this table and pull your shirt up. Freddie, you can sit in the chair next to her, then you can both see the screen.” I layed back and Freddie sat next to me.

“Wait why do I need to pull my shirt up?”

“Because I’m going to show you your baby and the only way I can see him or her is through his piece of equipment called a transducer. I have to put this ultrasound gel on your stomach so I can slide the transducer around.” I pulled my shirt up and the nurse squeezed the gel onto my stomach. It wasn’t cold like I thought it would be. She took the transducer and pushed it onto my stomach. It felt weird, but the baby popped up on the screen. There wasn’t a whole lot to see. It didn’t even look like anything. Just a blob.

“Well from the looks of it, it looks like you’re probably about eight weeks along.” She snapped a picture.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m taking pictures so you can see how your baby develops throughout your pregnancy.”

She took twenty pictures of the blob and gave them to Freddie. Freddie looked sadly at them. I don’t think anything scared him more than knowing that this kid might not be his.

“Is there a way you can tell like what day it was made?”

“We can’t give an exact day, just a rough estimate of what time it would be around.”

“And when would that be?”

“Around the beginning of August I would say. I’d put your due date around May 2.” I groaned and looked at Freddie. He looked at me and smiled, but I could see the hurt in his eyes. Amy looked at me funny and then grabbed a wet wash cloth and started wiping my stomach off.

“You’ll have to set up some appointments for us to check up on you and see how you’re progressing. You can do this when you leave or after you get home and figure out your schedule.” She said. I pulled my shirt back down and slid off the table.

“You’ll need to go pick up some prenatal vitamins. Be careful, don’t get into any fights or lift anything too heavy. Avoid having anything hit your stomach. Try to eat healthy. We only want you to gain 50 pounds at the most.” She rambled off all the rules. Good thing Freddie was a good listener, because I just wanted to get out of there. Amy smiled at me and I walked out of the room. I stormed out to the car. It was locked. I wasn’t mad, but I couldn’t handle the rest of the day with Freddie knowing he was hurting. He walked out of the hospital slowly and approached me. He rested his arms on my shoulders and folded his hands on top of the car. He looked right into my eyes.

“When the baby is born, I want to do a paternity test. I don’t want to wonder my whole life whose kid it is. Even if it comes out negative it will still be our baby. I’m done arguing about it. Period. I don’t want to hear any more about Brad. I don’t want to hear any more apologies about what happened. I just want to move on. I don’t want to sit at home every single night and moap around because of this. What’s done is done.” I nodded. He walked away from me and unlocked the car.

X

We got back to the apartment and Freddie threw the keys on the counter.

“I’m going to take a shower.” I announced. Freddie sat on the couch and turned the T.V. on.

“Have fun.”

“More fun with you.”

“Not today, Sam.” He stared straight at the television, so I walked into our room and grabbed some different clothes. Mine smelled like hospital and ultrasound gel.

The hot water felt nice and the steam helped me clear my head. I could have stood in the shower forever, but I wanted to make sure Freddie was okay. He was my only concern. I got out of the shower and wrapped my hair up in a towel. I dried myself off and got dressed, then rubbed most of the water out of my hair with the towel. I threw my hair up and walked out of the bathroom. I could hear Carly in the livingroom, so I stopped to listen.

“Carly, you need to leave before you piss Sam off even more.”

“Who cares if Sam gets mad?”

“I care if Sam gets mad. She’s my wife. She’s already been through enough drama.”

“She’s been through enough? What about us, Freddie. She lied to us.”

“WE are not together, Carly. I will deal with how I feel in this situation the way I need to as her husband and you deal with it how you need to as her friend.”

“She doesn’t deserve you, you know.”

“I need her, Carly. And I want you to leave. I’m sick of arguing all the time.”

“You don’t need her, you just think you do.”

“She’s my WIFE. What aren’t you getting about this?”

“You don’t have to stay with her. You could be with someone who would never hurt you like that.”

“I want to stay with her and yes, I have to stay with her. Bottom line is that there’s a chance it could be Brad’s but there’s a higher chance it’s mine and I’m not going to divorce her just because you don’t like her.” I peeked around the corner.

“You shouldn’t even like her anymore.”

“I love—“ Carly kissed him. My entire body turned to fire. Freddie pushed her away and backed up.

“Get out.” He hissed and pointed to the door. Carly folded her arms and stood there. I edged towards her and she looked at me and smiled.

“Not so fun being on the other side is it, Sam?” I lunged at her, knocking her down.

“Sam!”

Nothing felt better than when my fist made contact with her face. Carly couldn’t fight. Not even if she tried. I remember the first hit but none after that. My anger was controlling me. I couldn’t hear anything or see anything. I just remember feeling myself being pulled back and fighting every last second of it. When I started to calm down I could see the damage. Freddie was keeping me from hitting her any more, but it didn’t matter. Her face was cut up from my ring that I had put back on last night and she was covered in blood, but she never shed a tear. She was tougher than I gave her credit for. She stood up off the floor and walked out the door.


	12. Chapter 12

“Sam, quit!”

“Why’d you stop me? She deserved it!”

“I know she did but the doctor told you not to fight, Sam.”

“That wasn’t a fight that was me tearing her face apart!”

“And what if she would have hit you back?”

“She didn’t have a chance.” I had stopped moving and Freddie and I were just standing there.

“Promise you aren’t going to chase her down?”

“No.”

“Sam.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that you weren’t pissed off about what she just did.”

“I am but I’d be madder if you hurt that baby just because you’re mad at Carly.”

*what the heck is with Sam drinking pickle juice? Lol. And right now I’m watching part of iSaved Your Life on youtube like the end part and I’m like God Carly I hate you your such a stupid sleeze lol and I love how Freddie like storms away from her on his crutches. Has me cracking up.*

“Well SOMEBODY needs to beat her up.”

“Sam, you don’t always have to beat people up just because they do something that makes you mad.”

“No, just people like Carly.”

“Sam.”

“So you’re telling me I have to wait seven more months to kick her ass?”

“Oh just stop. Besides you got blood all over your ring.”

“Please just let me go kill her.”

“Sam that will land you in prison.”

“Pft, prison? Ha!”

“Sam. Just stop. I need to go wash my mouth out.” I turned around and saw the disgusted look on his face. I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing him to me. He pulled me closer to him.

“You smell like Carly’s blood,” he murmured.

“Yeah you smell like Carly.” I laughed and kissed him. I started to back up to go wash my hands but Freddie wouldn’t let me go.

“mm-mm” he mumbled and then he kissed me again.

“Okay, Carly’s germs are starting to freak me out.” I stated as I backed away from him. He laughed and walked into the bathroom. I followed and sat on the counter. Fifteen minutes and half a bottle of mouthwash later Freddie turned to me. I jumped off the counter and he kissed me again. His phone started going off in his pocket so I took it out and threw it to the floor, then I stomped on it for good measure. It stopped ringing and we looked down at the broken pieces on the floor. Freddie looked back at me and chuckled, kissing me again. He cupped my face in his hand and looked at me.

“I’d rather kiss you,” he reassured, “than any other girl in the universe.” He used his other hand to intertwine our fingers and then he kissed my forehead. I smiled and hugged him, taking in his scent. We walked back out to the kitchen and Carly burst back in the door. You could still see the cuts all over her face and a black eye was starting to form but she had cleaned the blood off. Freddie rolled his eyes and I laughed and started walking towards her.

“Sam—“ Freddie started.

“Quiet Freddie.”  I refused to let him talk me out of this. Carly smirked and folded her arms

“Come back for more, Carly? Didn’t get beat up enough?”

“I could have you arrested, Sam, so watch what you say to me.” I pushed her and her arms went straight down to her sides.

“Arrested? You think I’m afraid of you?” I pushed her again.

“You don’t belong with him.” She clenched her fists and I snickered.

“Hit me, Carly, I dare you.” She looked back at Freddie.

“Don’t look at him like he’s going to help you. You’re on your own. He’s MY husband, he’ll always defend ME.” I pushed her for the third time. She was up against the wall.

“You’re so lucky you’re pregnant.” She growled. I raised my eyebrows.

“You couldn’t win against me if you tried Carly Shay.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“You came back to MY apartment. I could do anything I wanted to you right now and nobody would care. I could say you broke in and you were trying to steal from me and just beat the hell out of you. I could beat you within an inch of your life.”

“But you won’t.”

“Wanna bet?” I hit her in the face. Freddie started to walk over but I put my hand up.

“Stay over there.”

“Sam, you aren’t supposed to—“

“Don’t.” Freddie folded his arms and just stood there. Carly was breathing heavy and her temper was starting to show.

“I am not afraid of a pathetic little girl like you.” I sneered and hit her again.

“Why’d you come back, Carly? To yell at me? To tell me all the things you could do? I don’t care. I’ll kick your ass with the cops watching and kick you when they drag me away. Did you not learn not to mess with me? Did you not learn not to show your face around here again?”

“I can go wherever I please.” She said through clenched teeth.

“You can go wherever you want except for here.”

“Freddie loves me. He just won’t admit it to you. He doesn’t want to get hurt by you. You’re such a psycho.”

“Freddie’s in love with me. Not you. You’re just living in some sort of fantasy land. And if you keep it up you’re going to see how psycho I can get.” I shoved her back into the wall. Carly pushed me back.

“Carly—“

“Shut up, Freddie. I got this.” I held my hand up to him again.

“Hit me, Carly.” I taunted. Carly just looked at me.

“Well what are you waiting for? You’re so tough right? Hit me.” I pushed her. 

“Sam, stop.”

“Hit me, Carly! You think you can fight then prove it! Hit me!” She looked around the room and then back at me.

“What? You scared to hit me? Scared of what would happen? I dare you. Do it.” I hit her in the face again. Freddie walked towards us again.

“Sam, you need to stop—“ he started. I hit Carly again and stepped so close to her our noses could touch.

“Hit me! Go on! Prove how “bad” you are, Carly!” she cringed and I grabbed her hair and threw her on the floor again. She layed there for a minute and I leaned over her.

“Get up, Carly! You think you’re so badass! Prove it!”

“Sam, stop it. Now.” Freddie warned. I kicked her and heard her cry a little.

“Sam!” he yelled. Carly stood up.

“Hit me, Carly!” I screamed. She shook her head trying not to cry and Freddie grabbed my arm.

“Just leave, Carly. And don’t come back here.” Carly turned around and walked out the door.

“You really need to stop that before she really does have you arrested.”

“She’s too scared, she won’t do anything.”

“Would you just grow up, Sam? She could have hurt you. The only reason she won’t hit you is because you’re pregnant.”

“She’d never hit me. She doesn’t know how to fight.”

“And you don’t know how to get along. Now come here.” He brought me back into the kitchen and set cereal in front of me.

“I’m gonna kill her if I ever see her again.” I said. Freddie shook his head.

“No you won’t.” he sighed. I nodded.

“Yes I will.” He rolled his eyes.

“What’s with all the drama? It’s only been like three days.” I started eating the cereal and shrugged.

“I can’t stand her.”

“She was your best friend before all this happened.”

“She was only my best friend so I could watch her. Make sure she wasn’t trying to pull anything.”

“Give me your ring.” He demanded. I looked at him.

“For what?”

“So I can clean it off. It’s disgusting.”

“I can clean it off myself.” I turned back to the food.

“Just give me the ring.” I slipped it off my finger and set it on the counter.

“God, you really pummeled her. I hope this comes off.”

“It’s not clothing its jewelry.”

“Ha ha.” He mocked and walked to the sink.

“You really need to control your temper, Sam.”

“You really need to let me beat her ass.” He brought the ring and a wet wash cloth back.

“Is this what you’re going to teach our kid?”

“Yup. To stand up for herself.”

“So you want a girl then?”

“I think a girl would be perfect. She can be just like me.” Freddie snickered and shook his head. He started wiping the blood off my hand.

“I don’t think we need another like you.”

“So you’re telling me that if the roles were reversed you wouldn’t want to kick the other guy’s ass.” Freddie’s stopped and his face got serious.

“I do. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to.”

“Sorry.”

“Just drop it.” I jumped off the chair and put my arms around him.

“So we should see a movie today, I think.”

“Oh yeah?” he smiled down at me.

“Yup.” I smiled.

“Like what?”

“What do you want to see?” I asked him.

“You don’t like those movies.”

“Oh yeah, they’re kind of boring. And, like, middle school.” We laughed.

“Well I think before we do anything we need to go get new phones.”

“Yeah I suppose your right.”

“Go put your shoes on I’ll clean this up.” He grabbed the bowl off the counter and I ran to the door and got ready to leave in a matter of seconds. Freddie quickly washed up the dishes and threw his jacket on.

“Let’s go.” He stated.

“Wait.” He turned and looked at me and I wrapped my arms around his neck again and kissed him. He smiled.

“I love you.” He murmured. I hugged him.

“I love you.” I repeated him. I grabbed his hand and we walked out the door.


	13. Chapter 13

We decided to walk because neither one of us wanted to be in the car. If I drove I would probably drive straight into Carly’s house, and Freddie didn’t like driving. His hand was still in mine and I loved the feeling I got when he looked at me. We reached the cell phone store and Freddie let go of my hand.

“I’ll be right back.” He walked into the store and I sat on the bench outside. It was a nice day. The sun was out but it wasn’t hot or cold. It was the perfect temperature. I just sat there and watched people walk by. I wondered if any of them were having problems in their own lives. I wondered if any of them had ever hurt someone or been hurt by someone. How many of them had families? How many of them were looking for love? People were funny.

Freddie came out of the cell phone store with a bag. He held a phone out to me but before he let me take it he gave me a warning.

“This is a new number. Don’t give it to Brad. I mean it.”

“Like I would want to.” He put his arm over my shoulder and we walked to the theater.

“And one last thing. If I find out you’re sending any nasty texts to Carly I’ll take it away.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

“I’m serious, Sam.”

“Jeez why don’t you just relax?”

“I will when you promise to leave Carly alone.”

“Are YOU going to leave Carly alone?”

“That’s the plan.”

“Fine.”

We walked into the theater and waited in line. I told Freddie I didn’t care what we saw as long as I got to be with him and throw popcorn at people. He had let me know that if I got caught he wasn’t going to admit to being at the theater with me. I knew the movie would be stupid since Freddie was a techy geek and all, but at least it got us out and away from Carly.

“Babe, I’m going to go wash my hands. I’ll be in in a minute.” He moved away from me.

“Okay.” I nodded and walked to the theater. It was already dark and the previews were showing. We had made it at the perfect time. I sat down in a seat on the floor and stared at the screen. It was going to be the most entertaining part of the whole movie. Someone sat next to me.

“Hey babe, how long is this movie?” I asked as I turned. Brad was in the seat next to me.

“What the hell do you want?”

“We need to talk.” He whispered.

“No, we really don’t need to talk. Piss off.”

“Sam, I want a paternity test.”

“How’s this? The kid’s not yours. Bye.”

“Sam, you can’t deny me the right to find out if the kids mine and if it is you can’t deny me the right to see it.”

“Really? Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do. Get lost.”

“You didn’t knock yourself up.”

“Neither did you. You better go before Freddie comes back. He’s been anxiously waiting for you to fuck up again so he can kill you.”

“Sam, baby—“

“Don’t call me that. I’m not your baby. Go away. I’m trying to watch the previews.” Brad touched my hair.

“Sam, my offer still stands. You can come with me.” I shoved his hand away.

“No. God get away from me.” He leaned closer to me.

“Are you deaf? I said get away from me.”

“Sam, give me a chance. I could make you very happy.” He was breathing on my neck and it was making me uncomfortable. I pushed him away.

“Seriously. Go. Away.” He touched my face.

I shoved his hand away again. “Brad! I said get away from me! Damn!”

“Wouldn’t you feel so much better if you were with the father of your baby?” I stood up as Brad was pulled back and thrown across the floor. I looked over to see Freddie standing by the seat. He was glaring down at Brad.

“What part of it don’t you get, Brad? The part where she tells you to get away or the part where she’s pushing you away from her?” Brad stood up.

“And for the record, that’s not your baby.” Freddie fumed.

“Prove it.” Brad sneered.

“Easily.” Freddie pushed Brad.

“You really want to start a fight here, Benson?”

“You already started the fight. You have no business or reason to be bothering Sam.” I looked around and saw that everyone was staring at us. Some were even pointing. Brad got in Freddie’s face.

“Wait til that baby comes out and it looks just like me. You won’t have a kid or a wife anymore. They’ll be with me.” Freddie glared at him but never moved.

“Never.” He snarled. Brad laughed.

“Didn’t you try for three years, Benson? There’s no way that kid is yours.” Freddie clenched his fists. His anger was getting to him. I really wanted to see Freddie hit him. It would make us both feel better.

“If you even think about going near Sam again—“

“You’ll kill me?”

“You’ll wish you were dead if I catch you around her again.”

“You don’t have the nerve. You never did.”

“Try me, Brad.” Brad snickered and he pushed Freddie.

“You’ll never hit me. You were always afraid of getting into fights.”

“Hey why don’t you back off, Brad?” I interrupted.

“Isn’t this what you always wanted? Two guys fighting over you?”

“No what I really want to see is climb to the top of the empire state building and fall off.” Brad turned to me and smiled. He cupped my face with his hand.

“Aww honey, don’t talk like that. How would we raise our baby if I did that?” I shoved him onto the ground and kicked him. I kicked him again and again with tears forming in my eyes. I kicked him until I broke down and hand no energy left. Freddie grabbed my hand and walked me out. We got out of the theater and he hugged me and rubbed my back.

“It’s okay babe, don’t cry.”

“Why won’t he just leave me alone? Everywhere I go he’s there.”

“I don’t know, baby, I don’t know.”

“I just want it to go away. I want to take it all back.” I shook my head.

“Listen to me. The past is the past. Don’t freak out about whatever happened in the past. We just have to move forward from it. Now come on, don’t cry. Let’s just go home. We can watch a movie there.” He moved away from me and wiped the tears off my face. He hugged me again. I looked over and saw Brad walking out of the theater holding his ribs. I grabbed Freddie and started kissing him. He hesitated for a second but didn’t deny me. He pulled me closer to him. I felt Brad walk past and Freddie laughed.

“Nice one, Sam. But I knew what you were up to.”

“But you didn’t object it.”

“No. Let’s go home.” He grabbed my hand and we left the theater.

X

Freddie opened the apartment door for me and followed me in. He shut it behind him, took his jacket off and then grabbed me and started kissing me again. He kept kissing me until I couldn’t breathe and broke away.

“Wow,” He kissed me again. I broke away from him again.

“Don’t you need oxygen?” I asked him. He shook his head and kissed my neck.

“You are my oxygen.” He mumbled.

“Movie?” He looked at me, shook his head and half smiled.

“Mm-mm” he whispered and started kissing me again. This was perfect. Life was going back to normal.

X

We both ended up falling asleep. I woke up when the sun started to shine in our room. Freddie’s arm was over me and he was fast asleep. He looked so sweet when he was asleep. I slowly moved his arm and got out of bed. A shower sounded nice.

I cranked the water on and turned it onto hot. Freddie couldn’t understand why I liked burning hot showers, but it was comforting to me. It was like being wrapped in a blanket. I stood in the shower, letting the water run over my body, and breathed in the humidity. It felt nice.

“Sam?” Freddie was banging on the door.

“What?” I shut the water off.

“Someone’s here to see you.” I rolled my eyes and stepped out of the shower.

“Who’s so important that they can’t wait?”

“Just come out here.” I put my robe on and stepped out of the bathroom. I rounded the corner and saw Carly standing in the livingroom. I took a step towards her and she flinched away.

“You made me get out of the shower to see her?” I stared at Freddie.

“Yes, now be quiet.”

“Sam?”

“What do you want Carly? My husband? You can’t have him. You want your ass kicked again? That I’ll give to you.”

“No.” She folded her arms and then dropped them again.

“I’m sorry, Sam. I shouldn’t have kissed Freddie.”

“Good for you.”

“I was just mad because you lied to him and to me—“

“I don’t care, Carly. The whole time I’ve known you you’ve had a thing for Freddie. You never did anything about it before. You always played the ‘I like you but I don’t like you in that way’ game. I got him. He’s mine. Quit trying. Nothing you do is going to win him over. He’s already been won. Now get out.”

“Sam—“

“Do you really want to start this again, Carly?” I took another step towards her and she took a step back.

“Sam, play nice.” Freddie laughed. I took another step towards Carly, she took another step back. This was amusing. I cracked my knuckles and Carly ran out of the apartment. I laughed and Freddie shook his head at me.

“That wasn’t very nice.”

“Mama’s not nice.”

“You’re still cute.” He put his hands on my waist.

“Shut up, Benson.” He kissed me.

“I’m going back to bed.” He mumbled.

“You slept all day yesterday.”

“No, part of yesterday I was doing other things.” He walked back into our room and layed back on the bed.

“You’re such a nub!” I yelled. He laughed.

“I know!”


	14. Chapter 14

I got back in the shower since I hadn’t actually taken one, just stood there. I was back to being warm, but this time I was laughing at Carly. I guess she’s not so tough when her temper isn’t getting to her. Ah Carly.

The only thing that would make it better was to hear that Brad somehow fell off the face of the earth, or never existed in the first place, but that wasn’t likely to happen anytime soon. I finished my shower and stepped out for the second time. I dried my hair out and threw it up, then I walked into our room and got dressed. Freddie was sleeping again. He usually didn’t sleep like this, but then again he was stressed out. I walked out of our room and to the kitchen. I’d prove to him I could cook. I started cooking bacon when I heard a knock on the door and walked over slowly. If it was Brad or Carly again I was going to lose my mind.

“Hi Mrs. Benson?” 

“Hello Sam. Where’s Freddie?” she started looking around me and I rolled my eyes. She still didn’t like me.

“He’s sleeping. It’s only, like, seven in the morning.”

“Well wake him up; I have to talk to him.” I groaned and walked away. She let herself in. I walked in our room and started shaking Freddie.

“Freddie your stupid mom is here.”

“Mmm! Tell her to go away!” he whined and rolled over.

“If that worked I wouldn’t be in here, now get up!” I shook him again. He waved his hand at me.

“Go away, Sam.” He groaned. I climbed on the bed and started jumping around.

“Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up!” I dropped on my knees and continued to shake him.

“You’re not making me deal with your mom! Up.”

“Let’s just ignore her, maybe she’ll go away.”

“You know better than I do that she will NOT go away just because we pretend she isn’t here. Come on, Freddie. I’m already about to lose my mind, I don’t think I need your crazy mom driving me to insanity.”

“Sam? What’s burning?”

“Shit!” I jumped out of the bed and ran back to the kitchen.

“Burning the apartment down again?” she asked. I hated her fake politeness.

“If it burned down once there wouldn’t be a second time.” I snapped and turned off the stove.

“Where’s Freddie?”

“I already told you, he’s sleeping.”

“Didn’t you wake him up?”

“If he wanted to wake up and talk to you he would have.” I mumbled.

“Freddie!” she started walking to our room while I threw the bacon away.

*since when does Sam throw bacon away? Since Freddie told her if she ate another piece of burnt bacon he was never buying bacon again lol*

“What the hell are you doing?” I started to follow her and she ignored me. She started shaking Freddie.

“Fredward?” I rolled my eyes, folded my arms and scoffed. Freddie rolled over and reached for his mom.

“Come here, she doesn’t even have to know we’re here.” He opened his eyes and shoved himself back in the bed.

“What the hell?” he yelled.

“Fredward you shouldn’t talk like that. Get up, I have to talk to you.” She faked a smile. He groaned again and sat up. Mrs. Benson walked out of the room and Freddie got out of bed.

“I hate when she comes over here. She never leaves me alone.” he mumbled under his breath and got dressed. I laughed. Freddie walked out into the livingroom and I followed him. Mrs. Benson was looking at a picture sitting on the end table.

“I heard from a little birdy that Sam’s pregnant.” Freddie and I looked at his mom.

“Who told you that?”

“Spencer.” Freddie rolled his eyes. Of course.

“Well, yeah. She is.” He pulled me closer to him and smiled at me.

“Well whose baby is it?” he looked back at his mom and panic filled me.

“It’s mine, whose baby would it be?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I just heard a rumor—“

“Well you shouldn’t believe everything you hear.” He snapped. Mrs. Benson put her hand on her heart and stood in the livingroom with a shocked look on her face.

“Is that any way to talk to your mother?”

“Is it right for you to accuse your daughter-in-law of having sex with someone else?”

“Fredward!”

“Look, mom. We were going to go out somewhere today so we can’t really, you know, hang out.” She got a sad look on her face.

“Oh, okay. Well, just come over whenever you have time. Congratulations.” She turned slowly and started to walk out of the apartment. Freddie almost told her to stay and hang out with us, but I shook my head. She shut the door and I turned around.

“How the hell did she hear that?”

“I don’t know!”

“I bet it was Carly!”

“Sam, don’t jump to conclusions.”

“She just keeps pushing me.”

“Sam, did you burn bacon again?”

“…no?” he chuckled.

“Stop trying to cook, it never works.”

“Ha, ha, ha. I wouldn’t have burned it if your mom wasn’t all ‘go wake Freddie up, I have to talk to him’” I mocked. Freddie laughed loudly.

“That was pretty good.”

“I know, right?” Freddie’s phone started ringing and we both looked at it curiously.

“It’s probably Spencer.” I walked over to his phone and picked it up.

_Please tell Sam that I really am sorry._

“How is Carly texting you?” I asked him. He looked confused and walked over to me.

“I don’t know, I didn’t give her either of our numbers.”

“But you gave it to Spencer?”

“Yeah.”

“Ugh, she just doesn’t get it.”

“You know, you lied to her and that made her mad and you never apologized.” I glared at him.

“Did I kiss her husband?”

“No.”

“Then I don’t need to apologize. Or listen to her. Or read her stupid texts.”

“I wish you two would just make up already.”

“Why are you just so….ugh…let everything go-y”

“Because what good is it going to do to hold a grudge forever? Doesn’t change anything.”

“Makes you feel better when you beat their face in.”

“Sam, Sam, Sam. Were you raised by bulls?”

“No, but I would have been better off. At least I would have been raised.” He snickered and kissed my cheek.

“I’m going to take a shower. Don’t let anybody else in, not even my mom. Just pretend you aren’t here.” I nodded. He walked into the bathroom and I sat on the couch.

Now word was getting out.

I got back in the shower since I hadn’t actually taken one, just stood there. I was back to being warm, but this time I was laughing at Carly. I guess she’s not so tough when her temper isn’t getting to her. Ah Carly. 

The only thing that would make it better was to hear that Brad somehow fell off the face of the earth, or never existed in the first place, but that wasn’t likely to happen anytime soon. I finished my shower and stepped out for the second time. I dried my hair out and threw it up, then I walked into our room and got dressed. Freddie was sleeping again. He usually didn’t sleep like this, but then again he was stressed out. I walked out of our room and to the kitchen. I’d prove to him I could cook. I started cooking bacon when I heard a knock on the door and walked over slowly. If it was Brad or Carly again I was going to lose my mind.

“Hi Mrs. Benson?”

“Hello Sam. Where’s Freddie?” she started looking around me and I rolled my eyes. She still didn’t like me.

“He’s sleeping. It’s only, like, seven in the morning.”

“Well wake him up; I have to talk to him.” I groaned and walked away. She let herself in. I walked in our room and started shaking Freddie.

“Freddie your stupid mom is here.”

“Mmm! Tell her to go away!” he whined and rolled over.

“If that worked I wouldn’t be in here, now get up!” I shook him again. He waved his hand at me.

“Go away, Sam.” He groaned. I climbed on the bed and started jumping around.

“Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up!” I dropped on my knees and continued to shake him.

“You’re not making me deal with your mom! Up.” 

“Let’s just ignore her, maybe she’ll go away.”

“You know better than I do that she will NOT go away just because we pretend she isn’t here. Come on, Freddie. I’m already about to lose my mind, I don’t think I need your crazy mom driving me to insanity.”

“Sam? What’s burning?”

“Shit!” I jumped out of the bed and ran back to the kitchen. 

“Burning the apartment down again?” she asked. I hated her fake politeness.

“If it burned down once there wouldn’t be a second time.” I snapped and turned off the stove.

“Where’s Freddie?”

“I already told you, he’s sleeping.”

“Didn’t you wake him up?”

“If he wanted to wake up and talk to you he would have.” I mumbled.

“Freddie!” she started walking to our room while I threw the bacon away.

*since when does Sam throw bacon away? Since Freddie told her if she ate another piece of burnt bacon he was never buying bacon again lol*

“What the hell are you doing?” I started to follow her and she ignored me. She started shaking Freddie.

“Fredward?” I rolled my eyes, folded my arms and scoffed. Freddie rolled over and reached for his mom.

“Come here, she doesn’t even have to know we’re here.” He opened his eyes and shoved himself back in the bed.

“What the hell?” he yelled. 

“Fredward you shouldn’t talk like that. Get up, I have to talk to you.” She faked a smile. He groaned again and sat up. Mrs. Benson walked out of the room and Freddie got out of bed.

“I hate when she comes over here. She never leaves me alone.” he mumbled under his breath and got dressed. I laughed. Freddie walked out into the livingroom and I followed him. Mrs. Benson was looking at a picture sitting on the end table.

“I heard from a little birdy that Sam’s pregnant.” Freddie and I looked at his mom.

“Who told you that?” 

“Spencer.” Freddie rolled his eyes. Of course.

“Well, yeah. She is.” He pulled me closer to him and smiled at me.

“Well whose baby is it?” he looked back at his mom and panic filled me.

“It’s mine, whose baby would it be?” 

“Oh, I don’t know. I just heard a rumor—“

“Well you shouldn’t believe everything you hear.” He snapped. Mrs. Benson put her hand on her heart and stood in the livingroom with a shocked look on her face.

“Is that any way to talk to your mother?”

“Is it right for you to accuse your daughter-in-law of having sex with someone else?” 

“Fredward!” 

“Look, mom. We were going to go out somewhere today so we can’t really, you know, hang out.” She got a sad look on her face.

“Oh, okay. Well, just come over whenever you have time. Congratulations.” She turned slowly and started to walk out of the apartment. Freddie almost told her to stay and hang out with us, but I shook my head. She shut the door and I turned around.

“How the hell did she hear that?”

“I don’t know!” 

“I bet it was Carly!”

“Sam, don’t jump to conclusions.”

“She just keeps pushing me.”

“Sam, did you burn bacon again?” 

“…no?” he chuckled.

“Stop trying to cook, it never works.” 

“Ha, ha, ha. I wouldn’t have burned it if your mom wasn’t all ‘go wake Freddie up, I have to talk to him’” I mocked. Freddie laughed loudly.

“That was pretty good.” 

“I know, right?” Freddie’s phone started ringing and we both looked at it curiously.

“It’s probably Spencer.” I walked over to his phone and picked it up.

_Please tell Sam that I really am sorry._

“How is Carly texting you?” I asked him. He looked confused and walked over to me.

“I don’t know, I didn’t give her either of our numbers.”

“But you gave it to Spencer?”

“Yeah.”

“Ugh, she just doesn’t get it.”

“You know, you lied to her and that made her mad and you never apologized.” I glared at him.

“Did I kiss her husband?”

“No.”

“Then I don’t need to apologize. Or listen to her. Or read her stupid texts.”

“I wish you two would just make up already.”

“Why are you just so….ugh…let everything go-y”

“Because what good is it going to do to hold a grudge forever? Doesn’t change anything.”

“Makes you feel better when you beat their face in.” 

“Sam, Sam, Sam. Were you raised by bulls?”

“No, but I would have been better off. At least I would have been raised.” He snickered and kissed my cheek.

“I’m going to take a shower. Don’t let anybody else in, not even my mom. Just pretend you aren’t here.” I nodded. He walked into the bathroom and I sat on the couch.

Now word was getting out.


	15. Chapter 15

I sat on the couch and turned on the T.V. I didn’t know what I was looking for, but there had to be something interesting on, so I flipped through the channels. I landed on one that caught my attention. They were making fun of people off the street. They had a studio similar to the one we used on iCarly and they had a film crew out on the street, talking to different people, and then the hosts would mock them in the studio. One lady had fallen getting off the bus and they had turned it into a dramatic skit. I couldn’t control my laughter. Someone approached the camera crew holding their stomach. It took me a minute to realize it was Brad.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What happened to you?” the guy was like a reporter. He even dressed for the roll which made me laugh whenever I saw him.

“I got in a fight.” Brad responded, rolling his eyes.

“Did you win?”

“No. But I will.” The camera crew tried to hold in their laughter.

“So who was the challenger?” the reporter tried to keep a serious face but was failing.

“Sam Benson.”

“He sounds like a really tough dude.” The reporter let a little laughter out. Brad stared at him.

“She’s not a dude.” He responded nonchalantly. I busted out laughing with the reporter and the camera crew.

“What? She and I hooked up. She might be having my baby.” I stopped laughing, but the reporter laughed harder.

“So you’re telling me a pregnant girl beat you up?” he was clutching his sides.

“Well, she kind of attacked me.” The reporter was almost in tears laughing, but I didn’t think it was so funny. Anybody who watched this show would know what happened between me and Brad. I must have been really focusing on the show because I didn’t notice Freddie was out of the shower and in the livingroom until he touched my shoulder. I jumped.

“Woah. You okay?”

“Brad just announced on television that we hooked up!” Freddie looked up at the screen and we both watched the hosts make fun of Brad. Anger was in his eyes again. Nothing seemed to be going right, it was like every time we took a step forward we took three back.

“You know, Carly and Brad would be perfect for each other.” Freddie announced. I looked at him.

“What?”

“You know. Because they both like to piss people off and push their luck too far.” I laughed.

“Jealous, Freddie?” Freddie didn’t see the joke.

“No. Sam you don’t know how bad I’ve wanted to kick his ass since I found out…you know…”

“Then why don’t you do it? You could have done it today at the theater.”

“Because it won’t make a bit of difference. It’s not going to change the fact that you had sex with him. Nothing changes just because he’s cut up and bruised up.”

“No but it would make you feel a whole lot better.”

“Yeah maybe for a minute or an hour or whatever but I’m still gonna feel like shit when I remember why I hit him in the first place.” He sighed.

“Trust me, you’d be less pissed off if you just hit him. Here I’ll give you his address and we can go over there.”

“How do you know where he lives?”

“Is that a serious question?”

“Oh. Right. No, Sam. It’s a stupid idea. It’s just going to cause more drama.”

“Well then we would be even, well, kind of even.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Because I kicked Carly’s ass for kissing you so you can kick Brad’s ass for having sex with me.”

“Sam, I didn’t kiss Carly. You had sex with Brad. Carly just kissed me, it wasn’t consensual.”

“So? Freddie. I know I kind of agreed but I wasn’t even in my right mind. He just kind of took advantage of the fact that I wasn’t myself and I was really vulnerable.”

“Sam, it’s still part your fault.”

“Okay, but I’d like to see you kick his ass. For my entertainment.”  

“Sam, I’m not 16 anymore and I’m not a boxer. I don’t need to fight for entertainment.” Freddie walked away.

“Okay Freddie. I’m just saying—“

“Just quit, Sam. Grow up. It’s getting old.”

“You wouldn’t be such a grouch if you’d just beat him.”

“And what am I supposed to do with you? Yeah, he was wrong. But so were you. Am I supposed to hit you too?”

“If it makes you feel better.”

“Are you serious, Sam? That’s the stupidest idea ever.”

“Why is it a stupid idea? I hit anybody who makes me mad.” Freddie’s mouth dropped and he stared at me.

“I could give you a million reasons why it’s a stupid idea.”

“Oh yeah? Name five.”

“1. You’re a girl and guys aren’t supposed to hit girls. 2. You’re my WIFE. 3. You’re pregnant. 4. It doesn’t resolve anything. 5. I would never win against you. 6.—“

“Okay fine I get it.” Freddie sat down next to me.

“Besides. I’d much rather…” he grabbed my face and smiled. I pushed him away.

“You know, it seems to me that the only time you want to have sex with me is when you’re mad and we’re talking about Brad.” He started kissing my neck.

“That’s not true.” He mumbled. I pushed him again and jumped up.

“Yes, it is. And that’s not fair. I don’t want you to just want me when you think you’re somehow getting back at Brad.”

“Sam, that’s ridiculous.”

“Really? Before we had sex yesterday you were mad about Brad showing up to the theater and the time before that I was trying to apologize for cheating on you and you changed the subject to sex.”

“No.”

“Yeah, I said I wanted to take a shower and you said you wanted to come and then we had sex, Freddie. Ever since you found out I cheated on you the only time you’ve been interested in having sex with me is when you’re mad about Brad!”

“Sam, how would us having sex in our house get back at Brad?”

“You tell me. You know, I always hated when people thought I couldn’t figure them out. I know that’s what you’re trying to do, Freddie, and you can deny it all you want but I’m not stupid. I notice things.” Freddie stood up.

“Sam, that’s not what I’m trying to do. And if I made you feel like the only reason I wanted you was to get back at Brad then I’m sorry. I just—“

“Just save it.”

“Sam, you need to start listening when I’m trying to talk to you. It’s really starting to piss me off.” I turned and walked away.

“Sam if you don’t come over here and sit your ass down and listen to me then I’m leaving!” I whipped around, walked over to him and stood inches from his face.

“Don’t. Threaten. Me.” I snarled.

“You know, I’m really sick of this! What right do you have to get mad at EVERYONE ELSE when YOU’RE the one who went behind my back and fucked some other guy? Huh? And every fight we’ve had since then has been because of that! Every single one of them! You NEVER listen to me! Everything is always about you, Sam, and it’s so OLD! When are you going to start acting like an ADULT? When are you going to be an active part of this marriage and make this work instead of turning everything around and making it about YOU?” We stared each other down for a while and then I pushed past him and to the door, whipping it open.

“Go ahead and run away, Sam. It’s the one thing you’re good at doing! Just remember that if you leave and that door closes don’t bother coming back. I’ll change the locks and I’ll get divorce papers.”

“Yeah yeah, yeah.” I started closing the door behind me.

“I mean it, Sam. I’m at the end. Half the time I can’t even look at you without hating you. If you leave, I’m done. I’m sick of fighting all the time. I’m sick of having to chase you around trying to get you to forgive me and come home. I shouldn’t even have to. If you loved me, Sam, you would grow up and talk to me about stuff. You’re acting like a child. And right now, I should be the one pissed off at you. You should be on your knees begging for me not to leave.”

“You want me to beg, Freddie?” I stepped in the door and smirked.

“No, Sam. That’s not what I’m saying.” I walked towards him.

“No, I heard you loud and clear. You want me to beg? Got on my knees in front of you and beg for your forgiveness?” I kneeled in front of him. Freddie rolled his eyes and groaned.

“Sam!” I folded my hands.

“Freddie, I’m begging you—“ I started sarcastically. He walked past me.

“I’m sick of this. You’re just a bitch.” I stood up.

“Why does it always have to be a fight?”

“Answer that yourself, Sam.”

“You know, when I try to apologize you tell me to drop it. When I try to talk about it you change the subject. But you’re sitting here telling me that I should be begging for your forgiveness. Sounds like you need to make up your mind.”

“Sounds like I need to leave. I can’t even stand to be around you anymore.” Freddie walked to the door.

“Fine!  You wanna talk? Talk away.” He took a deep breath and turned around.

“Sam, I’m not trying to get back at Brad. I already got you, you came back to me even after being with him. I hate that you got with him, I really do, but you came back to me. After I found out I just wanted to kill him. I needed to leave. I couldn’t look at you. I had always thought we had something special. You were my first and my only and I thought I was your first and only too but when I found out I wasn’t I freaked. It hurts so much to know the girl I’m absolutely crazy about isn’t just mine. I’m so in love with you, Sam, it scares me. I have always felt like I’m not good enough for you, that you were just going to get up one day and leave.” He walked up to me.

“Freddie—“

“I’m not done. I know you’ve tried to apologize. I know you’ve tried to talk about it and open up so we could move past this. But I don’t want you to apologize because I’m not ready to forgive you. I can’t forgive you right now. To forgive you I have to open up and think about it and be okay with it and not want to hit something and I can’t do that right now. I can’t talk about it because I don’t want to hear about it. It kills me. I don’t want you to beg or cry or turn into somebody that you’re not, Sam. I just want you to be you and let me figure this out on my own.”

“I’m sorry. I haven’t been a very good wife, or friend, or person. I’m sorry I wouldn’t listen to you. I’m sorry I haven’t treated you how you deserved. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m confused within myself. I love you, Freddie, you’re my life. You do what you have to do and when you’re ready we can talk and maybe someday you can forgive me for everything I’ve done to you.” He kissed my forehead.

“I’m kind of tired. I think I’m going to go back to bed.”

“Seriously?”

“No. Just want to be by myself for a little bit.”

“Okay.” Freddie walked into our room and shut the door.


	16. Chapter 16

Even though I didn’t want to, I knew I had to change myself if I was ever going to keep Freddie. He hated the fights, the sarcasm, the fear. I sat up on the counter and sighed, closing my eyes. If I had known everything that would happen I would have never gotten in the car. That stupid car. That stupid jerk. The door slammed open and I looked over at Mrs. Benson. She had the same angry look in her eyes that Freddie did when he got mad. I rolled my eyes and groaned.

“What now?” I whined. She stomped over to the counter.

“I heard the most interesting thing on the television today.” I leaned back on the counter and exhaled.

“I knew Freddie should have never married you. I knew you were trouble the moment I met you.” She was pointing her finger at me and I was nervous. Freddie walked out of our room and pulled his mom away.

“What are you doing?” he questioned.

“Go pack your things you’re coming back home with me.”

“No. I’m not.”

“I heard what Brad said on the television, Freddie, you are NOT staying here with this,” she looked at me, “cheating lying whore.”

“Mom, oh my God. You know Brad has always been jealous.”

“Stop lying to me.”

“Okay, fine. I messed up. You happy? Does it make you feel better to be right?” she turned and looked at me.

“Yes. It does.”

“Well good for you.” I jumped off the counter.

“Let’s go, Freddie.” She demanded. Freddie shook his head.

“No.”

“I’m not going to let you waste any more time with her.” She hissed.

“She’s not a waste of time.” Freddie defended.

“She is NOT good enough for MY son.” His mom was getting mad.

“I’m 22 years old. I can decide who is good enough to be in my life myself.” Freddie took my hand.

“You should have married Carly! She’s a nice girl.” I couldn’t stand hearing Carly’s name. Freddie’s mom didn’t understand what it was like to be out there and married. She had spent her most life overbearingly taking care of things. Fish. Turtles. Freddie.

“Mom! I never wanted to marry Carly. I always wanted to be with Sam.”

“She’s the wrong girl for you.”

“I’m standing right here you know?” I announced. Freddie’s mom glared at me.

“I know where you are. I also know where you belong.”

“Stop talking to her like that. She doesn’t belong anywhere but here.”

“You don’t belong with her.” Freddie chuckled.

“Where have I heard this before?”

“It’s true.” She was almost in tears.

“Mom! It’s never stopped me from being with her before and it’s not going to stop me now.”

“I know you’re doing this to hurt me.” Freddie rolled his eyes as his mom put her hand over her mouth and sniffled.

“Oh my God,” he mumbled.

“I know you’re just being rebellious.”

“Seriously? I’m not 16 anymore. I’m doing this because I love her. I want to be with her.” His mom started crying and Freddie shifted between his left leg and his right leg. It was uncomfortable to stand and watch his mom bawl her eyes out.

“Mom I think you should leave.” He whispered. She cried harder and he looked at me.

“Freddie…” his mom couldn’t stop crying long enough to finish a sentence.

“Mom just leave.” He groaned. She shook her head.

“I’m not leaving you here with her.”

“This is where I want to be! I’m sick of everyone telling me to leave Sam just because she made one mistake! And that’s all it was! A MISTAKE!” I stared at Freddie in shock. He never yelled at his mom.

“A mistake? A mistake, Freddie? She knew what she was doing.” His mom sobbed.

“Can I go sit in the hall?” I asked.

“No,” Freddie answered, “and yeah. A mistake, mother. You don’t know what happened. You never asked and she shouldn’t have to tell you anyway because it’s not your business. This is between me and Sam, NOT me, you and Sam. Quit trying to interfere with everything in my life! I’m not a little kid anymore!” Freddie’s mom stared at us.

“When you’re ready to come home you call me.” She wiped her eyes, turned around and walked out the door. Freddie let go of my hand and walked back to our room.

“Just an act,” I mumbled under my breath. Freddie turned around.

“No. I meant it all.” He smiled.

“Freddie how are we ever going to be the same?”

“We aren’t going to be the same. But I’m not giving up on you. Everyone else has. I’m not. Mistake or no mistake.”

“Freddie, I think I want to take anger management classes.” He cautiously walked back over to me.

“Really?”

“Yes, really. Is that so hard to believe?”

“Kinda.”

“Well if the only way to stay with you is to find different ways to express my anger and annoyance then I’m going to do it.”

“I didn’t say that. I said you need to listen to me.”

“I can’t listen to you because I know you’re right. And when you’re right I’m wrong. And when I’m wrong it annoys me. When I’m annoyed I get ma—“

“Okay, I get it Sam.” He chuckled.

“So?”

“I think you should do whatever it is you want to do.” He smiled.

“I’m serious. I want to know your opinion.”

“You haven’t started anger management yet.” He laughed. I folded my arms and watched him.

“Okay, fine. I think it would really help you. It would help you face the things you’re afraid of, too. Rejection, confrontation, honesty.”

“I’m not afraid of honesty. The truth just tastes bad.” Freddie laughed again for a minute, then he got serious.

“I think we should do couples counseling.” He suggested. I shrugged.

“Can’t hurt, right?”

“It probably will. You’ll be forced to open up. I’ll be forced to accept. It would be difficult for both of us but I think we need it.”

“If you wanted me to go why did you just tell me all that?”

“Because I want you to be prepared. I don’t want you to agree to something you don’t understand or don’t want to do.” I hesitated. I didn’t know if I was ready to open up. There were things I was not comfortable thinking about.

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“I can see your face. What’s up? Why are you so against opening up and putting yourself out there?”

“Just am.”

“But why?”

“Because I just like to keep to myself.” I was looking at the floor trying to make designs within the wood.

“Or maybe because the only time you’ve done it you got taken advantage of?” I rolled my eyes.

“What are you talking about?” I mumbled. I started using my foot to draw pictures on the floor. Freddie put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up to look at him.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” His eyes were glued on me.

“Nope.”

“Lying. I can see it in your eyes, Sam.”

“Okay fine what’s your point?”

“This is why we need to go.”

“I don’t think some stranger listening to our problems is going to help.”

“That’s not what happens. They would teach you how to let go of the nerves that hold you back and they would teach me to let go of everything that happened so we can move on in our marriage and be happy again.”

“So why did I hold everything back before Brad then genius?”

“Because before Brad it was your mom. You couldn’t open up and tell her how you felt because she made you feel like shit. Thus it became a habit. Then after you open up and spill everything you’re feeling and make yourself vulnerable to being hurt you cheated. I gotta say, I haven’t met anyone with worse luck than you, but this will get us past that. This will get you to trust me and me to trust you.”

“Freddie I don’t think this is going to work.”

“Will you at least try it, Sam?” I sighed.

“Okay.” Freddie kissed my cheek, something he hadn’t done in a long time.

“It will help, I promise.” He took my hand again and we went back into our room.


	17. Chapter 17

Freddie and I were sitting in the car. The building we were about to go into looked old. I felt like we would walk in and the whole thing would collapse on us.

“You ready?” Freddie asked. I shook my head and sighed.

“No.” I was really nervous. Something about having to open up to complete strangers got to me. Freddie grabbed my hand.

“It’ll be fine. Come on.” Freddie dropped my hand and got out of the car. I opened the door slowly and stepped out. I met Freddie in front of the car and he put his arm around me.

“I can feel your heart racing, Sam. Just relax.” I folded my arms and Freddie opened the door for me. I walked in and he followed. A younger lady who was only about ten years older than Freddie and I approached us and smiled.

“You must be Freddie and Sam,” she shook Freddie’s hand and then mine, “I’m Dr. Doeklendis, but you can just call me Susan. Whichever you’re more comfortable with. Let’s go into this room over here and we can get to know each other.” She led us into an open room with a couch and two chairs in it.

“Take a seat wherever you want.” We walked over to the couch and sat down. Susan sat in a chair across from us.

“So what brings you guys in?” she asked. Freddie and I looked at each other.

“We’re having problems trusting each other.” Freddie answered. Susan nodded.

“Okay. And have you guys always had problems trusting each other?”

“I haven’t.”

“And you, Sam?”

“I don’t know, I guess.” I shrugged. Susan nodded again.

“Okay. Freddie you said you didn’t always have a problem trusting Sam. What brought that on?”

“Well, some stuff happened.”

“Like what?”

“Well, Sam cheated on me two months ago.”

“Freddie—“

“Sam, she’s a doctor. This is what we’re here for.”

“Sam, did you have something you wanted to say?”

“No.” I hesitated. I didn’t know what I wanted to say. I just hated hearing the words.

“It’s okay, Sam. We’re all open here. Everything that is said in this room stays in this room.”

“Well…” I looked at Freddie and he nodded.

“I don’t know, I mean, I didn’t mean to. It was, like, an accident. But it wasn’t. I mean, I was just talking to him and before I knew it he was putting his clothes back on.”

“I understand. So why don’t you tell me what happened, Sam.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Sam, help me understand what caused Freddie not to trust you.”

“I think he pretty much summed it up. I hooked up with another guy.”

*guys, it’s like 10:30. Me and my sister are jamming to Eminem and she’s about to sign up for fanfiction.net!*

“What made you want to participate in intercourse with this other man?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay, I see you don’t want to talk about it. Freddie, why do you think Sam doesn’t trust you?”

“Sam didn’t have the best home life. Her mom pretty much degraded her everyday so she has a really tough skin. It’s great when people are trying to hurt her, but it sucks when I’m trying to get her to talk. I was starting to get her to open up and then one day her mom showed up to our house when I was at work and Sam got mad and went for a walk and ended up meeting up with this other guy. She opened up to him and he basically took advantage of her when she was vulnerable. Now she refuses to open up to anybody else.”

“Freddie, no. Look lady, she showed up and kept insulting me and I didn’t want to see her in the first place so I went for a walk to calm down and up pulls Brad in his stupid car and he’s all ‘Sam lets go for a drive you can talk to me maybe I can help.’ Well Freddie was at work and I didn’t want to bug him so I just went and told him everything that happened because it felt like I was talking to Freddie I mean this guy is supposed to be a good friend of his and I don’t know he just made me feel safe like Freddie does. Well then he’s all ‘let’s go up to my apartment and talk’ and I should have known what was going to happen but I was so stupid at the time. So then we go upstairs and he sits on the couch and he pats the spot next to him so I sit down and I just keep talking and he just like kisses me out of nowhere and I’m all ‘dude what the hell I’m married’ but he doesn’t stop. So then I like pushed him and I’m all ‘dude what the hell is wrong with you?’ and I stand up and he stands up too and grabs me and pulls me closer to him and at this point I’m completely freaked out. Like, he wouldn’t just let me go. I wanted to leave but he wouldn’t let me leave. And then he just starts kissing me again and reaching under my shirt and touching me and I don’t want to cry because apparently vulnerable girls are like a turn on for him or something and he’s all ‘baby, come on. Nobody has to know.’ And I just want to run home and lock the door and the windows and I tried to grab my phone to call Freddie but he took it out of my pocket and threw it on the couch and I couldn’t reach it. So then I just got freaked out so I imagined that he was Freddie so I could get out of there and then it just happened.” Freddie was staring at me. I could tell he was mad again, but I wasn’t sure what part he was mad about.

“And when you left what did you do?” Susan asked. She didn’t look shocked or mad or anything. She just looked calm and understanding.

“I went home and I took like 17 different showers and I still felt dirty and I felt even worse when Freddie came home because I knew I had screwed up and I was scared. I didn’t want to tell him I just wanted to forget it and everything was fine until I started to feel sick and not myself and took all those pee tests and then I told Carly and Carly opened her big fat mouth and—“

“Sam, why didn’t you tell me all that when you told me what happened?” Freddie’s eyes were still on me and I stopped and looked at him. I barely remembered what I had said.

“I did.”

“No, you just said one thing lead to another and whatever.”

“Freddie, how do you feel after hearing what happened?”

“I’m pissed. I want to just go kill him.”

“And Sam, how do you feel after sharing that?”

“Like shit. But better. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.”

“Would you guys say that communication is a big problem in your relationship?” we both nodded.

“Why do you feel that way, Freddie?”

“Because every time I try to talk to Sam about something she doesn’t want to hear she just leaves. She can’t handle being confronted or having a serious conversation.”

“Do you agree, Sam?”

“Yeah.”

“And why do you think this happens?”

“Because every time my mom would try to sit down and talk to me it turned into a fight and I don’t want to fight with Freddie so I just leave so we don’t.” I explained.

“But it never works because we end up fighting about her leaving.” Freddie added.

“Have you tried different methods such as leaving notes or text messaging?”

“No. Sam wouldn’t read them. Besides, I think it’s much better when I can look at her.”

*my sisters correcting all my spelling in my chapters. What a jerk.*

“Sam, what worries you the most about these conversations?”

“I don’t want to be mocked like my mom did and I don’t want to fight with him. And I especially don’t want him to leave.”

“What makes you think he would leave?”

“Because I’ve never been an open person. I don’t know how he would react to it.”

“Freddie, why don’t you turn to Sam and tell her how that makes you feel?” Freddie turned to me.

“You know I would never leave. And all I want is to know how you feel. You’re the most important thing in my life, Sam, and if you’re feeling scared or alone and you never tell me I can’t help you.”

“Sam? Why don’t you tell Freddie what you’re feeling right now?” I looked into his eyes for a long time. Somehow, someway Freddie had managed to get me to spill everything about that night. I didn’t know if there was any way I could keep anything else from him, not when I was looking at him.

“I am insanely in love with you.” I blurted out.

“I already know that.” He smiled.

“No. I mean, more than before. It’s like I’m seeing you for the first time.”

“You hated me the first time you saw me.” He laughed.

“Freddie?”

“Yeah?”

“You know, there’s times where I don’t know how I ended up with you when you could have had Carly. I never understood why you never left. I never understand why you always forgave me for everything. I think I get it now. You knew this would happen.” I stated in awe.

“Eventually. When you were ready.”

“Freddie? Sam? I’d like to go back to the cheating situation.” Susan started. I saw a flash of anger hit Freddie’s eyes, but it disappeared as fast as it came. We turned back to her.

“Sam, what scared you most about telling Freddie?”

“I was scared of never having him again.” I mumbled.

“And Freddie, how did you feel when you found out?”

“I couldn’t be around her anymore. I left. I really wanted to look him up in the phone book and beat his ass but I knew it wouldn’t change anything.”

“Freddie, would you say the trust issue is coming from her cheating or from her not telling you about it?”

“Both. How do you trust someone who went behind your back?” I was staring at the floor. I couldn’t look at Susan without feeling like internally she was judging me and I couldn’t look at Freddie without remembering how shitty he was feeling.

“And after this session and the things Sam has said do you feel any differently?” she asked. I looked over at Freddie.

“Yes.”

“Tell me about that.”

“Well, I can’t be mad at Sam after hearing all that. I mean, I’m hoping to dive more into the details later when we’re by ourselves. But at the same time, I now just want to hit Brad with a car or something. I just can’t believe he did all that to my wife when he was supposed to be my friend.”

“Okay, before we finish up here. Freddie, would you please turn to Sam and tell her three things you love about her?” Freddie looked at me.

“Sam, you’re beautiful. Every time you smile you remind me why I married you. You’re tough, you don’t take any crap, but you are also very sweet. Every time you look at me I feel a rush. You make me feel like the only man alive. You’re so amazing, Sam. I couldn’t imagine a world without you in it.” I blushed and looked at my lap.

“Sam, would you please turn to Freddie and tell him three things you love about him?”

“Freddie, you make me feel safe. I’ve never felt alone when I’ve been with you. You’ve raised my self-esteem and anytime someone has tried to bring it back down you’ve brought it right back up. And you know how to cook, which is good, because obviously I don’t.” Freddie laughed.

“Okay, if you two are interested we can do another session next week at the same time. Just stop by the secretary and set it up.” Susan stood and we followed. She shook our hands again and we left. Freddie stopped me by the car and kissed me. I smiled.

 “He really wouldn’t let you leave?”

“No. He’s a lot stronger than I thought. Every time I tried to push him away he kept pulling me to him again.” Freddie sighed.

“Let’s go home.” We got into the car and drove back to the apartment.


	18. Chapter 18

We walked back in to the apartment and I sat on the counter.

“I’m hungry,” I whined. Freddie laughed and opened the fridge.

“Well what do you want?” he asked.

“Food.” I responded.

“Food it is,” he shrugged and pulled out cheese and butter and started cooking grilled cheese sandwiches.

“Hey Sam?”

“Yeah?” I had been playing with the ends of my hair, trying to figure out how big a strand of hair might measure to.

“You know that what happened with Brad wasn’t cheating right?” I looked at Freddie.

“Yeah it was, I said yes. That’s cheating.”

“No, Sam.” he walked over to me and stood in front of me. He put his hands on the counter on either side of me and leaned towards me.

“Sam, if he wouldn’t let you leave you did not consent. He’s still forcing you to. Even if he didn’t tie you down and forcefully have sex with you, by not allowing you to leave he raped you.”

“No. Rape is when you don’t want to.”

“Did you want to have sex with Brad?”

“No.”

“And did you want to leave?”

“Yes.”

“And did he forcefully make you stay?”

“Well, yeah I guess.”

“Then you didn’t cheat, Sam. You didn’t just say ‘oh hell I think I’ll have sex with him.’”

“But Freddie, I did say that.” Freddie sighed. I knew he was frustrated, but he needed to know that he couldn’t just turn around and yell rape just because I didn’t want to have sex with him. He didn’t force me to have sex with him.

“Okay, fine, not rape. But sexual assault. He’s not allowed to touch you however he wants if you don’t want him to. You said you pushed him away but he kept bringing you back. He can’t do that, Sam.” I groaned loudly.

“Freddie. I didn’t say NO. Ever. The whole time I was there.”

“Sam, trying to leave IS saying no. Pushing him away is saying no. He knew you didn’t want to. Why else would he say nobody has to know?”

“Please just drop it.” I looked at the floor. Freddie lifted my face up again and looked straight into my eyes.

“Don’t do that. I know what you’re thinking. This isn’t your fault, Sam—“

“Yeah it is because I got in his car and I walked up to his apartment and—“

“Don’t. I don’t know why you didn’t tell me all this before. He can go to prison for this. Do you know that? It’s against the law. If it wasn’t anybody could walk up to anybody and just grab them however they wanted to.” Freddie leaned even closer to me.

“I can’t stand to hear you blame yourself when you didn’t do anything. You can argue all you want, but when somebody doesn’t allow you to leave they’re making you do what they want you to do. He took your phone, Sam, he knew he was doing something wrong and he didn’t want you to be able to call anyone. If the only way he would let you leave was to have sex with him then he forced you to have sex with him. There was no choice. Even if he didn’t force himself on you he wouldn’t let you leave. What part of this don’t you get?”

“I get it, Freddie, I just don’t want to deal with anymore I want it to just go away. I thought the whole point of you dragging me to this couples counseling was so that I could tell you everything you wanted to know and we could move on.”

“This is serious, Sam. I wouldn’t be surprised if the doctor hasn’t already called to give the cops a heads up.”

“She said it would stay between us!”

“This is the LAW we’re dealing with. Don’t you understand? You’re driving me insane. How can you just sit there and defend what he did? Doesn’t it kill you?” Freddie was driving me insane too. No matter what I gave him he always wanted more.

“Of course it does, babe, but I don’t want to start any more crap and I don’t want to keep having to tell everyone all this crap and I don’t want to get cops involved.” Freddie pulled me off the counter.

“There’s nothing stopping Brad from coming over here when I’m gone and really hurting you. He knows where we live and he can get in here as we’ve already seen. I can’t be home all the time, I have to work. And when I’m at work I can’t protect you.” He wiped a tear off my face.

“Baby, why are you crying?” he questioned.

“Freddie I can’t talk to the cops. Do you know how many people can listen in on that crap?”

“Um, nobody? Sam, what’s really going on?” I took a shaky breath.

“What if he finds out? He could come over here. You said it yourself. And if you’re not home what am I supposed to do? I can’t even call Carly to come hang out with me when you’re gone.”

“I’m sure Carly would come.”

“Freddie, please don’t make me.” He grabbed my face in his hands.

“It scares me too, babe, wondering if he’s going to find out and come looking for you. But you can’t let that fear get in the way of doing what’s right. You need to tell the cops. If you don’t he could come back and do it all over again, Sam.”

“Freddie—“

“Listen to me. Cops aren’t going to hurt you. You haven’t done anything wrong. They’re going to protect you.”

“I can’t.” I shook my head.

“Yes, you can.” He nodded.

“Please. Freddie what if he walks past the building and sees a cop car and sees a cop going into the building? He’ll be pissed. He’ll find me and he’ll find you and he’ll make our lives hell.”

“I’m not going to let that happen and I don’t care what he does to me anyway. He’s not going to put his hands on you again, Sam, that I’ll tell you right now.” I hesitated a long time. Doing the right thing wasn’t the easy thing.

“Fine.” I mumbled. Freddie kissed me.

“I promise I’m not going to let him hurt you, babe.”

“Just call the dudes and tell me when they get here.”

X

“I think we got enough to pick him up.” The cop closed his mini notebook and clicked his pen. He looked straight at me.

“If he shows up here you call us right away.” He warned. I nodded. My hands were shaking and I tried to hide it by folding my arms. Freddie stood just inches away from me. He knew I was freaking out. As soon as the cops left he walked over and locked the doors. He walked around the apartment and locked all the windows and pulled all the shades. He shut off all the lights and we went into our room. The cop said he would call us when they found him. If he had gotten word about this he would be on his way over.

“Don’t be scared, honey, he’s not going to come here.” Freddie pulled me closer to him. We sat in silence for fifteen minutes. I took my phone out of my pocket and opened a new text.

_Come over. Some shit’s going down. I need you._

I sent the text to Carly and Spencer. Suddenly there was a bang on the door. I jumped and Freddie let go of me and put his fingers to his lips.

“Go in the bathroom and be ready to call if you hear him. I’m going to see if it’s him or not.” He whispered. I shook my head.

“No, no, no, no, no.”

“Just go, Sam.” Freddie crept over to the door and it busted open. Brad was standing in the doorway. His face was red and his fists were clenched. Word had gotten around. He stormed over to me and in three seconds he had his hand around my neck and I was against the wall.

“Hey!” I could hear Freddie yelling but I couldn’t see what he was doing. I couldn’t breathe and the more Freddie tried to fight Brad off the tighter his hand got. I heard more footsteps and Carly’s voice.

“Oh my God! Sam! Get off of her! What the hell are you doing?!”

“Carly, go call 911!” Spencer ordered. I was starting to lose it. Everything started getting fuzzy and weird. I couldn’t imagine one guy holding off Freddie and Spencer, but I guess Brad was angry enough. Every once in a while I would black out but I would come around as quickly as I went. I heard a few more footsteps before everything got dark.

X

I woke up in a hospital bed. I didn’t remember what had happened but I knew it had to be serious. Carly, Freddie and Spencer were standing around the room talking to each other. Freddie turned and looked at me and was by my side in two steps.

“Oh my God, Sam, I’m so glad you’re awake.” He grabbed my hand.

“Is the baby okay?” Freddie stared at me a long time and I got nervous.

“The baby’s fine, Sam.” I breathed a sigh of relief and Carly walked over to my side.

“Hey,” she whispered and smiled.

“Hey,” I whispered back. She had her arms folded.

“Look, Sam, I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t sweat it. Just keep your hands off my husband.” She giggled.

“Sam, why didn’t you tell me?” she became serious.

“I didn’t tell anyone, Carly.”

“You know I would have helped you.”

“I know, but I wasn’t okay with it. It still feels like cheating to me.”

“Well, they got him. He’s going to be locked up for a long time. You won’t have to worry about him interfering anymore.” She smiled.

“Good.” Spencer walked over on the other side and pushed the hair out of my face.

“Scared us half to death, kid.” I laughed.

“Only half?”

“Someone had to be conscious to get you out of there.” He laughed.  I looked back at Freddie.

“I love you.” He sat next to me on the bed.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” he touched my face, “now get some sleep. We’ll still be here when you wake up.”

“Mmmkay.” I closed my eyes again and went off into dreamland.


	19. Chapter 19

I woke up and looked around. It was dark outside and Freddie was asleep in the chair in the room. Carly was leaning against Spencer and she was sleeping as well. Spencer was the only one awake.

“How’d you sleep?” he asked. I stretched.

“What time is it?” I mumbled.

“Like 3 in the morning.” He smiled.

“That explains why Freddie and Carly are sleeping.” We laughed.

“You know, Sam, Carly told me everything.”

“Yeah? Did she tell you she tried to take my husband?” I sneered. He nodded.

“And I don’t agree with it but she still cares about you. She freaked out when she walked into the apartment.”

“Yeah,”

“Sam, you always know she’s going to be there if you need her.”

“I know.” I murmured and folded my arms.

“I’m going to take her home. She wanted to stay until you woke up again but,” he looked down at Carly, “she didn’t make it much longer than you.” I laughed.

“She never does,” I told her. Spencer shook Carly.

“Come on, kid. Let’s go home.” Carly shook her head.

“Nooo.” Spencer picked her up.

“Yesssss.” He said and carried her out of the room. Carly wasn’t awake long. Just long enough to mumble her one word. The door closed loudly and Freddie woke up. He looked over at me.

“Hey. You’re awake? You should have woken me up.” He rubbed his eyes.

“No reason for you to be awake.” I whispered. He stood up and stretched then layed on the bed next to me. He put his arm around me.

“When you’re awake I want to be awake.” He mumbled. I smiled and intertwined our fingers.

“I’m sorry I broke my promise.” He had his head on my shoulder and his eyes were closed.

“What are you talking about?” I looked at him.

“I promised I wouldn’t let him hurt you.” He was falling asleep again and I could tell.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Fredweird. You couldn’t stop him.”

“I should have brought you to Carly’s.” his speech was slurring and he was almost asleep.

“Go back to sleep, babe.” I whispered.

“Only if you…” he was sleeping again. I chuckled softly and stared at him. Watching Freddie sleep was my favorite thing to do. He always looked so innocent and young. At 22, we weren’t that old, but he always looked like he did when he was 16. I was sure he wasn’t supposed to be in the hospital bed with me, hospitals had stupid rules, but this was where I wanted him to be. I moved my arm and ran my fingers through his hair. He needed a haircut.

It didn’t take long for me to fall back asleep.

X

I woke up when Freddie moved and looked at him.

“I’m just going to call Carly and tell her she doesn’t have to come today. You should be getting out.” He whispered.

“What time is it?” I asked. Freddie looked at his watch.

“It’s quarter to 8,” he answered, “I’ll be right back babe.” He pushed the hair out of my face and smiled.

“You’re so beautiful in the morning, Sam Benson.” I laughed.

“I’m gross. I haven’t taken a shower or brushed my teeth or anything.”

“I don’t care about that.” He kissed my cheek and left the room. The nurse walked in as soon as he left.

“Good morning, Samantha.”

“Sam.” I corrected.

“How are you feeling today?” she asked.

“Kind of weird.”

“Do you feel weak?”

“No, just not myself.”

“Are you having any pain or soreness in your neck?”

“A little bit. It kind of feels stiff.” She walked over and started feeling around my neck.

“You’re pretty bruised up. Those will go away. That’s where the stiffness and soreness is coming from. You’re muscles are healing.”

“So can I go home?” I asked anxiously.

“Well let’s wait for the doctor to come in and talk to you. He may want to check some other things out, especially since you’re pregnant.”

“But Freddie said they said the baby is fine.” I stammered.

“It is. But we just want to check that it’s getting everything it needs and nothing that happened affected your pregnancy.” Freddie walked back into the room.

“Hey Annie.” He waved to the nurse and walked back to the chair.

“Hi Freddie.” She smiled.

“So what’s the verdict?”

“Well we’re going to have the doctor check her out one more time just to make sure everything’s okay but I think she’ll be good to go today.” The nurse announced.

“What time does the doc come in?” I asked. I just wanted to leave.

“He’ll be in in about a half an hour. In the meantime you can watch some T.V. or whatever you want to do.”

“I’m hungry,” I rubbed my belly, “and so is little Cassie.” The nurse laughed.

“I’ll get some food up here for you,” she laughed and walked out of the room. Freddie half smiled and walked over to the side of the bed.

“Cassie, huh?”

“Yup. Cassie Julianne Benson.”

“What if it’s a boy?” he raised his eyebrows.

“It’s not. It’s a girl. I just know it.”

“Just for arguments sake,” he questioned.

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it. What do you think?” I asked. Freddie thought for a minute.

“I like Arthur.” I stared at him with my mouth open.

“Are you serious?” Freddie laughed.

“No, it was a joke Sam.”

“Okay. Well, we aren’t leaving the baby naming to you then.” Freddie laughed harder and sat on the bed next to me.

“I never thought you’d be so attached to a baby. You hate kids.” Freddie noted. I put my hand on my belly.

“Yeah but it’s different because this is our baby. Like, I have to take care of it and protect it. I’m responsible for her.”

“Or him.” Freddie added.

“Or him.” I repeated.

“Look who’s turning into a mushy mommy.” I looked at my belly.

“That sounds so weird. I never saw myself as a mom.”

“Well, you’re going to be a great mother.”

“And you’re going to be a great father. Just like you’re a great husband.” There was a knock on the door.

“Hello Sam,” the doctor walked in and smiled at me, “how are you feeling today?” he asked.

“Kind of sore.”

“That’s to be expected after things like this.” He nodded and wrote something on this clipboard. Then he set his clipboard down and picked up a little microphone looking thing.

“What is that thing?”

“This is a fetal doppler heart monitor. It’s used to listen to your baby’s heartbeat.”

“The baby has a heartbeat?”

“Well, you’re about 9 and a half weeks now. We should be able to hear it.” He reassured. He put the doppler thing on my stomach and we waited.

“I don’t hear anything. Is she okay?”

“or he.”

“Shut up, Freddie.”

“Relax, Sam. Sometimes we just have to move it around a little.” In a matter of seconds I heard something that almost sounded like white noise.

“There’s your baby’s heartbeat. Everything sounds good.” I smiled and put my hand back on my stomach.

“Well, Sam. I’m going to get your discharge papers and when I come back we’ll talk about what you should do while you’re at home.” The doctor picked up his clipboard, nodded his head and walked out of the room.

“Sam, I’ve never seen you happier.” Freddie acknowledged. I smiled at him.

“I can’t believe there’s a baby in there. And it’s not made out of food.” Freddie laughed.

“Are you excited?” I asked.

“Of course. What’s not to be excited about? We’re going to have a baby, Sam.”

“I know. It’s crazy,” I whispered softly. The doctor walked back into the room.

“Just sign on this line stating that you were treated and cared for here and then you can change and go home. If you feel any sort of weakness or dizziness, come back in to the emergency room.” I signed the paper and got out of the bed and took my hospital gown off. I had put my clothes back on after the nurse had left the night before.

“Well that works too.” Freddie chuckled.

“Let’s go Freddio.” Freddie shook the doctor’s hand and we left the hospital.


	20. Chapter 20

We walked back into the apartment and Freddie threw the keys on the counter along with this jacket.

“I can’t believe it has a heartbeat already.” I said. Freddie smiled.

“Crazy, huh?”

“Yeah. It’s, like, real now. Not that it wasn’t before. But it’s a real thing. Living.” Freddie hugged me and then backed away.

“Oh! I have something for you!” he ran into our room and came back out with a book.

“What the hell is this?” he handed it to me.

“It’s a book of baby names.”

“You bought me a book full of names?” I stared at him.

“No. Carly did. But I was supposed to say I did because you hated her. I thought we could go through it and pick out a name for a BOY because there’s still the possibility it’s a BOY and not a girl.”

“You want a boy don’t you?” I raised my eyebrows at him.

“I don’t care as long as he or she is healthy and happy.”

“Well, I’m not putting a curse on her by picking out a boy name.” I threw the book on the couch and Freddie laughed.

“Sam, weather you pick out a boy name or not is not going to change the gender. Now come on. This will be fun.” Freddie was really excited about it so I sat on the couch next to him and he opened the book.

“Trevor.” He started. It was going to be a long night.

“No.”

“Michael.”

“No.”

“Jackson.”

“No.”

“Luigi.” I turned to face him.

“What?” he smiled

“Just checking to see if you were really paying attention.” I leaned back against the couch.

“Sam, don’t be so excited.” He stated sarcastically. I laughed and looked at him.

“You’re the excited one.”

“Of course I am. I’ve only wanted this for five years.”

“Wait, what? FIVE years?”

“Yeah ever since we started living with each other.”

“So you were trying to knock me up before we were even married?”

“No. I didn’t say I’ve been trying to get you pregnant for five years. I said I’ve wanted a baby for five years. I respected how you felt.” I smiled and shook my head.

“What?”

“You’re weird? Who wants a kid before they’re actually about to have one?”

“Um? Normal people?” I smirked.

“You callin’ me weird?”

“That depends,” Freddie smirked too, “you in a good mood or a bad mood?”

*I stared doing that finger motion thing like when you tell someone to come to you and I asked Lauren what she would call that and she goes ‘fingering.’ Oh jeez. Not appropriate.”

“I’m in a VERY good mood,” I motioned for him to come closer to me.

“Where’d this come from?” he was still smiling but he was leaning towards me.

“Something about your sarcasm turns me on.” Freddie chuckled. His face was inches from mine and I could feel his breath.

“You’re gorgeous, Mrs. Benson.”

“The one and only.” I was looking at his mouth. I didn’t care what he had to say anymore.

“Forever.” He whispered. He finally kissed me. I smiled and moved his hand down to my stomach. I hadn’t gained much weight, but you could definitely see a small bump. Freddie looked at his hand and then back at me. He smiled and kissed me again.

“I love you. More than life.” He spoke softly.

“I love you too. More than ham.” He chuckled again before I cut him off by pressing my lips to his. There was a knock on the door and Freddie groaned. I rolled my eyes. Freddie moved away from me and I got up to answer the door.

“What?” I yanked the door open and Carly was standing outside.

“Hey. Just wanted to see how you were doing?” she looked confused.

“Nice timing, genius.” I moved aside to let her in. She accepted the offer and walked to the couch.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I was about to have sex with my husband until you showed up.” She scrunched up her nose.

“Sam!” Freddie scoffed.

“Icky.” Carly whined.

“Oh, Carly. I will love the day you actually have sex.” She shuddered and I laughed.

“How are you feeling?” she asked. I shrugged.

“Fine.” She looked at Freddie, who gave a nervous smile, and then back at me.

“I’m just gonna…” she pointed to the door and I opened it up for her again.

“Good idea.” I motioned her out and she left quickly. I slammed the door shut with a dumbfounded look and then turned back to Freddie. He stood up and walked over to me. He slid his hands around my waist and I put my arms around his neck. He smiled and kissed me again. Things started getting heated again and there was another knock on the door.

“Oh my God! If that’s Carly again—“ I whipped the door open and Spencer walked in. Freddie rolled his eyes.

“You guys have to see this sculpture. It’s so awesome.” He looked at Freddie and then at me. I was standing with my hand on the door handle and I was half leaning on it.

“Oh. You’re busy.” He noted. I nodded.

“Yeah. Just a little bit.” He walked slowly out of the apartment and I slammed the door shut again. Freddie was next to me in a second. He started kissing me again. I intertwined my fingers with his. It always felt perfect. Like we belonged together because we just fit. It only lasted a second, though, because a third person had shown up to our apartment.

“I quit!” I pushed Freddie back and opened the door for the third time. Marcus, one of Freddie’s friends, was standing outside the door. Freddie walked to the door.

“Hey! Marcus! What are you doing here?”

“Well I heard Sam was expecting! Had to come say congrats, man!” Freddie could easily turn himself off for his friends.

“Thanks man. Come in come in.” I stared at Freddie in disbelief and rolled my eyes. I slammed the door shut, walked over to the couch and sat down. Freddie and Marcus sat at the counter.

“So when did you guys find out?” Marcus asked.

“Like a week and a half ago. She’s about 9 ½ weeks now. At least that’s what the doctor said.”

“I heard what Brad did. Dude, I always knew he was nuts.” I turned around and looked at them. Freddie was looking at me and he smiled. I turned back around.

“Yeah. He’s crazy for sure.”

“So what have you been doing?”

“Oh, I’m going to school. I don’t do much else. Got no time.”

“Yeah sounds insane. Congrats. Never saw you going to college.”

“Neither did I.” they both shared a laugh and I rolled my eyes again and sighed.

“What’s up with Sam? She seems annoyed.” Marcus was an observant one.

“Yeah she kind of is.” Freddie responded. I stood up.

“I’m going to take a nap.” I announced and walked to our room.

“I love you.” Freddie yelled.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” I slammed the door shut and layed in bed. I really was tired. I closed my eyes and fell asleep ten minutes later.


	21. Chapter 21

“Sam! Get up! We’re going to be late!” Freddie was yelling across the apartment. I had another stupid doctor appointment today, but Freddie always made them so early. It was getting hard to sleep because the baby was always making me feel sick. Freddie stomped into the room.

“Sam!” I threw a pillow at him. He caught it, dropped it on the floor and started shaking me.

“You aren’t missing this appointment! Get up!”

“It’s too early!” I whined.

“Sam, come on! Now! You have three minutes before we leave ready or not ready.”

“Just reschedule it.” I rolled over.

“No. Come on why does every morning have to be a fight with you?”

“Freddie it’s 6:30 in the morning!”

“Yeah because your appointment is at 7:00 and it takes fifteen minutes to get there and we need to be there early. Get up, now. I mean it. Don’t make me call Carly.”

“Carly isn’t awake right now.”

“Wanna bet?” I rolled out of bed.

“Fine! Can I take a shower?”

“Are you going to be ready in five minutes or less with a shower?”

“No! Freddie you don’t need to be there fifteen minutes early.”

“If I left it up to you we’d get there ten minutes late. Now hurry up. If you had gotten up the first time I tried to wake you up you would have had time to take a shower.”

“Chyeah. 6:00 in the morning. Momma don’t get up that early.”

“Hurry up, Sam! I’ll be waiting for you.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” I walked into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I threw my hair up. I had no desire to be awake.

“Sam!”

“What! Shut up!” I walked out of the bathroom and changed my clothes.

“Let’s go!”

“I’m coming! Jeez!” I walked out of our bedroom and put my shoes on.

“I hate these stupid appointments.”

“Yeah I get it, Sam, but get used to it.” I rubbed my eyes and yawned. Freddie opened the door and followed me out. We got into the car and I leaned against the window. I fell asleep again instantly.

X

Freddie woke me up fifteen minutes later.

“Sam. Let’s go. We’re here.”

“I don’t wanna. Just make them come out here.” Freddie sighed and opened his car door. In a second my door was opened and I almost fell out of the car. I opened my eyes.

“Jerk.”

“Let’s. Go.” He unbuckled the seatbelt and pulled me out of the car. We walked into the building and I sat down as he checked in with the reception lady. Freddie came over and sat by me.

“Why do these appointments have to be so early?” Freddie rolled his eyes.

“You’re really whiney today.” I folded my arms and leaned forward in the chair.

“Yeah that’s because she never lets me sleep anymore! I have to get up every five minutes.”

“It will be over before you know it and then you’ll be wishing she was back in your stomach.” Freddie rubbed my back.

“Hey you didn’t call her an it!” I sat up.

“That’s because you’re in a bad mood.” The nurse came out.

“Sam? Freddie? You ready?” I stood up and Freddie followed. The nurse brought me back over to the scale.

“Ugh, I hate doing this.”

“Yeah, most women do. Especially pregnant women.” I stepped on the scale and she wrote on her clipboard. Then she handed me a small cup.

“What’s this for?” I took the cup from her.

“We need a urine sample from you to test your sugar and protein levels.”

“Are you serious?”

“Afraid so.” The nurse gave me a sympathetic look. I looked at Freddie and then walked to the bathroom.

“This is so gross.” I heard Freddie laughing behind me. I brought the cup back to the nurse and she gave it to another nurse.

“You ready?”

“Something like that,” I nodded. We walked into a small room again. It was different from the other rooms we had gone to. It looked like an average room, but there was one of those Doppler things sitting on a table.

“Alright, let’s take your blood pressure.” She put a blood pressure cup around my arm. I hated them. They always felt weird, like it was trying to squeeze my arm off.

“Okay, sounds good. Ready to hear your baby’s heartbeat?” I looked at Freddie and he was looking at me. There was no sweeter sound than that. She picked up the Doppler thing and I layed back and pulled my shirt up. She put the Doppler on my stomach. The room filled with noise again. I was amazed. This was a real baby, and she was all mine. The nurse smiled at me. She took the Doppler off my stomach.

“So what do you want to have?”

“I want a girl. She can be just like me.” I was getting more attached to this baby than I ever thought I would.

“What about Freddie?”

“I don’t care. As long as it’s healthy and happy it can be any gender it wants to be.” Freddie answered.

“When can we find out?” I asked, sitting up and pulling my shirt back down.

“Usually around 16 weeks depending on how stubborn your baby is.”

“And since its Sam’s baby it will be stubborn.” I shot a look at Freddie and he laughed.

“How far along are you now?”

“I’m like 12 weeks or something. At least according to what the doc told me when I went to the hospital.”

“Oh no. What happened?”

“Some dude attacked her.” Freddie answered.

“Oh, I heard something about that. Didn’t think it was true.” I shrugged.

“So are we done?” I asked. The nurse nodded.

“You can stop at the desk and set up your next appointment before you leave. Have a great day guys.” I jumped off the table and Freddie took my hand. We walked out of the room and up to the counter.

“Hey. What can I do for you?” the receptionist asked.

“We need to set up another appointment.” Freddie responded. I looked around the waiting room. I saw a woman who looked like she was ready to pop. I desperately hoped I didn’t look like that before I had the baby.

“Sam, let’s go.” Freddie was staring at me.

“Oh, right.” We walked out the doors.

“You hungry?”

“No.” Freddie stopped.

“No?” he raised his eyebrows.

“No. I don’t feel good.”

“Are you sick?” he asked, concerned.

“No. She’s poisoning me,” I answered, “every time I eat I throw up.”

“Well you have to eat something, Sam.”

“God you’re always forcing me to do stuff.” I complained.

“Well. Yeah. Because you’re pregnant. Baby needs stuff too, Sam.”

“Can we just go home? I’m tired.”

“Fine.” He opened the car door for me.

“Well thank you good sir.” I smiled. Freddie smiled at me and chuckled a little.

“You’re surely welcome fair lady.” I laughed and got in the car.

The car ride home seemed like forever. Maybe it was because every five seconds I made Freddie pull over.

“Oh my God. Who really WANTS this?” Freddie shook his head and rubbed my back.

“It’s just a phase, babe, it will go away.”

“When? This is disgusting.”

“I don’t know. Just be patient.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one hurling all your food every five seconds.” I slammed the door shut.

“We’re almost home. Then you can lay down and relax.” I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. Freddie stopped the car.

“Come on, babe.”

“Just wait.” I sat for another minute. If I moved I’d be back to throwing up.

“I changed my mind. This is definitely a boy. Causing me so much trouble.” Freddie laughed and got out of the car and opened my door. The air felt nice.

“Come on, babe. The sooner you get out of the car the sooner we’ll get up to the apartment.” I heard Carly in the distance.

“Hey, I’m glad you guys are back. Woah, what’s up with Sam?” she asked.

“She doesn’t feel good.”

“Oh, is she sick?”

“No, it’s just the baby.” I leaned out of the car and threw up again.

“Gross, Sam. What on earth did you eat?” Carly asked.

“Nothing.” I told her. Freddie carefully leaned into the car and unbuckled the seatbelt again, then he took my hand and we went to the elevator for the apartment. Carly followed. We got up to the apartment and I layed on the couch.

“Sam, you should lay in bed.” I glared at Freddie.

“Or on the couch.” He corrected. Carly kneeled next to me.

“How long is this supposed to last?” she asked. I shrugged.

“Too long.” I groaned. Freddie walked over with a sandwich and tried to hand it to me.

“No. God, Freddie. What’s wrong with you?” I swatted at him. Carly looked at Freddie.

“You’re really grouchy today.” Carly pointed out.

“I’m tired, I don’t feel good and I just want this to be over.” I started to cry. Carly stared at me.

“And I’m always so emotional. It’s like, I can’t do anything. Everything sets me off on this spiral of crazy!” I wiped my eyes as Freddie approached the couch. I half sat up and he sat down. I layed my head on his lap again. He stroked my hair.

“Just go to sleep, babe.”

“I can’t! I’m so hungry!” I started crying again. Freddie sighed and started to move.

“I got it.” Carly jumped up and walked into the kitchen.

“I want bacon,” I whined. Freddie shook his head.

“Greasy food is just going to make you more sick, Sam.”

“I said. I. Want. Bacon.” I growled. Freddie sighed again. I could hear Carly doing stuff in the kitchen and then the sweet sizzle of bacon filled my ears. I could smell it cooking. It was amazing. Ten minutes later Carly brought a plate of bacon over. I was so hungry.

“Sam, you’re going to start throwing up again if you keep eating that.”

“Shut up.” I said. Carly laughed.

“It’s so weird to see you like this.” She laughed.

“I know,” I shoved another piece of bacon in my mouth, “this is so good!” Freddie rolled his eyes. I picked up another piece of bacon and then set it down. Carly grabbed the bucket by the door and put it under me just as I threw up again.

“I told you not to eat the bacon!” Freddie lectured. He started rubbing my back again. I layed back against him and closed my eyes. I could hear Carly mumbling to herself and walking away.

“Sam, just go back to sleep.” I nodded.

“No problem there.” I tried to keep my breathing steady and then fell asleep.


	22. Chapter 22

“Have fun babe.” Freddie kissed me.

“I’ll try not to kill her.” I laughed. Freddie smiled at me and hugged me.

“Just be careful.” He warned. I rolled my eyes and scoffed.

“Nothing’s going to happen to me.” He grabbed my face and kissed my forehead.

“Just….be careful, Sam. There are crazy people out there.”

“I feel like a little kid going to my first day of school.” I had been feeling a lot better lately, which was why I was going to spend the night at Carly’s.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Benson.” He smiled and opened the door. I walked out of the apartment.

“Hey Sam?” I turned back around.

“Yeah?”

“If you start feeling sick again you can come back here.” I smiled.

“I’ll be fine. Besides, Carly knows what to do.” I turned and started walking away again.

“Sam?” I stopped and shook my head, then turned around.

“Yes?”

“Are you sure you want to go?” I walked back up to him.

“Yes, I’m sure I want to go. Don’t worry about it. It’s a 2 ½ minute walk to Carly’s house.” I reassured him. He put his arms around me.

“What if I don’t want you to go?”

“I don’t think one night is going to kill you. Besides, it would be good to be away from each other for a little bit.”

“We haven’t been apart overnight since you moved in with me.”

“Exactly.”

“Well, have fun.” He kissed me again and let me go. I walked down the hall and turned around once. Freddie was just staring at me.

“Call Marcus or something,” I suggested. He shook his head.

“Nah, I think I’ll just go watch a movie and go to bed or something.” I shrugged.

“Whatever makes you happy.” I turned back around and walked down the stairs. It didn’t take long for me to get to the front door of the building. I opened it and the cold air hit my face. It felt nice. I walked down to Carly’s house and walked in. Carly was on the couch with some guy on top of her. They were making out.

“What the hell?” they broke apart quickly and I looked at Carly.

“Oh. Sam. I forgot you were coming over.” She started straightening out her hair. I laughed.

“Carly! I didn’t know you had it in ya!” her face turned red and I looked at the guy. He grabbed his jacket and ran out of the house. I looked back at Carly and raised my eyebrows. She cleared her throat and I threw my bag on the floor.

“So…” she dragged.

“So…” I repeated.

“How’s the vomiting?”

“Better. Of course you already knew that.”

“So what do you want to do?” she asked. I shrugged.

“I don’t know. I’ve been so exhausted all the time I never feel like doing anything.” She looked at my belly.

“You’re really starting to show.” She pointed out. I took off my jacket and dropped it on the floor.

“I know! Look! I got one of those ugly little things already.” I lifted my shirt and showed her my side.

“A stretch mark?” she looked at me.

“Yeah! Isn’t it disgusting? It looks like a little white worm embedded in my skin.”

“Sam, that’s gross. Don’t compare stretch marks to worms. And why are you making a mess out of my house?” I turned and looked at my stuff on the floor.

“Habit?”

“That explains it.” She mumbled. I sat on the couch.

“What’s Freddie doing tonight?” she asked.

“I don’t know. He said he was going to watch a movie and go to bed. I told him to call Marcus.”

“Oh.” It was different hanging out with Carly not that I was pregnant. I was always tired and I never felt like pranking anybody or acting crazy.

“Hey Carls?”

“Yeah?”

“Why did you kiss him?” she was quiet for a while.

“I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to get back at you. I don’t even like Freddie like that. I never did. I guess I was just so mad about you hurting him and lying to me that I wanted you to feel how I felt.” She looked down at her hands.

“Next time you’re mad at me just ignore me. Don’t go after Freddie.”

“I’m hoping there’s not a next time.”

“Me too.” We were quiet again.

“I’m hungry.” I patted my stomach and Carly laughed.

“Of course you are.” We stood up and I followed her into the kitchen.

“You want more bacon?” I shook my head.

“No way.” She stared at me.

“Are you serious?” I nodded.

“Yes. Very. Do you have any fruit?” she looked at me in confusion.

“Fruit?”

“Yes. Fruit. Like apples and strawberries and peaches.”

“You want fruit over bacon?”

“Yeah.” Carly pulled some grapes out of the fridge and turned cautiously to me with the bag in hand. I grabbed them.

“Perfect!” I ripped the bag open and shoved six grapes in my mouth. She just stared at me.

“You want some?” I held the back out to her.

“No? I’m good.” She walked back over the couch and turned the T.V. on. I sat next to her and stuck my hand back in the bag of grapes. Carly looked at me again.

“Cassie likes fruit.” She smiled.

“You’re having a girl?”

“I don’t know yet. I just think it’s a girl.”

“When can you find out?”

“Hopefully in 3 ½ weeks.”

“Hopefully?”

“Yeah, the nurse told us that usually around 16 weeks we can find out if the baby isn’t being stubborn.”

“What does Freddie want?”

“He says he doesn’t care as long as it’s healthy and happy and all that crap.” I put more grapes in my mouth.

“These are really good grapes,” I said.

“Ew. Sam. Don’t talk with food in your mouth.” Carly turned away with a disgusted look on her face.

“Hey Carlyyyyyy” she turned and I opened in my mouth.

“You’re disgusting.” She turned away from me again.

“Yeah but that’s why you put up with me.”

“Something like that.”

“Hey Carly, I have a really serious question.”

“What?” she turned back to me.

“When we have the baby, will you be the Godmother?” she smiled wide.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“But you don’t even believe in God.”

“So? Freddie does. That’s all that matters.”

“Of course, Sam!” she hugged me.

“Carly—“ she backed away.

“What?”

“You’re perfume was making me sick.” Her face was questioning.

“It’s just, the smell. It makes me want to throw up.”

“You love my perfume!”

“Carly. I’m pregnant. Everything smells funny.”

“Oh.” She sat back slowly.

“You don’t smell bad, Carly. It’s just me.”

“So who was the guy?” I asked casually.

“Nobody.” She replied quickly.

“Boyfriend?”

“No.”

“Woah! You were making out with a guy who’s not your boyfriend?” I practically jumped off the couch.

“Shhh, Sam!”

“Carly!” I started laughing.

“Sam it’s no big deal!” I stood up.

“Who is he?”

“Just some guy.” I laughed harder.

“This is awesome.”

“Sam, just stop.”

“Are you going to have sex with him?”

“Sam!”

“Are you?” Carly turned red again.

“Oh my God! Carly! You had sex with him!”

“Sam!”

“Carly!” I cracked up.

“Don’t say anything to anyone.” She stood up.

“Oh my God Freddie would love to hear this.” I took my phone out of my pocket and Carly snatched it from my hands.

“I mean it.”

“Carly you finally had sex! We’ve been waiting like 6 years for this!”

“Sam just don’t make it a big deal. It’s really not that big of a deal.”

“Oh my God and with a guy you aren’t even dating!”

“Sam just drop it.” I looked at Carly. She looked like she was getting irritated.

“Okay. Fine.” I grabbed my phone back from her.

“I’m sooooo tired!

“Me too.”

“Let’s go to sleep.” I layed on the couch.

“Night!” I yelled. Carly laughed.

“Goodnight, Sam!” she walked into her room and I closed my eyes, letting sleep overcome me.


	23. Chapter 23

Something smelled really good, and when something smelled good I couldn’t sleep. I sat up and looked around. Carly was standing in the kitchen.

“Good morning sunshine.” She smiled.

“Hey mother Mary, oh right, nevermind.” She glared at me.

“Shut up, Sam.” I rolled off the couch and walked into the kitchen.

“Whatcha doing?” I leaned over her shoulder.

“I’m cooking. Sam, back off.” She swatted me away.

“What are you cooking? I’m so hungry!”

“Waffles.” I hugged her from behind.

“You’re the best!” she shrugged me off.

“Get off me!” she laughed.

“Have you talked to Freddie?” she asked me.

“I just woke up. Why? Is something wrong?”

“No, he just texted me and told me to tell you to text him when you woke up.” I walked back over to the couch and grabbed my cell phone off the coffee table.

_Hey babe. What’s up?_

I started laughing again and Carly shook her head.

“I never gave you this much trouble when you started having sex.”

“That’s because everyone knew I would have sex before I was married. And, no offence Carly, but nobody ever thought you would have sex. You’re 22 years old and still think boys have cooties. Well, obviously not now.” I laughed. My phone went off.

 _I miss you. When are you coming home?_ I hit reply.

_Soon. Carly’s cooking and I’m REALLY hungry._

“Sam! Are you even listening to me?” I turned to Carly.

“No. Not really.” I mumbled. I started playing with my phone again.

“Come over here and eat.” I jumped off the couch and ran to the table. Carly was a really good cook.

“Sam! You’re going to choke and then Freddie will never let you come over here again!” she sat down on the other side of the table.

“But I’m so hungry!” I groaned. Carly stared at me.

“I know. You’ve told me.” My phone went off again.

 _I can feed you over here too. I miss you. Hurry up._ I laughed.

“What?”

“Freddie’s being a nub.”

_I’ll be home soon._

“You wanna come over today?” I asked. Carly looked down with a smile.

“No, Jeremy and I are going to hang out.” I laughed.

“The dude?”  Carly nodded and I laughed again. There was a knock on the door and Carly jumped up and ran to the door. She opened the door and looked down. The dude started kissing her and I cleared my throat. They looked at me.

“Jeremy, this is my friend Sam.”

“What’s up?”

“You tell me.” I laughed and walked back into the livingroom. I picked up my jacket and my backpack and walked past them.

“See you later, Carls.”

“Bye Sam,” they started making out again before I even shut the door. It was a lot warmer today than it was yesterday. I walked into the apartment building and took the elevator. I was too lazy for stairs today. I opened the door to the apartment and saw Freddie sitting on the couch. He turned and looked at me then stood up and walked over to me. He hugged me.

“I missed you.” I leaned my head against his shoulder.

“I know, you told me. I missed you too.” I stepped away and smiled.

“I have something to tell you but I’m not supposed to tell you so you can’t tell anybody!” I rambled. Freddie looked at me, confused, and then nodded.

“Okay?”

“Mmmm! Carly had sex!” he laughed.

“Are you serious?” he kept laughing.

“Yeah! Crazy right?”

“Oh my God!” he kissed me. “I don’t care,” he kissed me again, “I just want to spend the day with you.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.” I walked over and sat on the couch. Freddie sat next to me and put his arm around me.

“How are you feeling today?” he asked.

“Good.” I answered.

“See, I told you it would pass.” He chuckled.

“What did you do last night? I asked him. He shrugged.

“Just sat here. I didn’t really have anything to do.”

“Lame.”

“Very,” he kissed me again.

“I love you. I never want you to go away again. It sucks waking up alone.”

“I love you too.” I smiled at him.

*is it wrong to geek out at Rex dying on Victorious?*

“What do you want to do today, babe. Anything you want.”

“I want to go to the zoo.”

*my sister goes “did you put another chapter up yet?” I said “last night.” She goes “good. That’s more like it woman.” Haha I love my sissy! She starts her senior year TOMORROW!*

“The zoo?” he asked me.

“Yeah. Cassie’s first trip to the zoo.” I laughed.

“Or Micah.” Freddie smiled.

“Micah?” I turned to him and smiled again.

“Micah James.” He finished.

“I like it.” Freddie moved his arm and stood up.

“Well let’s go.” I stood up and grabbed his hand.

“Wait.” I put his hand on my belly again and he smiled.

“I love when you do that.” He whispered. I nodded and we both looked at his hand. It was quiet.

“I can’t wait to meet it.” He mumbled.

“Freddie, I’m scared.” He looked back up at me.

“Of what?”

“I don’t want Brad’s baby.” Freddie put his hands on my face.

“It doesn’t matter. There’s nothing to be worried about. We’re still a family.” He kissed my forehead.

“Do you think it will hurt?” he laughed.

“It will hurt me more than it will hurt you. Especially since you’ll probably beating me up the whole time.”

“Oh Freddie. So overdramatic all the time.”

“Just wait and see, Sam. You’re going to hate every minute of it.”

“But it will be worth it when I see her face.”

“Or his face.”

“Or his face,” I corrected, “I can’t wait to find out what it is.” I rubbed my hand up and down my stomach. It was so cool.

“You wanna go?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Freddie opened the door for me and we left.

X

_“Let’s go up to my apartment. We can talk more in there.”_

_“Uhhh okay?” I stepped out of the car and he led the way to his apartment. It was a big area, a lot different from where Freddie and I lived. He sat on the couch and patted the spot next to him. I sat down._

_“I don’t know. I just hate her. She’s never done anything for me. I mean, she hasn’t even wanted anything to do with me since I moved out. I don’t even know why she showed up to our—“ Brad kissed me. I pushed him and stood up._

_“What the hell are you doing?” Brad stood up too and put his arms around my waist. I pushed him again._

_“Come on, Sam. You can trust me. I won’t hurt you.”_

_“Just, get away from me.” I backed towards the door and he followed. He grabbed my face and kissed me again. I shoved him and slapped him._

_“Sam, baby, nobody has to know. Just relax.” He pulled me closer to him. I tried to push him again but he wouldn’t move._

_“Get. Off. Of. Me!” He kissed me again._

_“I’m married! Get away from me!” He shook me._

_“Freddie won’t care. Just go along with it and I’ll let you leave.”_

_“No!” I punched his shoulder._

_“That doesn’t hurt, Sam.” He kissed me again._

_“Just go away!”_

_“Sam. You aren’t leaving.”_

I shot up in bed and screamed. Freddie sat up and turned the light on.

“What’s wrong?” he rubbed his eyes. I shook my head and he pulled me to him.

“Whatever it was it will be okay. You’re safe with me. I promise.”

“I can’t sleep. I’m going to sit in the livingroom.” I got out of bed and walked into the livingroom. Freddie sighed and followed me.

“What’s going on?” he asked me.

“I just can’t sleep.” I mumbled.

“Why can’t you sleep?” he questioned.

“Because every time I close my eyes all I can see is Brad. I hate that.” Freddie sat next to me.

“Sam, he’s gone. You’re never going to have to deal with him again.”

“What if he gets out of prison and finds me? What if he wants to see the baby?”

“It won’t be a baby anymore.”

“But that’s even worse.” I groaned and layed back in the couch.

“I love you, Sam, don’t worry about it. I know it freaks you out. I wish I could help you.” I leaned against him.

“I wish I had never met him.”

“I know, babe, now go back to sleep. Everything will be fine.” Freddie whispered. He was running his hand up and down my arm. His body heat felt nice.

“How are you always so perfect?”

“I’m not.”

“Yes you are.” I mumbled. I was feeling tired again.

“Shhh, just close your eyes and go to sleep.”

“You’re not going to leave right?” I was almost asleep.

“No. I’ll be here when you wake up.” I barely heard him. Everything faded into the distance and I was back to sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

I woke up in the morning and looked over. Freddie was still sitting upright on the couch. He looked at me.

“Good morning.” He smiled. I cuddled closer to him.

“Did you sleep at all?” I asked him. He put his arms around me.

“No. But that’s okay. As long as you’re not screaming I’m good.” I smiled. Freddie was such a great guy. I would never understand why he chose me. Crazy Sam.

“You hungry babe?” he asked. I shrugged.

“I guess.” He moved his arms and I sat up.

“What do you want?” he asked. I stood up.

“I can get it.” He followed me into the kitchen. I took the bagels out of the fridge and grabbed one out of the bag. I ripped a part off and shoved it in my mouth.

“You’re eating it plain?” he looked at me like I was crazy.

“Yeah?” he laughed and shook his head.

“I’m going to take a shower.” He walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I jumped up on the counter. It was harder to climb up there the farther along I got. Freddie used to yell at me for sitting on the counter, but I never listened to him when he told me to get down so he stopped telling me to. I started kicking my legs back and forth and kept eating my bagel. I was really bored.

“Freddie!” I yelled. He came running out of the bathroom.

“What’s wrong?” he looked panicked. In fact, he probably was. He didn’t bother wrapping a towel around himself.

“I’m boooorrrrreeeeed.” I whined. He rolled his eyes.

“We can find something to do when I’m done.” I jumped off the counter, causing Freddie to step forward.

“I wish you would quit doing that. One of these times you’re going to fall over.” I folded my arms.

“Is that a fat joke?”

“Oh my God, Sam. You’re not fat. Jeez.”

“I feel HUGE!” I looked down. I wasn’t used to this evergrowing stomach. I had always been skinny. Freddie laughed.

“I don’t know how you’re going to make it to full term.” He turned back into the bathroom and shut the door again. I walked around the livingroom. I didn’t understand why I was so bored. I sat on the couch and turned the T.V. on. Someone slammed the door open and I turned to look. I rolled my eyes when I realized it was my mom.

“What do you want?” she marched over to the couch and grabbed my arm, pulling me off the couch.

“Ow. Get off of me.”

“Ow. Get off of me!” she mimicked, “Did you plan on making me the last to know you were having a kid?”

“No. I planned on not telling you at all.” She tightened her grip on her arm.

“Now is that any way to treat your mother?” she shook me.

“Oh, screw you mom. I don’t have to listen to your shit anymore.” She shoved me back onto the couch and got in my face.

“You know, you’ve been mouthy for a long time.”

“I AM a product of you.” She hit me. I stared at her.

“Watch how you talk to me.” She snarled.

“I’m 22 years old I don’t have to WATCH anything.” She hit me again.

“Hey! What the hell are you doing?” My mom shot straight up and I turned to see Freddie was out of the bathroom.

“Teaching my daughter about respect. What? You got a problem with that?” she smirked. Freddie didn’t generally mouth off to my mom.

“Hell yeah I have a problem with it. What right do you have to be hitting her like that?” he walked closer to my mom.

“I have every right to do whatever I want with MY child.” She sneered. Freddie walked closer to her.

“In case you haven’t noticed, she’s not a child anymore.”

“I pushed her out of me. Until the day I die she’s my child.” Freddie was inches from my mom. If anger radiated like heat, the whole room would be on fire.

“That day might come sooner than you expect if you don’t leave.”

“Excuse me? Are you threatening me?”

“That’s not a threat. That’s a promise. I’m tired of you pushing her around all the time. She’s not your little puppet. She doesn’t have to listen to you anymore. She’s married. She’s grown up. You didn’t want to be around back then there’s no reason for you to be around now.” I wanted Freddie to hit her, or spit on her, or push her, but Freddie had more class than that.

“You have a lot of nerve for a kid.” I looked and saw Mrs. Benson standing in the doorway watching everything happen. She never said anything.

“I’m not a kid either. Leave.” Freddie demanded. It was weird seeing him that mad.

“Make me.” She stared him down.

“Don’t tempt me.” He growled. My mom took a step back.

“She’s your problem now.”

“She’s never been a problem.” He took a step towards her. It was a repeating pattern. She’d step back and he’d step forward. Mrs. Benson walked into the apartment and stood by me.

“What’s going on?” It was the first time we would have a real conversation.

“Being protective.”

“Of what?”

“Of me.”

“Why?”

“Because my mom keeps pushing me around.” She turned and looked at me. I looked back at Freddie, who was by the door with my mom. She took one more step back and he slammed the door in her face and locked it. He stared at the door for a minute and then turned around. He half jumped.

“Oh my God, mom. When did you get here?”

“When you were fighting with Sam’s mom.”

“And you just stood there?”

“Yes. I didn’t come here to see you. I came here to see Sam. And it seems we have a lot more to talk about than I thought.”

“Mom. Don’t. Just leave Sam alone.”

“Just relax, Fredward. Go in your room. I want to talk to Sam alone.” I looked at Freddie and shook my head, mouthing the word NO. Mrs. Benson sat down next to me.

“I realize I haven’t been very fair to you. You ARE married to my son, after all. As much as it kills me to say it you are part of my family. Seeing Freddie act like that just makes it obvious that he really cares for you.” She cleared her throat.

“Look. I love him. You don’t have to believe it, but I do.” I wasn’t comfortable talking to her about me or Freddie or our relationship. All she had been was trouble. She stood up in our wedding and begged Freddie not to marry me. At least she was there, which was more than what my mom had done.

“I know. Look, Sam, I never really knew you. I don’t know anything about you. I just know that I hate your attitude, I hate the way you’ve treated Freddie, I hate that you broke your vows for a good time—“

“No, it wasn’t ‘a good time.’ It’s more complicated than that and I’d rather not get into it.”

“Well, either way, I don’t know you. I never knew that was your mother. I never knew how rough you had it when you were a kid. I don’t want you to be left with nobody.”

“I’m not left with nobody. I have Freddie. And Carly. And Spencer. And the baby. I don’t really need anybody else.”

“That’s what I came here for. The baby. Do you know whose baby it is?” the dreaded question. I wanted so badly to say ‘yeah, crazy. It’s Freddie’s.’ but I wasn’t sure. And since I wasn’t sure I couldn’t say I was.

“No. But I like to believe its Freddie’s.”

“Well, whatever. If you have any questions just ask me. Mother-to-be’s always need a mother to lean on.” She stood up and started to walk away.

“What does it feel like?” I asked. She turned around.

“What does what feel like?”

“Having a baby.” She hesitated and then came back to sit by me.

“Well, it hurts a lot for a long time. You can get some pain stuff if it’s bothering you. But nothing is more rewarding. I wouldn’t trade Freddie for anything.”

“What’s it like being a mom? I’m so scared I’m going to do something wrong.” She laughed. It was the first time I had ever seen her smile.

“It’s a job for sure. I was scared too. Turns out overprotecting is just as bad as letting them run the streets. I couldn’t tell you. Being a mother is different to different people. Some people love it, some people hate it, some people have their moments. I love being a mom. And you feel really good when they grow up and do great things with their lives. Like with Freddie. Working for a big news show all because of iCarly. You’re going to have your work cut out for you. You’ll cry and laugh and panic but you’ll be proud of what you’re doing and what your child is doing. Cherish every minute. They grow up fast.” Mrs. Benson looked towards our bedroom door and I turned to see Freddie smiling at her. He walked over to the couch.

“Playing nice, Sam?” he smiled. I nodded.

“I think so.” I looked back at Mrs. Benson. She stood up and started walking away and then turned around.

“If you need anything give me a call.” She let herself out and shut the door.

“See? My mom’s not totally crazy.” I stood up and hugged him.

“No, but my mom is.”

“Are you okay?” I nodded.

“Yeah. I’m used to it.” Freddie’s body tensed up and I thought my mom had come back.

“I can’t stand watching people push you around. You know, I always thought you were the kind of person who stood up for herself. You always did around me and Carly.”

“My mom’s just like me. There’s no standing up for myself with her. She and I will always fight. It’s just easier to let her say whatever she wants and leave. At least she leaves.”

“You need to start saying something to her if she comes over here. She can’t keep stressing you out. And if she hits you one more time—“ I kissed him.

“Let’s not talk about her.” He smiled at me.

“Have I told you lately how absolutely crazy I am about you.”

“Only a few thousand times.” I giggled.

“I am,” he put his hand on my face, “you are absolutely perfect to me. I couldn’t have picked a better woman to spend my life with. When you’re mad, when you’re hurting, when you’re happy. You are my life.”

“You’re crazy.” I laughed. He shook his head.

“No. I mean it.”

“I love you, too, Fredwardio.”

“Hey, that’s a new one.” He laughed and kissed me.

“Let’s watch a movie.”

“Yes. Let’s.” I sat down on the couch and he put movie in. We spent the rest of the day sitting on the couch together watching movies and just enjoying the company.


	25. Chapter 25

We were sitting at Freddie’s mom’s house and I was rubbing my belly. It was weird and I still had 26 more weeks of growing belly to endure. Every few minutes Freddie would look my way and smile. He probably thought I couldn’t see him, but I had a way with Freddie. I’d become so in sync with Freddie that if he moved, I moved. Well, that was before I got pregnant. Now when he moves I just sit there, dreading moving at all. I was always so tired. Mrs. Benson came out to the livingroom, where we were sitting, with a giant bottle of pills.

“Sam, have you been taking prenatal vitamins?” I wanted to laugh. Nobody needed those things. It was just a way for a doctor to make you pay for stupid stuff. My mom never took them when she was pregnant.

“Something like that,” I mumbled, looking down at my belly again.

“She refuses to even touch them at the store.” Freddie told her.  Ugh. Freddie. He always had to open his mouth.

“They’re good for the baby, Sam, you really should take them.” She set the bottle on the end table next to me.

“My mom never took those things.” I pushed them away from me.

“Well that would explain a lot.” His mom replied sarcastically.

“Hey. One of us turned out right.” I shrugged.

“Ready to go?” she asked. She had been a lot better lately. She did her best to avoid the sarcastic remarks of how much she hated me. Today she wanted to take me and Freddie shopping. I hated shopping; Freddie hated shopping with his mom. But we agreed to go because as long as she wanted to be there we would let her. It WAS her grandchild…hopefully.

Freddie stood up and stood by me. He always thought I needed help. I wasn’t THAT big. I stood up on my own and he took my hand. His mom walked out of her apartment, the same one he had grown up in, and we followed. Spencer walked out of his apartment at the same time.

“Hey Mrs. Benson where are you—WOAH! SAM! Look at your belly!” he started touching my stomach and I laughed. Freddie stared at him like he was crazy.

“Uh, Spencer, what are you doing?”

“I haven’t seen a baby bump since my mom was pregnant with Carly.” I wasn’t uncomfortable with Spencer touching me, but it was awkward. We were just standing around in the hallway. Spencer stepped back.

“We’re going shopping for the baby.” Mrs. Benson said. Spencer jumped in the air.

“Oh my God! I love babies! Hey, wait a second, I have something for you!” he ran back into his apartment and came back out with a stuffed rabbit that looked as old as me.

“Remember this, Sam?” he held it out to me and I stared at it.

“No?”

“This was your rabbit when you were a kid. You kept it at the apartment because you never wanted your mom to find it.”

“Oh my God! Are you serious?” I grabbed the rabbit and looked at it longer.

“Yeah. Carly kept it locked up in her room. When you guys were seven you asked her to hold onto it for you. Carly came up to me and told me where she put it and told me to never tell anyone. She must have forgotten about it when she moved out.”

“Told you Carly would always be there for you,” Freddie laughed, “we’ll see you later, Spencer.”

X

We were walking around the baby section at the store and I was bored out of my mind. Every few seconds Mrs. Benson would stop, show us something and ask what we thought of it. Freddie and I pretty much ignored her and messed around. We didn’t want to do any of this until we knew what the baby was.

“Freddie! Are you even listening to what I’m saying?” Freddie turned.

“Sorry, mom.” I laughed.

“What do you think of this crib?”

“I think it’s a crib.” I replied.

“Well, yeah. But do you like it?”

“I guess.” Freddie shrugged.

“And you two are having a baby? I dread the day.” I looked over and saw a brown and pink stroller and car seat set.

“Freddie! Check this out.” I dragged him over to the stroller.

“Sam, don’t look at this stuff. You don’t know that it’s a girl.”

“It’s a girl. I’m telling you. I just know.” Freddie rolled his eyes.

“Two more weeks, babe, then we’ll see if you’re right or not.” He rambled.

“Guys. Let’s get serious for a minute. You guys need to start setting this stuff up soon before you get too far into being pregnant.” We walked back over to Mrs. Benson and stared at the cribs. They all seemed so big for just a little person.

“Just pick one, I don’t care. Everyone says they grow up fast, how long are we really going to need a crib?” Freddie and Mrs. Benson stared at me.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe, like, two or more years.” Freddie exaggerated.

“I’m so hungry!” I whined. Freddie rolled his eyes.

“When aren’t you hungry?” he asked.

“When I’m eating.” I laughed.

“Well the sooner we pick this stuff out the sooner we can eat, Sam.”

“Well, I want it all to match. I don’t want her having all kinds of different colored furniture in her room.” Freddie rolled his eyes again.

“What are you going to do if the doctor looks and it’s a boy?”

“Call her a him.”

“Okay, enough.” Mrs. Benson warned. She pointed to a crib and Freddie grabbed the box. Staring at Freddie was like staring at a God. He wasn’t the awkward kid he used to be. He had really grown up. He threw it in the cart and I stared. Nobody should put a crib in a shopping cart. It made me laugh.

“Fredward, you’re going to break it before you even get it home.”

“Okay, mom.” He sighed. We took my hand again and we trailed behind his mom, who had moved on to looking at changing tables.

“You look good, Benson.” I smiled. He looked at me and smiled, then stepped in front of me and put his hands on my waist.

“Oh yeah?” he chuckled.

“Oh yeah.” He kissed me.

“Okay. Enough! Let’s go!” I heard Mrs. Benson yell. Freddie stopped for a second and waved his mom on.

“Just get the one that looks like the crib.” He kissed me again and I laughed. Suddenly he was pulled away from me.

“This isn’t lovey time this is baby time. There are children here” She lectured. Freddie rolled his eyes and took my hand again.

“Don’t they want to know where they came from?” I laughed. Mrs. Benson glared at me.

“Okay, enough now. I mean it.” She warned. We looked around for a while. But I was so bored. And hungry.

*why is Sam pushing Freddie in a shopping cart around school? And what’s with Freddie’s shoes?*

“Let’s go.” We walked to the checkout lanes. We bought a changing table, a crib, a dresser and a rocking chair. I didn’t understand how we fit it all in Mrs. Benson’s van, but we managed. She drove us back to the apartment and opened the back of the van. Carly and Spencer were already waiting outside. Freddie stood by the door until I got out and then walked to the back of the van.

“Just go up to the apartment. We’ve got this.” I rolled my eyes at Freddie.

“I can help. I’m not broken.” I complained.

“You need to relax. Let us handle this.” He tried to hug me.

“Shut up, Freddie,” I pushed him away, “Carly. Help me with this.” We grabbed the crib out of the back of the van. Freddie put his hand on my shoulder.

“Sam—“

“Move or I’ll run you over with the crib.” Freddie backed away and Carly and I went to the elevator. We set the box down on the floor.

“You guys are really having a baby.” Carly pointed out.

“Yes? We’re really having a baby.” I smiled and rubbed my belly.

“Since when do you hang out with Freddie’s mom?” she asked.

“Since she offered to take us shopping.” I said. The elevator dinged and we picked the box up again.

“This is so heavy!” Carly complained.

“I know! For such a little person this is a huge crib.” We got to the apartment and set the box down again. I unlocked the door and opened it, picked the crib back up and led the way to the baby’s room. We had never used this room before. The door was always shut. We set the crib on the floor by the window.

“Woah. I’ve never even seen this room.”

“I know. We don’t use it. Now that we’re having a baby I guess we need it.” We looked around. There was a window on the wall. The closet was big and the room was spacious. The walls were white, but we were painting them when we found out what the baby was. Mrs. Benson came up with the rocking chair and Freddie and Spencer followed with the dresser.

“Let’s bring it over here.” They set it against the smaller wall by the closet.

“Come on, Carly. Let’s go get the changing table.” I started walking out of the room and Freddie pulled me back.

“No. Just stay here. Figure out where you want to put all this stuff. We’ll go get it.” I rolled my eyes again.

“You know, I’m going to be pushing this kid out of me. I think I can handle carrying stuff. You can’t make me sit around all day every day until I have the baby.”

“Just listen to me for once, Sam.” He complained. I groaned and Freddie and Spencer walked out of the room. I looked around. Where were we going to put everything. The crib couldn’t be by the window.

“Can I give my opinion?” Mrs. Benson asked. I forgot she was in the room.

“Yeah?” I mumbled.

“If you put the crib over here,” she walked over to the dresser, “and the dresser here,” she walked back over to where the crib box was.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Then the light from the window isn’t shining on the baby when it’s sleeping. And you can put the rocking chair in that corner,” she pointed to the corner by the door, “and you can put the changing table by the dresser.” I looked around and tried to envision it. She made sense. Freddie walked back into the room with the changing table. Spencer followed.

“So we got it all figured out?” Freddie asked.

“Yeah. But I don’t want to do anything with it right now. Just set that down. I need food.” I complained. Freddie set the changing table next to the crib and we left the room.

“Call me if you need any help.” Freddie’s mom hugged him. Then she hugged me. It was weird; I wasn’t a hugging kind of person except with Freddie. And I definitely didn’t like his mom. Even if we were on speaking terms.

“We will.” He said. His mom left.

“We’re going to a movie. We’ll text you later.” Carly hugged me.

“Okay.” She walked over to Freddie and then looked at me. I laughed. She hugged him and Spencer hugged me. Then they left.

“I want pizza.” I said. Freddie picked up the phone and walked away. I walked back into the baby room and looked around. I felt flutters in my stomach and looked down, putting my hand on my stomach.

“What’s up?” Freddie was behind me. He put his arms around me.

“Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Can you believe in 26 weeks we’re going to have a baby?”

“I know. It’s crazy.” He kissed my cheek.

“You want to start?” he asked. I shook my head.

“I want to eat first.”

“And eat we shall, when it gets here.” I felt more flutters and put my hand back on my stomach.

“What’s wrong?” Freddie asked.

“My stomach just feels weird.”

“Do you feel sick?” he turned me around.

“No. It’s different.”

“That’s weird.” He mumbled.

“I know.” I looked down at my stomach.

X

Freddie and I were sitting in the baby’s room eating pizza. There was something comforting about this room.

“Can you just see yourself in here?” Freddie asked me. I nodded.

“Can you just hear the screaming at 2 in the morning?” I said sarcastically. Freddie shook his head.

“Sam, Sam, Sam.”

“Fredward.” He kissed me.

“Mmm I love when you do that.” I moved closer to him and kissed him. He put his arms around me and pulled me even closer and kept kissing me. I broke away from him for a minute.

“I love you.” I mumbled.

“I love you, too.” He murmured and we started kissing again.


	26. Chapter 26

I woke up in our bed, but I didn’t remember falling asleep there. I looked over and Freddie was gone. I rolled out of bed and walked into the kitchen, turning on the light.

_I couldn’t let you sleep on the floor in the baby room, so I moved you. I’ll see you at 6:00 tonight when I get home from work. I love you Mrs. Samantha Benson. Forever._

_Love,_

_Freddie._

Damn his 12 hour days. I yawned and walked to the fridge, pulling out a bagel. Bagels were my new favorite food. Cassie loved them. I sat at the counter and ate slowly. I would have twelve hours to myself, but I had nothing to do. I had enjoyed having him at home with me, but he had missed being at work. Once a dork, always a dork. I walked back into our room and picked up my phone.

_Are you busy? I miss you._

It was unlikely he was going to answer. Right now they were probably shooting the news. I walked back into the livingroom and turned on the television. I never liked the news, but watching it made me feel close to Freddie. He loved doing it, so I watched it.

 _I’m not behind the camera today. What’s up?_ I smiled.

 _I don’t have anything to do today. I think I might set up the baby’s room._ I turned the T.V. off and stood up. I didn’t really want to watch the news. The only time I did was when Freddie was shooting it. I walked into the baby’s room and looked around.

 _What do you mean?_ I wanted to get everything set up before Freddie got home.

_Don’t worry about it. Have fun at work. I love you._

I took a deep breath, kneeled, and opened the box for the crib. There was no way I was going to be able to put it together myself. I opened a new text to Carly.

_Carly. Crib. Wanna help?_

Freddie texted me back.

_Don’t do anything stupid, Sam. I love you, too. I might stop by on my break. I miss you._

I stood back up and decided to move around the few things I could move. I moved the rocking chair to one corner, stepped back and looked at it. It didn’t look right. I wanted it to be out in the open where the sun could shine. Where I could hold my baby and rock her and sing to her. I looked around the room for a while. I moved the rocking chair to a different corner and stepped back again. My phone went off.

_Sure. Be over soon._

I sat down in the rocking chair and looked around the room. The whole room could be seen from the rocking chair and that’s the way I wanted it. I closed my eyes and imagined holding my baby. It was going to be an amazing feeling having her in my arms. I felt another flutter in my stomach. It wasn’t a comfortable feeling, it was weird. I put my hand on my stomach and they stopped.

“Knock, knock.” I opened my eyes and saw Carly standing in the doorway.

“Hey, how did you get in?” I asked standing up.

“Freddie must have left the door unlocked when he left this morning.” She walked into the room and approached the crib.

“You ready for this?” I asked her. She nodded and we started pulling things out of the box. We stared at everything on the floor for a while and then looked at each other.

“This is impossible.” I started.

“Well, look to see if there are instructions.” I looked in the box and pulled a book out. It really was impossible. I groaned and Carly sighed.

“Well, let’s just try to follow the pictures.” Carly and I started flipping through the book and trying to put the pieces together. We sat for an hour trying to figure it out before Carly threw the book on the floor.

“This is impossible!” she yelled.

“I know! So complicated for a baby jail cell!” I yelled back. We both layed back and stared at the ceiling.

“I never want to have children.” Carly grumbled.

“Me either.” I groaned.

“Too late.” She laughed. I sighed. I guess I was going to have to recruit Freddie and Spencer for the baby crib building.

“I can’t believe how hard this is! The baby isn’t even here yet and I already can’t figure anything out.” I complained. Carly laughed.

“I’m sure it gets better.” She explained. I stared at the white around me. This room needed to be painted. Bad.

“What are you guys doing?” I looked over to see Freddie standing in the doorway. I guess he really was coming on his break.

“We can’t figure it out,” I groaned. He laughed.

“Never send a woman to do a man’s job.” He said. I stood up.

“I bet you couldn’t figure it out either, Freddie.” I fumed

“You sure you wanna make that bet?” he chuckled.

“Hell yeah I’ll make that bet. We tried everything.”

“Did you try reading the instructions?” I looked at Carly on the floor.

“No, we just looked at the pictures.” She mumbled.

“And this is what I mean,” Freddie walked into the room and picked up the book, “they write out the instructions for a reason.”

“But we don’t even know what half of those things are.” Carly groaned.

“Sam, why didn’t you just wait until I got home from work?” he started picking up pieces of the crib and occasionally looked down at the book.

“Because I was bored,” I sat in the chair and watched him, “besides I wanted to put it together myself. And you’re always tired when you get home.” Carly sat up on the floor.

“Techy boy knows about crib building?” she looked at me.

“I’m not just a techy, Carly, I do other things too.”

“Ha! Like what?” I laughed. Freddie turned to me and smirked.

“You wanna get into this with Carly in the room?” he asked. I laughed again.

“Indeed.”

“Ew. No. Don’t.” Carly buried her face in her hands. Freddie stood up and walked over to the chair. He pulled me up.

“Do you have to work? Can’t you just quit your job and stay here with me?” Freddie laughed.

“I like working.”

“I hate when you’re working.”

“Well I have to work so we can live how we are. And so the baby has everything it wants and needs.”

“Work is stupid.” I mumbled. He hugged me.

“Only to you, which is why I don’t want you to work. Hard enough keeping up with your mood swings without putting something in that provokes them.” I glared at him.

“I’m kidding. Relax. Why don’t you read a book or something? Stop messing with things in here. Let me handle it.”

“I don’t read.”

“Well, you have to find something to do until I get done. I can’t text you all day. My boss is up my ass today and besides I’m behind the camera at 5:00.”

“Maybe I should get a job.” Freddie shook his head.

“No. You just stay here and take care of yourself and the baby. We’re fine as long as I’m working.”

“But this is stupid. I never have anything to do. I don’t feel like going out anywhere and a person can only clean so much.”

“Just relax. Watch some movies. I don’t know. I gotta go, though. I’ll see you at six.” He kissed me and walked out of the room. Carly was still sitting on the floor.

“You can come hang out with me and Spencer.” She suggested. I stood up.

“Better than sitting around here all day.” I helped her off the floor and we left to Spencer’s apartment.

X

The time on the clock was ticking slowly. It was only fifteen minutes until Freddie got done and twenty-five before he was home. The news was boring. Even though Freddie was behind the camera I couldn’t stand watching it. There was never anything good on the news. It was always bad. I was tempted to text his phone to see if he had turned it on silent, but I didn’t want him to get in trouble if he hadn’t. I turned the news off. I rested on the back of the couch and closed my eyes. I had been doing a lot of thinking lately and I didn’t know if it was good or bad. What would I do if it was Brad’s baby? Would I be able to look at her knowing what she was a product of? Would I be able to continue with this ‘we’re a family’ thing knowing we were just a broken couple with a recreation of a guilty night? Who would she be? Was she a she?

I was always thinking and asking myself stupid questions. It would never matter to me whose baby it was as long as she was mine. I carried her, I gave birth to her and I would love her no matter what. This was my child. My angel. My blessing in disguise. I was feeling tired, as usual, and I prayed for something to go right. I pictured Cassie’s face. A perfect combination of me and Freddie.

With her face in my head I drifted off to sleep.


	27. Chapter 27

Today was the day and the roles were reversed. I was the one awake and ready to go and Freddie was still in bed. I kept shaking Freddie. I wanted to know. Now.

“Freddie! Get up! Let’s go!” he ignored me.

“Go in the livingroom and bother the T.V. or something.” He complained. I shook him again.

“No. You’re the one who wanted to make these appointments so early. Besides, you can sleep when we get home.”

“Sam, your appointment isn’t for another hour.” He mumbled.

“So? You always want to get there early.” I shook him again. He sat up and grabbed me.

“Quit.” He demanded. I laughed.

“Come on.” I dragged.

“You’re not supposed to be awake. You’re never awake this early.”

“But I’m excited! I want to prove that I was right the whole time!” Freddie sighed and shook his head.

“Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go!” Freddie rolled his eyes and let go of me.

“Sam, we don’t even know if we’ll be able to find out today,” He got out of bed and walked into the kitchen, “did you eat?”

“Yes, Fredward. Come on! Maybe if we get there sooner they’ll let us go in sooner.” I tugged on his arm. He groaned.

“No. They won’t. Quit doing that, Sam,” he was killing my mood, “I’m going to take a shower.” He walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I didn’t get how I could be so excited and he could be so….nothing.

I sat on the couch and stared at the wall. It was weird that I wasn’t tired. I was always tired.

“Freddie!” I yelled. I could just picture him rolling his eyes in the shower.

“Be quiet, Sam!” he yelled back.

“Freddie! I’m going to Carly’s!” I shouted. I snickered to myself.

“Carly’s not awake!” he hollered. I groaned. There was no fooling Freddie. I got up and walked into the baby room. The pieces of the crib were still sitting on the floor. Freddie and Spencer had to get together to put it together. The sun was just coming up and it was shining right on the rocking chair. I was so excited to find out what this baby was. We could paint the room and go shopping and decorate. I wanted to get letters to hang above the crib. It was going to be perfect, just like her. Or him. I put my hand on my stomach.

“You’re going to be the most spoiled baby in the world.” I said. I felt more flutters in my stomach. I hated that feeling.

“Having fun?” I turned around and Freddie was standing in the door.

“I’ll have more fun when we know what it is and we can play around with this room and make it hers.”

“Or his.”

“Yes, Freddie. Or his.” Freddie walked over to me and looked where I was looking.

“Once we get the crib put together we can organize this however you want.” He smiled.

“Sounds like a plan.” It was weird to think that in 5 months the baby would be out of me.

“Ready to go?”

“Been ready.” I walked to the door and walked out.

“Sam, relax. I have to stop and put gas in the car first.”

“Can’t you do that after?” I whined.

“No, we have a lot of time until we have to be there.” He took my hand.

“How are you not excited?” I was so ready to know that I could run to the doctor’s office.

“I am. But you’re anxious because you want to hear it’s a girl. I don’t care what it is. You do.”

“No I don’t. Well, I do. But I just want my baby. I want to know what it is so I can spoil the hell out of it.” Freddie unlocked the car and I climbed in.

“Ugh, and this belly is killing me. I can’t believe this. I’m only 4 months pregnant and look at me!”

“You look great, babe. You worry too much.” He smiled and started the car.

“This is so crazy! I can’t believe the day has already come!” I was practically jumping in my seat.

“Sam, don’t get your hopes up. Remember what they said? Usually. Sometimes the baby is being stubborn.”

“Well she better not be stubborn today.” I put my hand on my stomach again and looked down. Freddie drove silently.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. He shook his head.

“Nothing.” He smiled.

“Well why are you so quiet?” I stared at him.

“Because. I love watching you. I finally found your weakness. Babies. Well, at least ones you make.” He chuckled.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I didn’t understand Freddie sometimes. He was so random.

“Relax, Sam. All I mean is that I’m not used to seeing you all…well…girly. You’ve never acted this way before. Even when you tried you never acted this way. Seeing you in the baby room yesterday was awesome. You’re so in love with the baby and it’s not even born yet. And I LOVE watching you talk to it. Sam, you’re going to be a great mother.”

“You have to say that. You’re married to me.”

“Yeah, maybe. But I mean it.” He looked over at me and smiled.

“I’m so excited!” I screamed.

“Okay, ow. Relax, Sam.” We had pulled up to the gas station and I grabbed his arm and shook him.

“Hurry up!” he shook his head and got out of the car. I looked around. Sometimes I wondered what people thought about me, but it didn’t bother me. I had never cared what people thought about me. They could stare at me all they wanted and think what they wanted. I had my baby and Freddie and I didn’t need them. Freddie got back in the car and started it up again. We were on our way.

X

We were sitting in the waiting room. Every minute felt like an eternity. I was tapping my foot anxiously.

“Sam, stop that. It’s annoying.” Freddie snapped.

“Aaaugghhh! I can’t help it! I’m so nervous!” I groaned.

“You’re going to be really happy to know, Sam. Don’t be nervous.” He put his hand on my knee.

“When are they gonna let us go in?” I complained.

“I told you getting here early wouldn’t do anything for us.”

“You’re the one that always wants to be early for everything.”

“You wanted to come here an hour early!” he took my hand.

“Sam? Freddie? Are we ready?” I jumped out of the chair and dragged Freddie to the nurse.

“Someone’s excited.” The nurse smiled.

“Well, we bought a bunch of stuff for the baby room but we didn’t get any clothes or anything because she wanted to wait until we know what it is.” Freddie rambled. The nurse laughed and we walked back over to the scale.

“Can we just do this later?” I scoffed. Freddie folded his arms and rolled his eyes.

“Sorry, Sam. We have to do all this stuff like a regular doctor visit. Then we can go see your baby.” I groaned and rolled my eyes, but got on the scale anyway. I hated waiting.

“Okay,” she handed me a cup.

“Again?”

“Every time, Sam. We have to keep track.” I groaned again and took the cup, mumbling under my breath.

“She’s anxious. She’s been up since 5:45 this morning.” Freddie said. I walked away to the bathroom. Freddie was laughing when I came back and gave her the cup.

“Can we hurry up? I wanna see her.”

“Or him.”

“Shut up, Freddie.” I glared.

“Alright, let’s go into this room. I’ll go as quickly as possible.” I jumped up on the table and she put the blood pressure cuff on my arm.

“So what kind of things are you planning on doing in the room?” she asked as she started pumping the ball on the end.

“I want to put their name on the wall.”

“And paint the room.”

“And buy stuff.” She released the cuff and took it off my arm.

“Sounds like fun, you wanna lay back for me?” she asked. I slowly laid on the table.

“Why?”

“We’re going to measure your growth.” She informed me.

“My what?” I asked.

“I’m just going to see how big your belly has grown to make sure the baby is growing the way it should be. You want to lift your shirt up for me?” I rolled my eyes and did as she asked. She used a tape measure, not the big bulky one, the string looking one, and put it on my stomach. I didn’t understand what the point of all this was. She wrote something on her clipboard and then picked up the Doppler on the table. I smiled and she put it on my stomach. My baby’s heartbeat.

“Are you ready to know, Sam?” she asked. I sat up and pulled my shirt back down.

“Hell yes. I’ve been waiting for this for too long! Let’s roll!” I jumped off the table and Freddie jumped out of his chair.

“Stop doing that!” he whined. I laughed and the nurse led us back to Amy.

“Hey Sam. Hey Freddie. You ready?” she asked. It was really annoying to be asked that a million times.

“Yes, yes, yes. Can we just do this?” I jumped on the table and layed back, pulling my shirt up again. Freddie sat next to me and took my hand.

“Oh my God, Freddie, this is crazy!” I squeezed his hand.

“Relax, babe.” Amy put the ultrasound gel on my stomach just like the last time and picked up the transducer.

“So did you guys pick out names?” Amy asked. She put the transducer on my stomach and started moving it around and taking pictures.

“Yeah. Cassie Julianne for a girl and Micah James for a boy.” She clicked on her keyboard thing again. Freddie and I looked at the screen.

“Oh my God.” I whispered.

“Amazing, huh?” Amy asked. I nodded.

“What is it?”

“I’m not sure. The baby has it’s legs crossed.” I tapped my belly.

“Sam!” Freddie yelled.

“Move them little legs, baby!”

“Stop abusing your stomach.” Freddie lectured. Amy looked at us funny again.

“You two are a funny couple.” She looked back at the screen and Freddie and I could see the baby moving around.

“Oh, looks like the baby is going to listen to you, Sam.” I squeezed Freddie’s hand again. It felt like forever until Amy spoke again.

“Looks like you’re going to want to buy some dresses. It’s a little girl.” I stared at the screen where Amy had typed “girl.” I felt like crying. Never in my life have I wanted to cry when I was happy, but there was something about her. Something about knowing she was mine. I just wanted to lay on that table and stare at her all day.

“Sam?” I could barely hear anything. I was so lost in the moment looking at Cassie. I always knew it was a girl. I could sense it.

“Huh?”

“Are you ready to go?” Freddie asked.

“No.” I stared at the screen some more.

“Sam, she took pictures for us. Let’s go. Carly wants to go shopping.”

“No, I just want to stare at her all day.” Freddie kissed my cheek.

“You can look at the pictures all day if you want to, baby, but right now we have to go. Amy has other appointments today and remember you promised to tell Carly right away?” Amy moved the transducer and the picture disappeared. She started cleaning the gel off of my stomach and Freddie pulled me up.

“I’m sorry, she’s just been really anxious.” Freddie apologized. Amy laughed.

“No, it’s no problem. I’m used to it. When mother’s find out what they’re having they always want to stare at it all day. Congratulations, guys.” Freddie pulled me off the table and I snatched the pictures from him.

“Why don’t you go out to the car, I’m going to set up your next appointment.” I nodded and he gave me the keys. I walked outside, unlocked the doors and got in the car. I stared at the pictures. All my dreams had come true. I had Freddie and now I had Cassie. I set the pictures down on my lap and opened a new text to Carly.

_Cassie Julianne Benson._

It was simple and to the point. I didn’t want to do anything today except for stare at her pictures. I put my hand on my belly and smiled.

“Cassie,” I whispered. I felt more flutters in my stomach. Freddie got in the car and turned to me.

“I can’t believe you were right all along.” He laughed.

“Mama knows things.” I smiled.

“I bet you don’t know where we’re going.” He hinted.

“Hopefully home.” I hoped. My phone rang.

_Oh my God! A girl?! CONGRATS!_

“Nope. You’ll see. You’re going to love it.” He put the car in gear and drove off.


	28. Chapter 28

Freddie pulled up on a side street and shut the car off.

“What part of this am I supposed to like?” I asked.

“Just wait, Sam. You’ll love it.” He got out of the car and I followed. He stood behind me and started tying something over my eyes.

“What the hell are you doing?” I tried turning around but he stopped me.

“I don’t want you to see where we’re going before we get there.” He announced. I groaned.

“I’m going to run into people.” I whined. Freddie laughed.

“No you won’t. They’ll move. Besides I’ll be guiding you.” He encouraged.

“Why can’t you just be normal and tell me where we’re going?”

“Have I ever done things the normal way?” he questioned.

“No. But I wish you would.”

“Oh stop complaining.” He finished tying the blindfold around my eyes and then started pushing me forward. I hated being blind, I preferred to know where I was going and who was around me.

“This is so stupid!” I groaned.

“Do you want to smile today or just be crabby?”

“I want to sleep. And eat. I’m so hungry!”

“You’re always hungry.”

“I’m pregnant.”

“You were always hungry before you got pregnant.”

“Are we almost to wherever you’re pushing me off to?”

“Relax, just a few minutes.”

“How many people are staring at us?”

“Since when do you care?”

“Since never. I’m just curious.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“They probably all think you’re an idiot.”

“Stop insulting me or we’re not going.”

“Is that a threat?”

“I should have put it over your mouth.”

“I still could have talked.”

Freddie stopped me and took the blindfold off.

“Look over there.” He pointed towards the Seattle sky needle. I looked over at it. It was supposed to be an amazing view.

“Yeah? What about it?”

“That’s where we’re going.” I laughed.

“Are you serious?”

“Very. Come on.” He took my hand and started walking towards the sky needle. The entire time I’ve lived in Seattle I’ve never gone to the sky needle. Secretly I always wanted to, but Freddie was good at guessing secrets.

“What is this all about? Why did you bring me here?” he was up to something.

“Because today we went to find out the sex of the baby. And even if we hadn’t been able to find out I know you’ve always wanted to go here. I used to read your diary—“

“I’ve never had a diary.”

“You did when you were 10.”

“Seriously? 10?”

“Yes. When you were 10 you had a diary. You wrote all kinds of weird things in there. I stole it from your house.”

“And that would be why I don’t remember having a diary.”

“It’s sitting at the apartment.”

“You kept my diary? You’re so weird!”

“Let’s go.” We walked in and I looked around.

“This is so crazy.” I whispered. He smiled.

“I know.” We walked over to an elevator and waited. The space needle was a huge attraction in Seattle, and everyone always wanted to see everything Seattle had to offer.

“How can we afford this with a baby coming?” I asked. Freddie laughed.

“Are you kidding? When haven’t I been able to afford something for you?”

“When we were 15.” I laughed. He smiled at me.

“That doesn’t count.”

“Freddie, I can’t believe we’re in the Seattle space needle!”

“Was it worth wearing the blindfold?” he asked. I shook my head.

“No. But I love this.”

“Good.” We got on the elevator and he kissed me.

“You’re still number one to me, Sam. At least until the baby gets here.”

“I love you, too, Benson.” It was weird being an elevator packed with people and feeling like it was just me and Freddie. A lady turned to me.

“So when are you having the baby?” I stared at her.

“Is that a fat joke?” I asked. Freddie rolled his eyes.

“Sam, play nice,” he warned, “beginning of May.” He answered the lady.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just; I haven’t met too many young moms since I’ve moved here. I just had a little boy. Isaac.”

“Where is he?” I asked, looking around.

“He’s at home with my mom. I’m supposed to be meeting my brother at the restaurant in here. I’m Aliah.” She held her hand out and I stared at it.

“I’m Freddie. This is Sam, my wife.” I nodded at her.

“Do you guys know what you’re having?” she asked. She really was nosey.

“Yeah. A baby.” I answered.

“Just ignore her. She’s not a social person.” He squeezed my hand and I looked at him.

“What?” I snapped under my breath.

“Stop being rude.” He growled.

“She’s all in our business where she doesn’t belong. Sorry if I’m not miss Mary sunshine.” I whispered.

“Just stop. You need to make more friends, especially mom friends.”

“Fine.” I looked back at her and the elevator stopped. I dragged Freddie off.

“Don’t ruin this day, Sam. This is supposed to be special.”

“It is, babe. I don’t know. I just don’t like nosey people.” He kissed me again.

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s just have a good time.” We walked over to this hostess standing at a podium.

“Last name?” she asked.

“Benson.” Freddie answered. She smiled.

“We’ve been looking forward to seeing you. Congratulations on the baby. Right this way.” She led us over to a table right next to the window. I stared outside and looked around. Seattle was better looking from up here.

“It’s like it goes on forever.” I whispered.

“And I’ll love you forever. Until the world stops turning and the sun stops shining.” I looked at him.

“I don’t think you could come up with more ridiculous lines.” I laughed.

“No, I could. Trust me.” I sat down and he followed my lead.

“Babe. This is insane. We didn’t have to come here.” I folded my hands on the table and he took them in his.

“I wanted to bring you here. I want you to experience all kinds of things before Cassie is born. Whatever you want to do tell me. Once she’s born we won’t have time to do anything. And you probably won’t want to bring her out for a long time.”

“I won’t care. It will be worth giving up everything just to hold her.” I looked at my stomach.

“Sam. Remember when I said I wanted that paternity test?” I looked back up at Freddie.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t need it. I don’t care. In fact, I’d like to just forget there’s even a possibility and call her mine without the question in my head.”

“I think I need it.” I whispered.

“Well, whatever you want. I’ll go along with whatever you want. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to just to try to prove something to me. As long as I’m helping you through the pregnancy she’s mine…or ours rather. Just me, you and her.”

“I have to know, Freddie. It’s killing me. I wish she’d just come out already with her perfect little face and her perfect little fingers and her perfect little toes and look just like you.”

“She’ll probably look just like you, Sam.”

“God could only hope.” I joked.

“You are totally insane.” He shook his head. A lady walked over with a tray full of food. Neither of us had ordered anything, but Freddie just moved his arms and watched her. He had had this planned for a long time. The lady walked away and I stared at all the food.

“I’m insane?” I asked.

“Yes. Completely and totally.”

“Freddie, how are we going to buy anything for Cassie if you’re spending all your money here?”

“Sam. Really? I’ve had this planned for months. It just turned out perfectly that you got pregnant and happened to find out the sex of the baby. I’ve been putting away money for this.” The food was amazing, but I didn’t need to think about how much this all would cost.

“How did I not know about this?” I questioned.

“You don’t handle anything when it comes to money. I do all the budgeting. All you do is spend it.” He laughed.

“Ha! I tried to help, remember? You told me to go away.”

“Because the last time you tried to help me we ended up $3,000 over budget. I have no idea where you put that money, but I’d rather not have a scare like that again.” I laughed.

“I remember that. Good times.”

“That was not a good time. It took me three days to figure out the real budget.”

“Techy dude, you could have put it on your computer and figured it out instead of on paper.”

“Just eat ms. I’m hungry.”

“I am hungry. All the time. Cassie takes everything I eat.”

“Well we know she has your appetite then.”

“Stop calling me fat.”

“Sam, nobody is calling you fat. Especially not me. Your mood swings are starting to kill me.”

“I just feel so huge. I don’t know how I’m going to make it to 40 weeks. I feel like a giant pig. All I do is eat and sleep and eat and sleep. I never want to do anything else.”

“You’ll be fine. No matter how bad you think you look you will always look like Sam Benson to me.”

“Well, duh. I’m still going to look like me. Just a giant, blown up version of me.”

“You know what I mean, Sam.”

“I know what you mean.” I mumbled.

“We can go get the letters tomorrow when I get home from work. Maybe you and Carly can go shopping for clothes while I’m gone.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Everything in this restaurant was ridiculously good.

“So what do you think?” he asked.

“This is amazing. Thank you.” He stared at me.

“Did you just thank me for something?” he asked.

“Yes? Why?”

“You never say thank you.”

“Yes I do. Just not like that.” I smiled. The lady walked back over to us.

“How is everything for you both?” she asked.

“I think we’re ready to go,” Freddie smiled at me and I laughed. My hint hadn’t gone unnoticed. She handed him a fancy book looking thing. I looked back out the window. This was a sight I never wanted to forget. Freddie was soon standing behind me and looking out the window.

“If you ever question my love for you just remember this view.” I stood up and hugged him.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. Let’s get out of here.”


	29. Chapter 29

I woke up when Freddie got out of bed. He stopped for a second and looked at me.

“Go back to sleep, babe.” He whispered. I hated these mornings. He would get up, take a shower and get dressed silently. I wouldn’t wake up until after he was gone and I wouldn’t see him until he got done with work at 6:00 at night. Unless he came home for his break, which was rare. I sat up.

“I can’t sleep.” It was the truth. I had been up all night because I kept feeling the flutters. I hadn’t told Freddie about them, but I’m sure he was starting to get suspicious.

“Why? What’s wrong?” he walked back over and sat on the bed.

“Just can’t sleep.” He rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, right, Sam. Tell me what’s really going on. Not thinking about Brad again are you?” I shook my head.

“No.”

“Then what is it?”

“If I knew I would tell you.” I snapped. The lack of sleep was getting to me.

“Do you want me to stay home and bring you back to the doctor?”

“Nooo I don’t need to go back to the stupid doctor. I just need to sleep.” I whined.

“Then sleep?” he suggested. I groaned and fell back on the bed.

“If I could sleep then I would!” he stood up.

“I’m calling the doctor.”

“Freddie. Don’t.” I rolled my eyes.

“Then tell me what’s going on.”

“Oh my God. You’re making me so mad. I don’t know what’s going on. It’s not like I’ve ever been pregnant before.”

“Well try.”

“Aaaauuuugggghhhhh! I hate you!” I groaned.

“You do not hate me.”

“Yes I do. This is your fault. I think.”

“I can’t wait for you to have that baby so you can go back to normal.” He complained.

“I am normal.”

“Sam, what the hell is going on?”

“I. Don’t. KNOW!”

“God. Fine. Sit around all day and feel sorry for yourself. I’m going to take a shower before I’m late.” He walked away and I stared at the ceiling. I felt the flutters again and put my hand on my stomach.

“What are you doing to me, Cassie?” It took a minute for me to put the pieces together.

“Freddie!” he walked out of the bathroom looking annoyed.

“What?” he snapped.

“I think she’s moving around.” His face went from annoyed to confused.

“How could she be moving around? You’re only four months along.”

“I don’t know. That’s why I called you out here. Get on your computer and look it up.”

“Or I could call the doctor.”

“Or you could just listen to me!”

“Shut up, Sam.” He walked away. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore Cassie. I tapped my stomach again.

“Quit, Cassie. Let mommy sleep.” The flutters got worse. She had my attitude too.

“Augh!! Freddie!” I yelled.

“What? I’m on the phone!” he hollered back.

“Make it stop so I can sleep!”

“Just wait, Sam!” I couldn’t hear what he was doing, not that I cared. Today I was just in a bad mood. He walked into our room and sat on the bed again.

“Well, the doctor said in some cases you can start feeling the baby move as early as 14 weeks and once you start to feel her move she’s probably going to move every day.” I groaned.

“Apparently I don’t have to wait until she’s born to lose sleep.” Freddie layed on his side next to me and put his hand on my stomach. The flutters stopped.

“Babe, do you want me to stay home with you?”

“No. If you want to go to work you should go. You can’t stay home every day for the next five months.” I put my hands on my face.

“Are you sure?” he asked me. I nodded.

“Yeah. I’ll call Carly. She’s wanted to go shopping. Maybe if I walk around she’ll stop moving.”

“I hate to leave you here when you haven’t slept, Sam. Maybe I should just stay here.”

“Just go, Freddie.” He sighed and stood up. He walked away, pulling his phone out of his pocket. The flutters came back, but they felt different this time. Clearly Cassie had a preference for Freddie.  I looked at my phone. It was 5:20 in the morning. I had slept a total of two hours the whole night. Freddie walked back into the room, set his phone on the nightstand and layed next to me again.

“You’re going to be late.” I mumbled. He shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m not going anywhere until you get some sleep.” He whispered and put his hand on my stomach again. The flutters stopped.

“She likes you.” I whispered and looked at him. He smiled and moved closer to me.

“Just go to sleep, sweetheart.” He said. I shook my head and kissed him. He smiled.

“Sam…” he started.

“Hush.” I kissed him again.

“Stop, Sam. Go to sleep.”

“You said you weren’t going anywhere as long as I was awake.”

“I’m not.”

“Exactly. So as long as I stay awake you’ll stay here.”

“Sam, I’m not going anywhere. Go to sleep.”

“I’d rather not.” I kissed him again.

“Babe,” he groaned, “I didn’t call in to work so you could seduce me.”

“Are you expecting your boss to stop over here?” I asked.

“No. Why?”

“Then there’s no problem.” I kissed him again. He laughed.

“You’re so crazy, Sam.”

“But you love me.” I smiled and moved closer to him.

“Yes, I do.”

“And I love you.” I said.

“I hope so.” He joked.

“And I love having sex with you. So stop arguing.” Freddie exploded with laughter and I kissed him.

“Sam, if you aren’t going to sleep then at least get up and eat.” He got up.

“I hate when you do that.” I groaned and stood up. Freddie hugged me.

“Good morning.” He smiled and kissed the top of my head.

“Good morning.” I mumbled. He chortled. I walked into the kitchen and Freddie followed. I turned back around and put my arms around his neck.

“Don’t even try—“ I kissed him slowly.

“I don’t have to try.” I laughed.

“It’s just because you’re beautiful.”

“Or something like that.” I smiled and kissed him again. He put his hands on my waist and pushed me against the counter.

“I knew you couldn’t keep saying no.”

“Mmhmm.”

X

Carly and I were walking around the store. Every single girl outfit in the baby section had been picked through. I think Carly had actually thrown one of every one in the cart. We were standing by the crib sheets and decorative stuff and just staring.

“What kind of colors are you doing in the room?”

“Teal.”

“What?”

“Teal. You know, like a blue green kind of color?”

“Why? Why not pink?”

“Are you serious? I hate pink and besides we don’t want to be traditional. Everyone does pink.”

“Sam, look at this.” Carly picked up a teal diaper bag with buttons sewn on.

“We’re ordering a diaper bag off of one of those websites. It’s black and it’s going to have her name on it. And we’re going to look online for crib sheets. We want it to match.” We walked over to the diapers.

“Let’s just go ape shit on these things. But first we have to move all these clothes.” Carly and I started moving the clothes to the toddler seat.

“I think we’re going to need another cart.” Carly exhaled.

“No. We just have to move them for now. Once we get all the boxes of diapers in here we can put the clothes on top of the boxes.”

“Sam, you still have to get the bottles and all the toys you keep looking at and—“

“Yeah, we need another cart.” Carly laughed.

“I’ll go grab one. You just do your thing over here, Benson.” Carly walked away and I turned to the shelf. I was going to fill this cart with boxes of diapers.

“Sam?” I turned around.

“Oh, hey Greg.”

“Hey! I heard you were having a baby.”

“Yeah. A little girl. We’re naming her Cassie.”

“You and Brad?” my heart dropped and Cassie started moving around again.

“No. Me and Freddie. My husband. Who told you about Brad?” Hearing his name made me mad.

“Brad did. I heard you put him in prison.” I glared at him.

“He put himself there.” I snarled, turning back to the diapers.

“You really should write him. He misses you.”

“Who misses Sam?” I turned and saw Carly.

“Brad.” Greg answered.

“Don’t even talk about him. He’s a jerk. If you’re just going to remind Sam of all the crap he did to her you might as well leave.” I could see fire in Carly’s eyes. She was mad.

“Okay? Well I just thought you should know that he’s been writing some of his friends. I guess he’s trying to get someone to find you and Freddie. He wants revenge on you.” Greg stared at me. Carly shoved him. I put my hand on my stomach. Fear filled me. At any point I could run into one of Brad’s friends.

“Get lost, Greg.” She pushed him again.

“Easy little lady. I was just trying to warn her.”

“Well quit.” She pushed him a third time and Greg turned and walked away. She turned back to me and hugged me.

“Don’t worry about it, Sam. Even Brad isn’t stupid enough to try to send someone out on you.”

“What if he is, Carly?” Every single fear I had had the past month and a half had come true. I thought Brad being in prison would have gotten rid of them.

“Greg’s stupid. You know that. He’s always trying to scare people. Let’s just stock these carts up. Let’s remember Cassie.” Cassie. My baby girl. My little angel who could be Brad’s.

“She’s not Brad’s baby, Sam. You were right about her being a girl so you have to be right about her being Freddie’s.” I sighed and wiped my eyes. I hadn’t even realized I was crying.

“Let’s just finish this and get out of here.” I said. Carly and I moved all of the clothes from one cart to the other and put the toddler seat up. We started piling boxes of diapers into the empty cart.

“Sam, how much money are you supposed to be spending?” Carly asked as we walked over to the baby bottles.

“Enough to fill her room, Freddie said.”

“Well, aren’t you going to have a baby shower?” she asked. I shrugged.

“Probably not.” She dropped the bottles she was holding and stared at me.

“Yes you are! You have to!” I rolled my eyes at her.

“No I don’t. They’re stupid. Besides I don’t need a whole bunch of girls I don’t know or don’t like sitting at my apartment pretending to like me.”

“Sam—“

“Don’t start, Carly. When you have a baby you can have a baby shower. I don’t want one.” I started throwing bottles in the cart on top of the clothes.

“But Sam—“ she whined.

“But nothing. Come on, I want to get out of here.” Carly started picking up the bottles off of the floor and throwing them in the cart. I grabbed a bunch of pacifiers and threw them on top of the bottles.

“Let’s go look at bibs.” Carly grabbed the diaper cart and I pushed the other.

“Did you think at 22 you’d be shopping for bibs?” she asked me.

“No. I never wanted to be a mom. But Freddie probably hoped for it.” We started throwing random bibs in the cart.

“I think you’ll be a great mom.” She mumbled. I smiled.

“Thanks, Carly. I just hope I’m better than my mom.”

“Sam, don’t even say that. You’re going to be way better than your mom. You already are.”

“You’re the best, Carls.” She smiled and threw more bibs in the cart.

“You ready to go?” she asked. I nodded.

“Let’s.” we walked over to the checkouts.

X

Carly and I walked into the apartment carrying bags. Freddie stared at us.

“Holy…you guys really went nuts.” He exaggerated.

“There’s way more down in the car.” I told him. He walked out the door and Carly and I dropped the bags on the floor and followed.

“Sam…” Freddie was looking in the car with his mouth hanging open.

“You told me to fill her room.”

“Nice work, Mrs. Benson.” Freddie started grabbing the boxes of diapers and Carly and I grabbed more of the bags. Going back and forth from the apartment to the car was less fun than I imagined it to be. It took us 30 minutes to carry everything upstairs and get it in the baby room.

“I’ll go text Spencer and we can put this crib together.” Freddie walked out of the room and Carly and I looked around.

“Ready?” I asked.

“Ready.” We started pulling the clothes out of the bags and sorting them. We put the pants and shorts in a pile, shirts in another, dresses in a third and all the onesie’s in a fourth pile.

“This is going to be insane.” I was digging through a bag and throwing clothes around.

“She’s going to be so spoiled.” Carly laughed.

“Going to be? She already is.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Hey, are we supposed to put any of this in the dresser yet or do they want us to wait until they move it?”

“Just wait,” Freddie had walked back into the room, “Sam, I never thought you would let Cassie wear dresses.”

“Yeah, well, Carly picked out the baby clothes.”

“Spencer’s on his way over here so you’re going to have to move this stuff over so we can work on this crib.” I gave Freddie a look.

“I’m not moving all of this.” I told him.

“You’re going to have to if you want to put anything away. We aren’t moving anything around in here until the crib is put together and it won’t be put together if you keep these clothes in the way.” He folded his arms. I felt the flutters in my stomach again.

“Cassie doesn’t like what you’re saying.” I laughed. Carly gave me a confused look.

“Cassie’s been moving around lately.” She jumped up.

“Oh my God!” she put her hand on my stomach and I laughed again.

“You can’t feel her yet, Carly. I can just feel her moving around in me.” Carly’s face dropped.

“Oh. That sucks!” she moved her hand and Freddie laughed.

“Come on, Sam. Let’s just move this quick so we can get stuff done in here.” He started picking up the piles and moving them over. It only took a few minutes, but I was annoyed from shopping. Spencer walked into the room.

“Okay Spencer the sculpture pro. Let’s see if we can put this thing together.” Freddie and Spencer kneeled next to the crib parts and started messing around. Carly pulled all the hangers we had out of Cassie’s closet and dropped them on the floor. I started putting her shirts and dresses on hangers and handing them to Carly.

“Hey, Carly? Can you do it by age group? Like newborn, 0-3, 3-6?” she nodded.

“Yeah. I was going to do that.” I continued to hand her hangers of clothes.

“I thought shopping for all this stuff was bad. Carly, what on earth were you thinking?” I complained.

“I was thinking that Cassie needs to have a lot of clothes.” I stared at everything sitting on the floor and looked over at Freddie and Spencer and laughed. They looked confused. I suddenly felt lucky to be in charge of clothing and not the crib.

“Let’s just finish this up so we can start organizing things in the kitchen to find a place for these stupid bottles.” Carly nodded and we continued to work.

X

It took Carly and me 20 minutes to hang up all the clothes in the closet and another 20 minutes to empty out a cupboard and stock it with bottles. We had just finished doing it when Freddie walked out and grabbed my hands, pulling me back into the baby room.

“And you thought I couldn’t do it.” He laughed. I had to give him credit, between him and Spencer they had gotten the crib put together in less than an hour.

“I always believed in you, babe.” I said sarcastically.

“Where do you want it?” he asked me. I pointed to the dresser.

“Over there. And I want the dresser under the window.” Spencer groaned and I smiled.

“Sorry, Spence. This room has to be perfect for her.” Freddie and Spencer walked over to the dresser and moved it over to the middle of the room. Carly and I stood in the room with our arms folded just watching them. I loved watching Freddie do anything, more often now than I did before. The moved over to the crib and picked it up, moving it against the wall. I walked over to Freddie as soon as he set it down and kissed him. He smiled.

“Not now, Sam. Carly and Spencer are here.” He whispered.

“So we can make them leave.” I hinted.

“Let’s finish Cassie’s room and then we can do whatever you want.”

“Um, hello! We’re still here!” we both looked over at Carly. She was such a buzzkill.

“We’re fully aware of that.” I pointed out. Freddie pulled me closer to him and kissed me just to spite her.

“Ha ha, you two are SOOO funny.” Carly said sarcastically.

“We know.” Freddie laughed. He let me go and walked back over to the dresser. Spencer followed and they turned it and set it against the wall right under the window.

“That’s perfect!” I screamed. They moved the changing table next to the dresser and looked at me.

“Everything you hoped for?” Spencer asked. I nodded.

“Now we just have to put the rest of her clothes away.” Carly and I walked over to the dresser and Freddie and Spencer walked over to the clothes. They started passing clothes to us and we folded them and put them away. Preparing for Cassie was already a chore, and we didn’t even have half the things we needed for her. We still had to find a place for all her diapers and get her bath stuff and her diaper rash cream and her baby powder. I always knew there was a reason I hadn’t wanted kids.

“Babe?” I turned and looked at Freddie.

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad we’re having this baby.” He smiled. Freddie had warmed me up to the idea of being a mother but Cassie had made me really want it.

“Me too,” I smiled back. We finished putting the clothes away and Carly helped me stand up. She hugged me.

“I had fun today, Sam. If you need any more help just call me.” I nodded.

“I will.” She hugged Freddie and left with Spencer.

“So, back to what we were doing earlier.” Freddie winked at me and I laughed.

“And what was that, Mr. Benson?”

“I think you already know.” He pulled me to him.

“I think you need to refresh my memory.” He pressed his lips to mine.

“No problem.”


	30. Chapter 30

7:00 P.M. That’s what the clock said. I had tried texting Freddie, who still wasn’t home from work, to find out where the hell he was but he never answered. It was starting to freak me out. He was never late, and he swore that if he ever was going to be late he would call or text me to tell me. I put my hand on my belly and looked at it.

“Where’s your daddy, Cass?” I felt the flutters in my stomach again. I had grown to love them. Every time she moved I fell more in love with her. I heard the door open and looked over. Freddie had the keys in his mouth and was carrying two things of paint into the apartment. I jumped off the couch and ran over to him. I took the keys out of his mouth.

“Where were you?” I asked.

“Buying paint? We’re going to paint the baby room.” Spencer and Carly walked up behind Freddie.

“We are?”

“Well. Carly, Spencer and I are going to paint the baby room. You’re going to sit outside the room where you aren’t going to be inhaling paint fumes and telling me what to do.” In 2 seconds I had gone from being worried and slightly annoyed to being full out mad. The whole time I was sitting and worrying about him he was off buying paint with Carly and Spencer.

“You never let me do anything! You get to go away 12 hours a day to go and work while I sit here and then you come home and tell me not to do this and not to do that and whatever!”

“Sam, what the hell was that all about?”

“YOU! I know you have to work and everything but I’ve been sitting here all day waiting for you to come home so I can spend the night with you and you’re off buying paint and planning all this stuff! You don’t answer your phone or tell me you’re going to do all this stuff and I’m just sitting here! And every time I want to help you with something you tell me to go away! She’s OUR baby, Freddie! We should be doing things together to get ready for her not separate! God!” I turned and walked away from him. I had no idea what was going on. I hated feeling like he was pushing me away. I knew he was just doing what he thought he should be doing.

“Sam,” I heard him call. I walked into our room and he followed me. Deep down it hurt. I wanted to be doing this with him. I wanted the two of us to go shopping for bottles and diapers and clothes and paint. I didn’t want everything to be Sam and Carly or Freddie and Spencer or Freddie and Carly and Spencer. I wanted it to be Sam and Freddie Benson. That’s it. Cassie was OUR baby. She was going to be the baby in our not-perfect-but-we-try family. I wiped my eyes. It would figure I would cry. Damn hormones.

“Aw, Sam. Don’t do that. I hate when you cry,” he hugged me, “what is going on?”

“I’m just sick of it. You tell me what to do, what not to do, what and when to eat, when to sleep. It’s so annoying. And you just go off and do things without me. We’re supposed to be doing this together, Freddie. It’s supposed to be me and you not me, you, Spencer and Carly. And I hate sitting here all day with nothing to do because I’m worried about you coming home and getting mad at me for something that I tried to do.”

“Sam—“

“And all you let me do is go shopping ALL THE TIME! And I HATE shopping! At least if I had to go shopping I’d like to go with my husband.”

“Sam, why would you let this drive you crazy before you said anything?”

“Because! I know you’re only doing what you think you should be doing.”

“But when things are bothering you—“

“It wasn’t even that big of a deal until today. I sat here for an hour and didn’t hear anything from you.”

“I know, babe. I’m sorry. My phone is dead. And I just went and picked up Spencer and Carly. They didn’t go paint shopping with me. And since I was going to be home in a few minutes anyway I didn’t even think to use one of their phones to call you.” He rubbed my back.

“It’s like all you want me to do is be pregnant.”

“No, babe. I just don’t want you or Cassie to get hurt. Obviously you can’t be carrying around dressers and I’d prefer you didn’t sit in a room that’s being painted because I have no idea if paint fumes would hurt Cassie. I’m not trying to exclude you. I just want to protect you. And Cassie. I would love to do all of this with just you. But let’s face it, you’re 17 weeks pregnant. Neither of us have done this before. It’s a learning process. I love you, Sam. I never wanted you to feel like this.”

“Freddie, the only thing we’ve done just the two of us for Cassie is go to doctors’ appointments.”

“Well tomorrow we can go shopping when I get home from work. And then we can get all the decoration things you want to put in her room and all the other things we need to get. And Saturday we can finish her room. Just us. Please stop crying.” He rested his chin on the top of my head and sighed. I was so over being pregnant. I couldn’t be myself if I wanted to.

“Hey babe?” Freddie asked.

“What?”

“Why don’t you want to have a baby shower?”

“What?”

“Carly said you told her you didn’t want to have a baby shower for Cassie.” I closed my eyes. Leave it to Carly.

“Yeah because baby showers are stupid.”

“They are not. There’s always a ton of food. There’s games and gifts—“

“And stupid girls I’m not friends with.”

“I knew it.” He backed away from me.

“Knew what? There’s nothing to know.”

“No. There’s a lot to know. Sam, you can’t keep worrying about people judging you. They don’t know what happened. We do.”

“I’m not. I don’t care what people think about me.”

“Yes you do. You know, you probably wouldn’t be nearly as moody and emotional as you are if you’d quit trying to convince people you’re fine.”

“I am fine. Mostly. Besides what we already talked about.”

“Sam.”

“Okay, fine. I’m just sick of everyone staring at me and whispering their stupid comments behind my back. It’s bad enough going out in public and having it happen. I don’t want a bunch of stupid girls here doing it.”

“Look, babe. I know it’s annoying. Just think about it. Carly really wants to throw you a baby shower but she doesn’t want to make you mad.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he kissed me, “I love you. Will you come hang out with us? You can bring a chair over by the door of the baby room and talk to us.”

“Can we have sex first?”

“Seriously?” he looked at me like I was kidding.

“Yeah, seriously.”

“Sam, you’re crazy as hell. One minute you’re crying and the next minute you’re horny.”

“Don’t get used to it. I’m sure once Cassie is born we’re not going to have sex for a long time.”

“Carly and Spencer are here.”

“So? You act like they’re just going to run in here.”

“Uh, they might if we don’t come back.”

“Not if we lock the door.” I laughed.

“Sam, why don’t you relax? We have all night to hang out.”

“Fine,” Freddie kissed me again, which didn’t help his argument, and we walked to the baby room. Spencer and Carly had moved all of the furniture out of the room and put plastic on the floor.

“Ready Freddie?” Sam asked. I laughed and sat against the wall in the hallway across from Cassie’s room.

“Yup.”

“Hi Sam.” She waved.

“Hey Carls.” She rolled up the sleeves of her shirt and grabbed a paint roller. Freddie started pouring paint into the paint tray. It only took a few minutes before they started covering the white with the perfect teal. I was suddenly feeling tired.

“You okay, Sam?” Freddie was looking at me.

“Yeah. Just tired.”

“You were wide awake five minutes ago.”

“I know.”

“Why don’t you go lay down?”

“Because I want to be here for this.”

“Okay? Babe if you fall asleep I’m bringing you to bed.”

“I’m not going to fall asleep.”

“Okay, Sam.” He turned back to the wall. I put my hands on my belly.

“Your daddy is crazy, Cassie.” I whispered.

“I heard that,” Freddie laughed, “it’s more like her mommy being crazy. I’ve seen that look before, Sam. You’ll be out in five minutes. It never fails.”

“I’ll prove you wrong.”

“Good luck.” Freddie said. I saw Carly laughing and looked around the room. It was going to be so nice when it was all painted and all the furniture was in the room and it was all decorated. I yawned.

“Sam, go lay down.” Freddie kept looking at me every few seconds. He was waiting.

“No.”

“You’re so stubborn.”

“So is your daughter.” I laughed.

“Just what we need. A miniature Sam.” Carly smiled.

“Hey, Sam’s a pretty cool chick.” Spencer spoke up. I yawned again and they all turned back around to paint. I layed on the floor. It was uncomfortable sitting up with the flutters.

I fell asleep ten minutes later, proving Freddie wrong.


	31. Chapter 31

I heard something bang on the floor and woke up. I looked at the clock. It was 7:30 at night. I had slept the entire day. My days and nights were all mixed up because Cassie always wanted to move around at night when I was trying to sleep. I hated it.

 I sat up in bed and looked out the door. The light was on the kitchen so I got out of bed and walked in there.

“Hey. I’m so sorry babe. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Freddie was on the floor picking up a pan. He must have dropped it on the floor.

“It’s no big deal. I’m sure Cassie would have started moving around soon anyway.” I yawned. Freddie stood up with the pan and set it on the counter. He kissed me.

“Why didn’t you wake me up when you got home?” I asked.

“Because I know Cassie keeps you up and you need to sleep. Don’t worry about it. I was fine. I was going to wake you up after I made some food but obviously I can’t hang on to anything today.” We both looked over at the pan on the counter.

“I’m not really hungry. I thought we were going to go shopping.”

“We are.”

“Well let’s go then.”

“Don’t you want to change?” I looked down. I was in a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. I shook my head.

“No. I’m comfortable.” I threw my hair up on top of my head.

“Whatever makes you happy.” He smiled and took my hand.

“Just being with you makes me happy.”

“Well I’m glad to hear that,” he laughed, “let’s go.” We walked to the door and went out to the car.

“What are we shopping for?” I asked him. He pulled out a list.

“Well we need to get her carseat, her stroller, her high chair, a bassinet, toys—“

“Okay. A lot of stuff.”

“Yeah, pretty much.” He started the car and drove off.

“The baby room looks great.” I mentioned. He glanced over at me.

“I’m glad you like it.” He smiled. Cassie started moving around again.

“Cassie likes it too.” I put my hand on my stomach.

“Well, I don’t really need her approval as much as I need yours.”

“You don’t need my approval. We just have to agree.”

“That’s what I mean babe.” He took my hand. The store was only a few blocks away but being with Freddie made the time stretch. I loved being with him. He parked the car and we stepped out. He took my hand again and we walked in together.

“You still look super tired, babe.”

“I am.”

“Well, we can make this quick.” We walked over to the baby department.

“No. Let’s take our time. More time with you.” I smiled over at him.

“I love it when you smile.” He said. We stopped in front of the strollers.

“Hey, Freddie.” We turned to see a girl we hadn’t talked to since high school approaching us. I had never talked to her, actually. I never liked her, not even now. Missy Adams.

“Hi?” Freddie responded. I rolled my eyes.

“What are you doing here?” she asked. The fact that she kept eyeing me up meant she knew exactly what we were doing here.

“Shopping? That’s generally what people come to the store for.” He started sarcastically. She stepped closer to him.

“I think it’s great that you’re sticking by Sam’s side even though she’s having Brad’s baby.” She put her hand on Freddie’s arm. I glared at her and Freddie gave me a warning look.

“Um, no,” he moved her hand from his arm, “I don’t know what everyone is saying but it’s NOT Brad’s baby. Why don’t you just leave us alone?”

“Oh. I just thought since Sam cheated on you and got pregnant that the baby would be Brad’s.” she looked right at me and smirked.

“Hey, are you deaf? Why don’t you back off?” I walked towards her.

“I wasn’t talking to you, Sam.” She sneered.

“Keep running your mouth, Missy, I’d love nothing more than to smash your face in in front of all these people.” Freddie put his hand on my shoulder.

“Sam, let’s just go.”

“Yeah, Sam. Why don’t you just go?” she folded her arms.

“Why don’t you just shut up?”

“Make me.” She glared.

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Hormones getting to you?” she laughed.

“No. Just a whore.”

“Whore? You’re one to judge on that one aren’t you?” Freddie sighed behind me and grabbed my arm.

“Come on, Sam. Just walk away.” I hadn’t been this mad since Carly kissed Freddie. I hadn’t wanted to hurt someone this bad since that night. No matter what I did I couldn’t ignore it. I ripped my arm away from Freddie.

“You don’t know anything that happened!” I screamed. She laughed again until I pushed her onto the ground.

“Sam!” I knew this would be a war. She wasn’t like Carly. She would fight back. She stood up and looked me up and down. Even pregnant I knew I could win.

“Sam, stop! This is ridiculous!” I stopped for a second and thought about Cassie. She was too important for this. I looked back at Freddie and Missy pushed me into a shelf. Everything stood still for a second. Only for a second, though, because I saw Carly come around the corner. She walked slowly. I felt Cassie move inside of me. She was safe. Freddie rushed over to me and Carly lunged at Missy. I had never seen Carly hit anybody as long as I had known her. It was impressive.

“Sam, are you okay?” Freddie was panicking.

“I’m fine.” My breathing was still heavy from the adrenaline.

“And Cassie?”

“She’s fine, too. I can feel her moving around. A lot. She wants to fight, too.” Freddie half laughed and then turned back to Carly and Missy. Spencer was trying to pull Carly up, but she was too mad. She was probably seeing black.

“Carly!” Freddie walked away from me and grabbed her. Missy stood up and walked off. I could see Carly’s chest raising and falling in a quick pattern. Her hair was all messed up and if I didn’t know her I would have probably pegged her for a pretty tough competitor. But I did know her, and she wouldn’t fight me. Even if she did she would lose. Spencer dragged her out of earshot and started lecturing her. Every few seconds she would glance over at me.

“Sam, you have to—“

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.” Freddie wrapped his arms around me.

“You’re going to be the death of me.” He mumbled. I probably would be.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered into his shirt. Someone tapped my shoulder and I turned around. Carly hugged me.

“Are you okay?” she backed away from me.

“I’m fine. What was all that? I didn’t know you could fight.”

“Yeah, well. Neither did I. It’s just disgusting, trying to hurt a pregnant person.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. Ever.” She warned. She hugged me again and walked off with Spencer. Freddie grabbed my hand again.

“Um, I think we need some shopping carts.” I looked at him. He laughed.

“Oh my God. You’re right.” We walked back to the front of the store. Cassie was moving around like crazy. It was starting to get uncomfortable. I put my hand on my stomach.

“Settle down, Cass.” Freddie looked at me.

“If she comes out and she’s exactly like you we’re giving her up for adoption.” He laughed. I smiled.

“Ha. Ha. Ha. Isn’t daddy just hysterical, Cassie?” I looked back down at my belly. We walked back to the baby department. The air felt heavy. It was like the fight spirits were invading. We stopped in front of the baby supplies.

“Oh my God. There’s so much stuff.” Freddie and I stared for a long time before we started just throwing things into the cart.

“What is half this stuff?” I asked. He shrugged.

“I don’t know, but it’s here, so she must need it.”

“Maybe we should call your mom.” I suggested.

“No! Do you want her to be normal?” I laughed.

“You just called YOURSELF weird!”

“I think overprotected would be the word.”

“Yeah your mom is kind of nuts.” Freddie chuckled.

“Yeah. Imagine that. My mom is crazy and overprotective and your mom is crazy and doesn’t give a shit.”

“But Cassie won’t be raised either way.” I put my hand on my stomach again. I loved knowing she was in there safe and warm and happy. Freddie smiled at me.

“Nope.” He threw more stuff in the cart. It was quiet for a while.

“Freddie—“ I hesitated.

“Don’t say it, Sam.” He said. I sighed.

“But we can’t just not talk about it, Freddie.”

“Yes, we can. It’s easy. Just pretend I don’t know about anything.”

“Come on. We both know that’s not going to work.”

“Why can’t you go back to hating having conversations?” I rolled my eyes.

“Fine. Whatever.” I started playing with stuff on the shelves. Freddie groaned.

“Sam, you know I HATE when you do that.” I turned around.

“Do what?”

“Act like it doesn’t bother you when it does.”

“Well what’s the point of telling you it bugs me when you still aren’t going to listen to me?” he sighed and took my hand.

“Okay. Why does this bother you so much? I thought we were just going to forget it and be a family. Just the three of us with no mention of the past.”

“I know it’s going to eat away at you if you look at her and she looks just like him. And I know that every time one of his friends or someone he knows comes up to us when we’re with her and says something about him you’re going to get annoyed.”

“Yeah, but I’ll get over it. My name will be on her birth certificate. She’ll have my last name until she gets married. Brad won’t be her father, I will. So it won’t even matter. I have her and I have you. He lost. That’s all I need to know about it. Besides, Sam, even the smallest chance she’s a product of us is all that matters. I think it bothers you a lot more than it bothers me.”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” We started walking around the baby department, stopping every few minutes to pick something up and put it in the cart.

“Sam. It’s not like Cassie is the only kid we’re ever going to have. And I don’t plan on going anywhere. I think it’s a lot easier for me to get over it because I know all about it and he’s in prison. Plus I don’t have your temper. I don’t know why you still feel guilty about it but you really shouldn’t.”

“Yeah.” I was looking at the wall letters I wanted to put in Cassie’s room. I loved them. My little girl was going to be the most spoiled baby in Seattle. Freddie leaned close to me.

“You overthink things.”

“Maybe.”

“Okay. I knew you didn’t really want to talk about this.”

“I did. But you’ve got it all figured out. No need to talk about it anymore.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I started putting the letters in the shopping cart and Freddie watched me.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing. I’ve just never seen anyone look as good pregnant as you do.” I rolled my eyes.

“You and your stupid lines.” I wanted to smile. He always had something to say that would bring my mood up, even if it was stupid.

“As long as they make you happy I’ll keep bringing them.” I laughed. Typical Freddie.

“Let’s go. I’m hungry.”

“NOW you’re hungry,” he chuckled.

“Yeah.”

“Alright, let’s go.”


	32. Chapter 32

We were very close to Christmas and lately I was always cold. Cassie made it hard to get dressed to go outside because she was getting so big. It seemed like every day I had to go buy new clothes, a new jacket or new something.

“Augh! When is she going to stop growing? I’m sick of having to go shopping all the time.”

“Sam, if you bought a jacket that was bigger on you then you wouldn’t have to buy a new one every week. She has to keep growing or she’s going to come out sick. Maybe you should let me buy your clothes and stuff. Then you won’t outgrow them every week.” Freddie had made bacon, toast and eggs. I hadn’t eaten bacon in months. Cassie was not a bacon person.

“Why do we have to live somewhere that gets cold? Why can’t we live somewhere like Africa or something?” today we had another doctor appointment. Freddie made it for 9:00 because he knew there was no way he was getting up early again after he had to work the day before and I didn’t wake up early period.

“Just eat. We have a lot to do today and no time to do it.” Freddie had switched with another techy dude at the news station and was working 11 AM to 11 PM tonight.

“Why did you switch? Why didn’t you just take the day off?” I complained.

“Because, Sam. I’ve already missed enough work. I don’t plan on taking another day off until Cassie is born.”

“I told you, you should let me work. Then you won’t have to work 12 hour days, five days a week and never be home.”

“Sam. You hate working. Everyone knows it.”

“Yeah but I’d rather you be home and spending time with me than working all the time.”

“You realize if you work and I’m working that we’re going to see each other less than we do now, right? We won’t have the same schedule. Besides, I like working like I do. It’s nice. All I ever wanted in a career.”

“You’re weird.” But he could cook.

“I know. You tell me every day. Come on, let’s get ready to go.” He took my plate and I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Cassie started moving around and I groaned.

“You are truly an active one, aren’t you?” I looked at my belly.

“Sam! Where did you put the keys?” Freddie yelled.

“Where I always put them!” I shouted back.

“They aren’t there!” he sounded annoyed. I threw my toothbrush into the holder and walked out to the livingroom. I walked right over to the hooks on the wall and grabbed them, throwing them at Freddie.

“That was hard.” I said sarcastically.

“Let’s go,” he rolled his eyes and we walked out the door.

X

“Augh!” I groaned. Freddie looked at me.

“What now, Sam?”

“I’m so tired! She never stops moving. She sucks up all my energy moving around.”

“You only have 20 weeks to go, babe. Then you’ll probably be wishing she was back in your belly.”

“I can’t believe I’m already halfway through this pregnancy.”

“Me either.” I put my hand on my belly.

“She moving again?” Freddie asked. I nodded.

“She never stops.” I grabbed his hand on my stomach. His eyes got wide.

“Holy—“

“Freddie! Shhh. There’s kids here.” I looked around at the waiting room. There were a lot of mothers here, some with kids in tow. There was one little boy on the floor kicking and screaming. His mother, who looked like she would go into labor at any second, couldn’t make him stop. I moved Freddie’s hand and walked over to the little boy. I kneeled on the floor next to him and he stopped and looked at me.

“Hi. My name is Sam. What’s your name?” he sniffled.

“Twevah” the little boy couldn’t say his R’s. It was so cute.

“It’s nice to meet you, Trevor.” He frowned at me, but at least we wasn’t screaming.

“Awe you having a baby?” he asked, looking at my belly. I nodded.

“Yes, I am.”

“My mommy is having a baby too.”

“Oh really? That’s cool. Is your mommy having a baby boy or a baby girl?” he looked up at his mom and I followed his gaze.

“A little girl.” She put her hand on her belly and smiled. Trevor looked back at me.

“I don’t want a baby.” He started crying again.

“Aww how come?” he rubbed his eyes.

“my mommy will only love the baby.” He sniffled again.

“Aww, Trevor. Of course not. Your mommy has a lot of love to pass around. She’ll never love you any less. See, mommies have a lot of hearts. They have one for each of their little ones.” I put my hand on his face and he smiled.

“And once your mommy has the baby you can be her special helper. Doesn’t that sound like fun?” he nodded and looked up at his mom.

“Can I weally?” he asked her. She nodded.

“Of course, honey. You can help me change her diapers and pick out her clothes. She’ll be your baby sister.” Trevor turned back to me.

“Awe you having a gihl baby too?” he asked me. I nodded.

“Yes, I am. Do you wanna feel her?” he smiled wide and nodded. I took his little hand and put it on my belly. He looked back at his mom.

“Momma! It’s just like Towi!” his mom laughed. The doctor called my name and I looked over at her.

“Okay, Trevor. Sam has to go see the doctor now. Come on over here.” She patted the chair next to her and Trevor climbed up.

“Bye Sam!” he waved as I stood up.

“Bye Trevor!” I walked back over to Freddie. He smiled at me and we walked over to the nurse.

“Ready to go?” she asked. I nodded. We walked over to the scale.

“So have you felt her move yet?” she asked.

“All the time! She never stops!”

“How about you, Freddie?”

“Yeah, just today actually.” He smiled and I stepped on the scale.

“Looks good.” She wrote on her clipboard.

“Okay. Where’s the stupid cup?” I asked. The nurse laughed and handed it to me.

“I’ll be so glad when I’m done.” I muttered as I walked away. Peeing in a cup was disgusting. I came back and gave her the cup again and she handed it off.

“Alright, let’s go.” We walked back to an open room and I sat on the table. She put the cuff over my arm again. It was staring to become routine.

“So are you losing any sleep yet?” she asked me as she squeezed the ball.

“Always. Cassie doesn’t know what night is.” The nurse laughed and took the cuff off of my arm.

“Lay back for me.” She said. I layed back and lifted my shirt up.

“I’m so ready to be done.” I sighed.

“Well you get to hear her heartbeat and see her on the screen again.”

“That’s the best part. But I can’t wait until I can see her for real and not just on a monitor.” I smiled. She put the tape measure on my stomach again and wrote something else down on her clipboard.

“So have you guys done all your shopping?” she asked. Freddie and I nodded.

“For now.” I said.

“Obviously when she’s born she’ll need more stuff. As always.” Freddie finished. The nurse nodded and picked up the Doppler.

“Ready, Sam?” I smiled and nodded and she set it on my stomach. The sweet sound of Cassie’s heart. It beat with mine. Nothing in the world sounded so nice. I wished I could lay and listen to it forever. The nurse watched us and smiled, then moved to the Doppler.

“You want to see her?” I sat up and nodded.

“Let’s go!” I took Freddie’s hand and we followed the nurse down the hall.

“Hey Amy.” I waved and she smiled.

“Hey guys. 20 weeks already! I can’t believe only 12 weeks ago you came in here for the first time.”

“Yeah, it’s crazy.” I jumped on the table, layed down and pulled my shirt up. She put the gel on my stomach and Freddie sat next to me. He still had my hand. She put the transducer on my stomach and I was lost in Cassie all over again. She was moving around.

“Look, she’s waving hello to you.” Amy pointed to the monitor and we saw Cassie’s hand up. She really was waving. Amy snapped a picture.

“She loves Freddie.” I pointed out. Freddie laughed.

“She loves you both.” Amy said.

“Well, yeah. But I think she’s going to be a daddy’s girl because every time Freddie puts his hand on my stomach she settles down and stops moving.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah, that’s the only way I get to sleep is when he does it.” Amy took more pictures of Cassie and then moved the transducer and wiped the gel off of my stomach. I sat up and pulled my shirt back down.

“She’s so perfect.” I said as Amy handed me the pictures. I looked at her. She was precious.

“Let’s take off, Sam. I gotta get to work.” I climbed off the table and followed him out. He stopped at the counter and was handed a time card.

“Looks good.” He put it in his pocket and we walked out.

X

“Okay babe, I’ll see you when I get home if you’re still awake.” He kissed me.

“Yeah.”

“Sam, don’t be mad. Carly’s going to come over in a little bit to hang out with you.”

“I hate when you go to work. It feels like forever.” I was sitting on the couch and he was leaning over me.

“I know, babe. But once Cassie is born I’ll be home for a few weeks with the two of you. Only 20 more weeks,” he kissed me again, “I gotta go. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He stood up and walked out the door.


	33. Chapter 33

There was a knock on the door and I got up to answer it. Walking around with Cassie inside of me was getting difficult. She always moved. I opened the door and saw Carly standing outside the door wearing a santa hat.

“What in the world are you wearing?” she looked ridiculous.

“It’s a santa hat, silly!” she laughed.

“It’s not even Christmas yet, Carly.” She rolled her eyes.

“I know! But we’re going—“

“Shopping? Again?”

“Sam! It’s almost Christmas! And I know you. You haven’t gotten Freddie anything yet.”

“I’m having a baby. That can be his Christmas present.” I complained.

“Come on! I want to buy Cassie her first Christmas present! You’re such a party pooper!” I rolled my eyes. She would bring Cassie into it.

“Fine! But only for Cassie!” Carly jumped in the air.

“Yay! Come on! Let’s go!” she started dragging me out of the apartment.

“Carly! I’m going to freeze to death!” she stopped and grabbed my jacket off of the coat rack then started running ahead of me. I put my jacket on and followed her.

“Jeez, Sam. Aren’t you cold? You should zip your jacket up. It’s freezing.”

“If I could, I would. I swear Cassie grows like a weed in there.”

“Well I’ll crank the heat up in my car.” Carly unlocked the door and I got in. It was still warm in the car from before she shut it off and I was grateful for the change in temperature.

“Sam, this is so exciting! I can’t believe it’s Christmas!”

“It’s not Christmas yet, Carly.”

“Close enough! Stop being so pessimistic. You’re killing the Christmas spirit!”

“I’m sorry. It’s just, I never get to sleep. Cassie’s moving around all the time and I’m just annoyed. It’s like I never see Freddie anymore. He’s always gone to work. And when I do get to see him I never want to do anything because I’m so tired.”

“It won’t be this way much longer, Sam.”

“Yeah, I know. And I never want to have sex anymore. It’s just gone. I feel like a big ball of baby.”

“That I didn’t need to know.” I smirked. I could still mess with Carly’s head.

“It sucks because Freddie is so hot with no clothes on and oh my God he is so great---“

“SAM!” I laughed.

“Oh come on, Carly. Like you haven’t thought about Jeremy na—“

“That’s where we end that conversation.” I looked over at her and her face was bright red. I laughed harder.

“Carly, Carly, Carly.” I shook my head and she just looked out the windshield, pretending she couldn’t hear me. We pulled into the parking lot of the store and she parked the car.

“Let’s go!” she smiled again. She didn’t let anything change her mood for too long. We got out of the car and walked into the store. Carly immediately walked over to the baby department again.

“Carly, I’ve seen all of this stuff a million times! We probably own everything over here.” She waved her hand at me.

“Shush.” She started picking around at stuff.

“I’m going to go look around.” I said. Carly just ignored me and kept looking around at random stuff.

I had no idea what I was supposed to do for Christmas. Everything had been so centered around Cassie that none of the holidays were important anymore. That’s when it hit me. Whatever I gave Freddie for Christmas had to do with Cassie. Carly approached me.

“We should go get you a new jacket.”

“Yeah, probably.” Carly and I walked away to the clothing department.

X

It was quarter to 11 at night when Freddie walked in. I was laying on the couch with my eyes closed. I had begged Cassie to settle down but the more I complained the more she moved. Freddie quietly shut the door and set the keys on the table next to the door. He probably thought I was sleeping, and that was okay for now. I could hear him walking towards me. He put his hand on my face and left it there for a minute. I could just picture him smiling. He must have kneeled down next to me because he shook me a little bit.

“Come on, babe. Let’s go to bed.” He whispered.

“I’m not sleeping. I can’t.” he pulled me up and we walked into the room.

“Do you ever sleep anymore?” he asked. I shook my head.

“Nope. I guess being pregnant is supposed to prepare you for never sleeping with a newborn.”  I sighed.

“You look exhausted.” He put his hand on my face again and I layed my head on his chest.

“I am. Carly dragged me to the store again today.”

“Why?”

“Because. It’s almost Christmas. You know Carly.” I yawned.

“Come on, babe.” He walked over to the bed. I layed down and closed my eyes again. I was ready for her to come out. Freddie layed down next to me and put his hand on my stomach.

“Relax now, Cassie. It’s bed time.” He whispered. I looked over at him and he glanced at me.

“What?” he asked. I shook my head.

“Nothing. It’s just the first time you’ve talked to her.”

“That’s because it’s weird to talk to a stomach. It doesn’t seem like she would be able to hear me through all the skin and stuff.”

“Freddie--”

“Sam, that wasn’t a fat joke. What is with you? You’re really not that big for being pregnant. You could probably feel her move really early because she doesn’t have any room.”

“First, I wasn’t going to say that but thanks for pointing it out,” he rolled his eyes and I smiled, “and second, she can hear you. Do you feel her moving?” he thought for a minute.

“No.”

“Exactly. She listens to you. I’ve been trying for the last two hours to convince her to chill out and you come in and say it and she does.” Freddie laughed.

“Well we know who she likes more.”

“Ha!” I closed my eyes again.

“Relax, Sam. I was only joking. Now try to get some sleep. You really need it.”

“I know I look horrible.” I mumbled.

“No you don’t. You look beautiful as always. You just look tired, too. And I know Cassie keeps you up all the time.”

“Freddie?” I yawned again

“What, babe?”

“What do you want for Christmas?” I just wanted to sleep, but I hoped that he would just say something simple and make my job easy.

“Nothing. I’m over that crap. Besides, I’m working Christmas. As long as I come home and you’re still here and everything around here is intact and not burned down I’ll be happy.” I thought back to two years ago. I had tried to make dinner for Christmas. Needless to say it didn’t turn out so well. We ended up going to Carly’s house last minute. From that point on Freddie insisted I stay out of the kitchen.

“It wasn’t that bad. Just a little burned food.”

“Sam, you burned an entire turkey. Not like parts of one. A whole turkey. Still intact. You burned it inside and out. I’ve never seen anybody—“

“Okay, Fredward. I get it.”

“I think the only thing you saved were the green beans and that’s only because you cheated and put canned green beans in the microwave.”

“Go to bed.” I grumbled.

“I’m wide awake, honey. I’m not going to bed anytime soon.”

“Don’t you have to work tomorrow?”

“Nope. I’m off remember?”

“I barely remember my own name right now.” Sleep was overcoming me. I had only slept 6 hours in the past three days. Freddie chuckled.

“Goodnight, Sam. I love you. I’ll make sure Cassie doesn’t wake you up again.” I nodded.

“Diddo.” I nodded off to sleep.


	34. Chapter 34

I woke up early, about 7:00. Freddie was already gone to work and the whole house was quiet. It was Christmas day. I put my hand on my stomach and looked down.

“Merry Christmas, Cassie Julianne.” She started to move around and I could feel her kicking from the outside. I layed in bed for a while, enjoying the feeling I got when she moved around. I was used to it now. My phone buzzed. Freddie must have put it on vibrate. I saw Carly’s name on the screen.

_Knock, knock! Merry Christmas! Open the door, please!_

I rolled out of bed and walked to the door. Even though it was early I was wide awake. I opened the door to Carly’s smiling face.

“How are you always so happy in the morning?” I groaned. She shrugged.

“I don’t know, but it’s CHRISTMAS!” she had a bunch of wrapped gifts in her arms and I grabbed some from her to help her bring them in.

“What is all this stuff? You know we don’t do Christmas stuff over here.”

“But you set up a tree and a tree means presents.”

“Freddie set up the tree.” I set the gifts under the tree and sat on the couch. Carly followed me.

“How’s Cassie today?” she was talking to my stomach. It was weird at first, but since I did it and Freddie did it then it was only natural that Carly do it. Cassie was her Goddaughter, after all.

“Kicking around as usual.” I put Carly’s hand on my stomach. After a few seconds she jumped off of the couch. She looked terrified.

“What?” I put my hand on my stomach. Nothing felt different.

“That’s what it feels like?” she was practically screaming. I nodded in confusion.

“Yeah? What are you freaking out about? It’s just Cassie.”

“She kicks HARD!” I laughed.

“Yeah, she’s a feisty one alright.” I looked back down at my stomach.

“Well, Freddie texted me this morning. He didn’t want you to be alone on Christmas day so I came over here.” I stood up.

“I’ll be right back.” I walked into our room and grabbed my phone.

_Merry Christmas, babe. I miss you. Only 11 more hours until I get to see your gorgeous face._

I smiled and hit reply.

  _I miss you, too. Like crazy. Wish you didn’t have to work today : (_

I walked back out into the livingroom and joined Carly on the couch.

“You ready for this?” she practically jumped off of the couch in excitement.

“For what?” I didn’t know what Carly was up to, but whatever it was I’m sure it wasn’t a good idea.

“A Christmas Story!” she looked at me dumbfounded, “We watch it every year on Christmas. Did you forget?” she looked sad for a minute. I had forgotten but she didn’t need to know that.

“No. Sorry, just tired.” I lied. She smiled again and popped the movie in. Every year on Christmas day Carly, Spencer and their parents would watch A Christmas Story. Then one year without notice her mom died. I had never seen Carly so crushed. Then her dad joined the Navy and left Carly and Spencer alone. Since then Carly and I watched A Christmas Story on Christmas Day. Every year she cried. Every year I felt sorry for her. Every year I wanted to find her dad and force him to come home and be with his daughter.

“I love this movie.” She sat down and smiled. She only loved it for one reason. It was all she had left of happier days when her whole family was together.

“I think you have this movie memorized.”

“Shhhh!” she stared at the screen. I could have gotten up and walked away and she wouldn’t notice, but I wouldn’t do that to her.

“Are you hungry?” I asked her. She shook her head.

“No.” she answered. I shrugged and got up. I was hungry. I grabbed a bagel from the fridge and sat back by Carly.

“This was my mom’s favorite part.” She whispered. I looked over at her. This was usually where it started; she would shed a few tears and then bawl through the rest of the movie. I didn’t blame her. This time was different, though. This time she just stared and then quietly turned the T.V. off.

“You okay?” I asked her. She looked at the floor.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just wonder what she would be like, you know? Like if she had never died.”

“You already know that answer, Carly. Your mom was an awesome woman.” She sighed.

“I know. Hey, Sam? Can I tell you something?” I leaned forward so she could look at me.

“Yeah, of course.” I answered.

“Sometimes I wonder….if I did something…..to make my dad want to just be gone all the time. I wonder if we would still be watching A Christmas Story every year like this. It would be nice for him to come home for at least one Christmas.”

“Aw, Carls. You didn’t do anything, it’s just hard for your dad. He probably just wants to give himself something to do so he isn’t thinking about your mom, you know? It would be nice for him to come for one Christmas, though. That you’re right about.” That was all I needed to hear from her. She was going to be in for the shock of her life come 7:00 tonight.

X

Freddie was in the kitchen. He wouldn’t let me touch anything in there, so I snuck into the baby room. It was starting to look perfect. We had a lot more to do, but for now it was good. I had hidden Freddie’s Christmas present in her closet.

“Hey, babe!” I shouted. I could hear him walking towards Cassie’s room and in an instant he was in the doorway.

“What? What’s wrong?” every time I called to him he panicked. He always thought something was wrong with Cassie.

“Nothing, come here.” I smiled and he slowly walked into the room.

“We can’t keep having sex in Cassie’s room. It’s weird.” I rolled my eyes.

“We aren’t having sex. Come here.” I reached into the closet and pulled a box out. He stared at me like I was crazy. I set the box on Cassie’s dresser and pulled him over.

“Look inside.” I told him. He looked at me again and then opened the box. He pulled an old children’s book out.

“Wow. Where did you get these?”

“Your mom gave them to me. I thought I could give them to you to read to Cassie.” He dug through the box some more. I had convinced his mom to give me all of the old books he had enjoyed as a child. He probably still loved them but would never admit it. Now he had a reason to read them again. Cassie.

“Sam, this is incredible. I can’t believe you thought of this. Cassie is going to love these books.” I smiled. Freddie really didn’t care about Christmas, at least not the gift part. But he did love being with his family. He turned around and put his hands on my stomach.

“I can’t wait to meet her.” He whispered. I shook my head.

“Me either.” I took his hands in mine and kissed him.

“Merry Christmas, babe.” I smiled and he smiled back.

“Merry Christmas.”

“You better finish cooking soon. Carly and Spencer are coming over here and someone else too.” I walked away.

“Who else is coming over here?” he asked. I shook my head again.

“You’ll see.” I laughed and sat back at the counter to watch Freddie cook.

X

We were sitting around everywhere just waiting for something to happen. I kept looking at the clock. Any minute now.

“Sam, why are you holding us hostage?” Carly complained.

“You’ll see.” There was a knock on the door and I stood up slowly to answer it. I opened the door and let the man walk into the apartment. Carly stared for a long time. She was the only one who didn’t know.

“Dad?” Carly stuttered. I watched her as she slowly stood up. Her dad smiled.

“Hey, Carly. Long time no see, huh kiddo?”

“What are you doing here?” she was standing right in front of him now.

“It’s Christmas. I wanted to see you and Spencer. Besides, I think I’ve been away long enough.” He touched her hair and her face. They stood like that for a long time before she hugged him.

“I missed you so much daddy.” I could hear Carly crying into his jacket. He just stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head.

“I missed you too, sweetheart,” she backed away from him and wiped her eyes, “you have some great friends, Carly. Between them and Spencer they convinced me it was time to come home.” Carly looked at me and I smiled. She practically tackled me.

“Sam, how did you do this?” she mumbled.

“I have my ways.” She cried for a long time. This was how I pictured it. After everything Carly had done for me, after all the things she had given up to help me out, she deserved this.

“I can’t believe you did this.” She sobbed. I smiled.

“You’ve done so much for me. Besides, I think Cassie wants her Godmother to be happy before she’s born. Oh, I have one more thing for you, too. Well, Spencer and your dad helped.” She backed away from me and I walked over behind the kitchen counter. I walked back over to her and handed her the gift.

“Sam, you’ve already done enough.”

“Just open it. We spent a long time on this.” I demanded. Freddie walked over to me and put his arm around my waist. Carly ripped the paper off and stared at the cover of the scrapbook. Fresh tears sprang in her eyes and she sat on the couch. She flipped through it slowly.

“Sam—“

“Hey. I figured I’m about to be a mother. If I died I’d want my kid to remember me,” I walked over to Carly, “and you’ve done so much for me, Carly. Ever since high school you’ve been my best friend. You got detention just so we could do iCarly together. You almost took the blame for when I changed your grade in the system. You’ve always been here for me. You’re the most selfless person I know. You deserve to have one Christmas that you remember that doesn’t involve the words “before my mom died” or “before my dad joined the Navy.”” She stood up and hugged me again.

“Sam, this is the best Christmas I’ve had in my life.” She cried some more. She let go and turned to her dad once again.

“Well, kid. I think it’s time to watch A Christmas Story. You can show me your house. I’d love to see it.” She smiled and nodded then they walked out the door. Spencer followed and they all chattered away. I turned towards Freddie.

“You’re in the thoughtful and giving mood. Christmas spirit coming over you?” I shook my head.

“No, but you know Carly. It bugs her not having her parents around. Besides, if it was Cassie I would hope her best friend would do something like this. Then again, I would hope you wouldn’t leave her alone if I died.”

“I never would.” He pulled me closer to him.

“I’m glad everything turned out.” I sighed.

“We’re not done yet.” I rolled my eyes as he dragged me over to the couch. He brought a bag over.

“I hate Christmas.” I whined. Freddie laughed.

“No you don’t.”

“You’re right, I love all the food.” He sat down next to me and reached inside the bag, pulling out some sort of weird looking pillow thing.

“What the hell is that?”

“It’s a maternity pillow. It’s supposed to support your back and your stomach so you can sleep.” I stared at him. He had done his research.

“Wow. I’ve never even heard of one of these things.” I mumbled, looking at it some more.

“My mom told me about it.” He reached back into the bag and pulled out a bunch of bath stuff.

“And this is your home spa kit. It will help you relax. Maybe if you relax more, Cassie will calm down more.” He set it on the coffee table.

“One can only hope.” I laughed.

“Merry Christmas, Sam.” He put his hand on my face.

“Merry Christmas.”


	35. Chapter 35

Carly had decided to throw a party for New Year’s. I honestly didn’t want to go, but Freddie dragged me to her house. Something about her being my best friend or something. I knew the party would be stupid; everyone would be getting drunk, stumbling around and possibly sneaking away to have sex with as many strangers as they could. Yeah, Carly had learned how to throw some pretty intense parties.

“At least pretend to be having fun, Sam. For Carly’s sake. She keeps looking over here.”

“Yes, because it’s fun being 21 weeks pregnant and standing in a room full of sweaty, drunk people listening to really bad music on full volume. That’s all I’ve ever wanted in life,” I said sarcastically. Freddie rolled his eyes. “and we don’t even have to get into how annoying it is to have people continue to look at me like I don’t deserve to be on the same planet as them. Yup. This is just the best night of my life.”

“Just ignore them.” He said.

“I can’t believe you forced me to come here. It’s not like Carly would have really cared if we came or not.”

“Yes, she does. Now quit being in such a bad mood.” He kissed my forehead. I saw a ton of girls look my way and shake their heads. I was getting sick of all this crap.

“Don’t, Sam,” Freddie must have seen them too, “just ignore them. They’re stupid.”

“I’m about to give them brain damage. Then they would have a reason to be stupid.”

“Just leave it alone.” He warned. Carly turned the music down and started yelling over everybody.

“Okay guys! It’s almost midnight! My dad has something he’d like to say!” I was glad that Carly was happy. It was about time her dad came home. He raised a red, plastic cup that was probably filled with water. He didn’t drink.

“To new beginnings in a new year with Carly and her friends.” Fantastic. Toasting? Let’s just bathe in alcohol. It was quiet for a minute while everyone in the room got more drunk then they already were and then a voice rang out about everyone else.

“And speaking of new beginnings,” I didn’t know this girl but she walked over to me and Freddie and started touching his hair, “maybe you should start new, too.” Why did everyone always flirt with him? He politely pushed her hand away and pulled me closer to him.

“I’m happy with the life I have, thank you. And I would appreciate if you guys would stop trying to piss my wife off.”

“You should really get a divorce.” She grabbed his free hand and the girls in the background started giggling. People really didn’t get who they were messing with. I wasn’t playing games anymore. If I had to deal with one more person trying to take Freddie away from me I was going to go to prison for murder.

“Stop. Touching. My. Husband.” I growled. The mystery girl turned to me.

“I don’t believe I was talking to you. I don’t make it a habit to associate with dirty sluts.”

“Hey, that’s enough.” Freddie’s words were ignored.

“If I’m a dirty slut what are you? You’re openly flirting with a married man in a room full of people.”

“We’ll see how long he stays married,” she poured the contents of her cup on me, “oops.” She laughed and the entire room was silent. Everyone just had to pick a fight with me. I wanted to hit her so bad, but that’s what she wanted. She wanted a reason to fight and I wouldn’t give her one. I knew this party was a bad idea. I closed my eyes, zoning out everything else and focusing on Cassie. I could still hear her heartbeat in my head. I could feel the tension and anxiousness in the room. Everyone expected this to be a fight. I took a deep breath, opened my eyes and walked to the door with Freddie following.

“Wait!” Carly grabbed my arm and stopped me. Everyone stared at her.

“Why do you all have to be so mean to Sam? She’s my best friend. You guys don’t have any idea what happened, you all just think you do because of the rumors. Does it make you feel better about yourself when you’re putting somebody else down? This is getting really old. I’m not going to just stand here and let you guys hurt her like that. Especially you, Jackie. We’re all supposed to be adults. If you guys aren’t going to be nice to her then I don’t want you in my house.” The mystery girl, who must have been Jackie, walked up to Carly.

“That’s fine. I don’t associate with friends of dirty sluts either.” She smirked.

“Stop calling her that!” Carly yelled. Her dad put his hand on her shoulder.

“It’s exactly what she is. And I hope she loses that baby. People like that don’t deserve to have kids.” She looked right at me and I looked right into her eyes. It hurt. Nothing had bothered me as much as someone wishing Cassie to die, but I wasn’t going to give it up. She’d never know how much the words stung.

“Carly, no.” I heard her dad say. She must be seeing black. For the second time in the past month Carly was on top of someone. Everyone in the room started talking again. Carly’s dad started reaching for her but Freddie stopped him.

“Let her do it.” He said. I looked at Freddie. His face was set in stone. Every ounce of anger he had in him was showing on his face. If I had hit the girl he probably would have let me fight her. Carly’s dad stared straight down at her. He had probably never seen her this way. As mad as I was I couldn’t let her do this. I grabbed her and pulled her back.

“Carly!” she couldn’t fight against me. I would always be stronger than her.

“You’re a bitch, Jackie! Flat out!” since I wouldn’t let her hit this girl she resorted to words. Then she spit on her.

“Carly!” her dad yelled. Carly was into it. She probably wouldn’t remember doing this in five minutes. Jackie wiped the spit off of her face and hit Carly. This fight would never end so I let Carly go.

“Don’t worry. Carly can hold her own.” I told her dad. He shook his head and sighed.

“When did she turn into this person?” he mumbled. I knew it was a rhetorical question. Carly was intense, and she was winning. Freddie wrapped his arms around me from behind and put his chin on my shoulder.

“This is not like Carly at all.” He whispered. I nodded.

“I know.”

“We should stop her.”

“We can’t. She’s just got to fight it out.” Carly’s house was going to be a mess. She and Jackie kept moving around the whole livingroom. People were trying to find somewhere to go so they didn’t end up in the middle of it. Carly grabbed her hair and dragged her to the door. She threw her out onto the porch and got in her face.

“Don’t EVER show up here again. I swear to God I’ll kill you!” she screamed. She stormed back into the house.

“Get out!” everyone slowly started shuffling past her. She pushed the last few people out and slammed the door. Her dad stared at her.

“Carly, that was totally out of line.” He started. She folded her arms.

“Did you even hear what she said about Sam?” she asked. He nodded.

“Yes. I did. But that doesn’t give you the right to act like that.” Carly scoffed.

“It’s been like this since Sam got pregnant. People just never leave her alone. How would you handle people always trying to fight with your best friend? I know you don’t know Sam, but she doesn’t handle people very well. But now she’s pregnant so someone has to stand up for her.”

“Carly you just have to ignore people. Not fight them.” Carly was quiet and I decided that would by my cue to go home.

“I’ll see you later, Carls.” I turned and walked out the door with Freddie behind me.

X

“You should have kicked her ass, Sam.” Freddie was still mad.

“And risk hurting Cassie? Aren’t you the one always telling me to think about Cassie first? Besides, Carly took care of it.” Freddie kissed me.

“I can’t believe you walked away.”

“I’d rather walk away then risk Cassie getting hurt. Now I’m going to take a shower.”

“Okay.” He kissed me again and I walked into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. My hair and clothes were disgusting. I stripped down and got in the shower. The heat was nice and not smelling like beer anymore was the best. I could have stood in the shower forever, but Cassie had settled down and I was ready to sleep. I got out of the shower and dried off, walking into our room.

I pulled clothes out of the dresser and got dressed. Freddie was in bed watching me.

“What?” I asked.

“I’m really proud of you.” He said. I layed down in bed and sighed.

“I love you. And I love Cassie. I don’t want anything to come between us or hurt Cass.”

“Nothing is ever going to come between us.”

“I hope not.”

“Nothing. I promise.” He put his arms around me.

“New year. New beginnings. Starting with Cassie.”

“Happy new year, Samantha Benson.” He kissed me.

“Happy new year.” I mumbled and fell asleep.


	36. Chapter 36

I woke up the next day and looked over to see Freddie laying in bed. He was supposed to be at work. I shook him and he groaned.

“What?”

“Freddie, you’re supposed to be at work!” I kept shaking him.

“Sam, stop. I’m not going to work today.” He mumbled.

“Why? I thought you weren’t taking any more days off until Cassie was born.”

“Because I don’t feel good, now quit shaking me.” He complained.

“What’s wrong?” I put my hand on his face.

“I’m fine,” he brushed my hand away, “I just want to sleep.”

“Oh my God! I bet Jackie gave you herpes or something!” I jumped out of bed and went over to Freddie’s side of the bed. I kneeled and put my hand on his face again.

“Sam, leave me alone.” He swatted my hand away.

“You take care of me all the time why can’t I take care of you?” I whined. He sighed.

“Because I don’t want you to.” He was in a really bad mood, so he must have been very sick. I didn’t know whether to listen to him or to ignore him.

“Freddie, babe, you look terrible. Did you drink last night?”

“I don’t know, maybe.” He yawned.

“What do you mean you don’t know? It’s not like you got drunk or anything.”

“Sam, I don’t know. I wasn’t worried about that after Jackie started all that shit. Just be quiet, you’re giving me a headache.”

“Freddie, I think you should go to the doctor.” He shook his head.

“It’s nothing, babe. I’ll be fine if you just let me sleep.”

“Do you want me to get you anything?”

“Yeah. I want you to get away from me.” He snapped. I rolled my eyes.

“That wasn’t nice. I’m just trying to help.” I started to stand up and he sighed and opened his eyes. He grabbed my arm.

“Hey. I know. I’m sorry, I’m just really tired.”

“Okay. I’m going to go over to Carly’s for a little bit.” I said. Freddie nodded and closed his eyes again.

X

I saw Carly standing outside as I approached her house. She looked ready to cry and as I got closer I saw why. Someone had written ‘Dirty Slut’ on her front door and smashed bottles of vodka all over her porch.

“Oh my God!” I said. Carly turned to me and faked a smile.

“Hi, Sam.” She whispered. I hugged her.

“Carly—“

“I don’t get people.” She started crying into my jacket.

“Me either. But you really need to call the police.” She scoffed and backed away.

“I can’t even prove it was her.” She wiped her eyes and sniffled.

“Well, let’s just go inside and figure it out. It’s too cold out here.” We walked into her house and she sat on the couch.

“Why are you letting this bother you so much? I’m the dirty slut, remember?” Carly rolled her eyes and looked at me.

“They heard about Jeremy, Sam.” I stared at her. Why did it matter if they knew that she and Jeremy were kind of seeing each other?

“Okay?” I slowly walked over to her.

“Sam! Everyone thinks I’m easy because I had sex with him! I went to the store today and guys kept walking up to me asking me how much I charged!” she wiped her eyes again. I sat down next to her. I couldn’t help her; nothing I said would make her feel better.

“Carly, how does having sex with one guy one time—“

“Ten.” She interrupted.

“Ten?”

“Or eleven….or twelve….oh! I don’t remember!”

“Holy shit, Carly! You were a busy girl!”

“Sam!”

“Sorry. Fine. But it was only one guy, Carly. That doesn’t make you a slut. Just tell them to fuck off.”

“Sam, I’m not like you. I can’t just not care what people are saying about me.” 

“It’s easy, Carly. Only you know what happened, they don’t. Rumors are rumors. Who cares what stupid people have to say?”

“I do!”

“Okay, maybe this will help you like it helps me. Do you think Cassie cares what the stupid people are saying?” Carly sniffled.

“Cassie’s not even born.”

“So? You’re still her Godmother, Carls. What if people were saying this stuff about her? Would you let it bother you? Would you want it to bother her or would you tell her to ignore them?”

“I don’t know, Sam. Obviously I wouldn’t want her to feel like this.”

“Exactly, so you shouldn’t be upset about it either. We’ll call the police and clean it up and you won’t have to worry about it. And just make a joke about it if people approach you. Say something like ‘too much for you’ or something. They won’t know what to say and you’ll walk away smiling.”

“Sam, I just want it to go away.”

“We all want the shit to go away but if they know it bothers us they’ll just keep doing it. If you walk with your head held high eventually they will get bored and move on to someone else. Some people never grow up.” I hugged her.

“Sam, you always know what to say.” She sighed.

“Nah, I just know how it feels. Now let’s get this all cleaned up.” I stood up and she followed.

X

I got back to the apartment and walked into the bedroom. Freddie was still asleep so I went to take a shower. Scrubbing spray paint off of a door was a lot harder than I originally imagined, especially when horny men kept walking past the house whistling and yelling things at Carly. I told them to shove it up their ass and they walked away. Some people knew better than to mess with me. I finished my shower and walked back into the bedroom. Freddie really was sick. I got dressed and kneeled next to him again.

“Hey babe?” I shook him and he groaned.

“What?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the doctor?”

“I’m sure. It’s nothing.”

“Okay, well, I’m going to go in the livingroom. Shout if you need anything.” I stood up.

“Okay.” Freddie fell back asleep in an instant. I sat on the couch and put my hand on my belly.

“Daddy’s sick and auntie Carly’s having a bad day. What should we do, Cassie bug?” she settled down. That answered my question.

“You wanna take a nap, baby girl?” I layed down on the couch and closed my eyes. It had only been a few hours, but it felt like days. I hadn’t been tired when I left Carly’s or when I was trying to talk to Freddie, but I was bored, and bored made me tired. Cassie was moving around a little, but not as much as usual.

“Goodnight, Cassie. For now.” In just a few minutes I was asleep.


	37. Chapter 37

We were sitting at the doctor’s office just waiting. It was pretty empty today and it was boring just sitting here. Freddie still wasn’t feeling good and it was testing both our patience. He was always in a bad mood and I couldn’t stand it, especially since he refused to let me help him. He was leaning back in his chair with his eyes shut.

“Sam? Freddie? Ready to go?” the nurse finally called us back and I stood up. Freddie slowly followed and we walked back with the nurse.

“So how’s it going?” she asked as I stepped on the scale. I needed to have Cassie. Looking down at my belly I knew I was never going to go back to what I looked like before her.

“It’s going.” I sighed. She wrote on her clipboard and gave me the cup.

“Only 18 more weeks.” I mumbled and walked away. She looked at Freddie and said something to him. He folded his arms and shook his head. I was hoping she was trying to convince him to get on some sort of medicine. I came back and gave her the cup.

“Alright, let’s go back and talk a little bit.” We walked back into the room and she put the blood pressure cuff on my arm again.

“So are you excited? You’re almost done.” She asked. I nodded.

“I can’t wait to meet her. Plus then people can stop staring at me like I’m the worst person in the whole world.”

“Why do you think people do that?” she took the cuff off of my arm and I layed down and pulled my shirt up.

“Well, there’s some stuff that happened and everyone just twists it around. It’s complicated.” It was really easy to trust the nurse. She had never judged me or said anything negative to me, and I had the same nurse every time I came in.

“So what happened? If you don’t mind telling me I mean.”

“Well, just some stuff. Me and this guy ended up getting together but I don’t know, it’s a little more complicated than that.”

“Wow, I’m sorry to hear that. Just ignore them. You and I’m assuming Freddie know what really happened and that’s all that matters. Some people just don’t feel better unless they’re hurting somebody else. I have a daughter, she’s six and she’s mentally retarded and people pick on her all the time. The adults are worse than the kids. She comes up to be every day and says ‘it’s okay mommy they just don’t know how to act to me.’ Sweetest thing I’ve heard in my life.” The nurse smiled and I realized I wasn’t alone. People judged others all the time.

“That’s so stupid for people to pick on a kid.”

“Yeah. She’s really smart, it just takes her longer to learn things. I don’t care, she’s still my little princess. Should we listen to Cassie’s heartbeat?” she picked up the Doppler and put it on my stomach. I smiled. Only 18 more weeks until I could hold her, feel her heartbeat, sing to her, cuddle her. It was exciting. I looked over at Freddie. His eyes were closed.

“Babe?” he didn’t move.

“Move that thing,” I pushed the nurse out of the way and got off the table to go to Freddie. I shook him.

“Freddie? Wake up.” Nothing happened. I looked back at the nurse and she kneeled next to Freddie. She put her fingers on his neck.

“I’ll be right back.” She stood up and walked out of the room. Something was wrong and I was freaking out. I kept shaking him.

“Freddie, wake up. Please.” It was hard to stay calm when he wouldn’t answer me. The nurse came back in with a doctor and she pulled me into the hallway.

“What the hell is going on?”

“Just relax, we’re going to take care of him. Has he been acting weird the past few days?”

“Yeah, he’s been sick. He’s just been sleeping all the time.”

“Did you guys go anywhere for Christmas or New Year’s eve?”

“We went to Carly’s house. There were a whole bunch of people there.”

“Do you remember what he ate or drank?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. What’s wrong with him?”

“We think Freddie got food poisoning and if not treated right away it can cause respiratory arrest which basically means they stop breathing.” I shoved her out of the way and she grabbed my arm.

“Sam, you need to just let the doctor do his thing.”

“He’s not breathing? How do you expect me to just stand here when something is wrong with him? I knew we should have gone to the doctor!”

“Sam, he’s going to be fine. We’re going to take care of everything. Right now I’m going to take you to the waiting room and I need you to stay there until I come and get you.” I shook my head.

“No, I need to be with Freddie.”

“We aren’t going to be able to do anything for him if you’re there. You just have to let us take care of him.” I saw them bring a bed to the room.

“No, you don’t understand—“

“I do understand. I really do. Do you have any friends we can call for you to come down and sit with you?”

“No, I can do it. Please,” I saw them put Freddie on the bed and start rolling him away, “take care of him. Make him better. I can’t live without him.” She took my hand and walked me to the waiting room. I took my phone out.

_Carls. I need you at the hospital now. Something is wrong._

I sat in a chair and tapped my foot. How did he end up with food poisoning? I’m sure it was an accident. I knew Freddie was stubborn, but I never imagined he would risk his health just to prove it. My phone vibrated.

_On my way! Be there in a few. Speeding right now._

It seemed like my luck would never get better. Everything seemed to be going wrong. I looked around the waiting room. For once nobody was staring at me, they were all just reading or talking. I heard someone yelling down the hall and I ran out. Carly and Spencer were running around calling my name. The nurses kept giving them dirty looks.

“Carly!” she looked at me and ran over.

“Sam! What’s going on? Where’s Freddie?” I just hugged her and cried. Everything was wrong. Ever since I had gotten pregnant things had been off. It wasn’t fair.

“Sam?” she sounded panicked and I didn’t blame her.

“Freddie got food poisoning and I told him to go to the doctor but he wouldn’t and we came here for Cassie’s appointment and we were listening to her heartbeat and I started talking to him and he wouldn’t answer me and now they took him away because they said he’s not breathing and—“

“Sam! Breathe!”

“Carly—“

“Let’s go back into the waiting room. I’m sure Freddie will be fine. We’re at the hospital. They know what they’re doing.” Carly led me back into the waiting room.

“Why can’t anything go right?” I wiped my eyes.

“It will be fine, just relax.” Spencer rubbed my back and we sat in the waiting room in silence.

X

It felt like we had been sitting there a week, but it had only been an hour. The nurse walked back in and sat across from us.

“How are you doing, Sam?” she asked.

“How do you think?” I snapped.

“Sam, be nice.” Carly mumbled. I sighed.

“Listen, Freddie’s doing fine. He’ll have to stay here for a few days until we’re sure everything is okay. We had to put a tube down his throat to open up his airways but when I left the room they were taking it out. He just woke up about 10 minutes ago.” I sighed again. I could handle that as long as he was okay.

“Can I go see him?” I asked. She nodded.

“Yes, I will bring you guys down there.” We stood up and followed her down the hall into room 207. Freddie looked so different. He smiled weakly as I approached him.

“Someone’s gotta keep the drama going.” He tried to joke, but I didn’t think it was funny. I pushed his hair back.

“I told you to go to the doctor.” I whispered. He nodded.

“I know, babe. You were right,” he took my hand, “I promise next time I will listen to you.”

“Well, what’s done is done. At least you’re okay now.”

“Yeah. Hey babe? I need you to call the news station.”

“I will when you go back to sleep.” It was quiet for a minute.

“I’m sorry. I really should have listened to you. Especially after going on for a week feeling like this.” He sighed.

“Well, whatever. Too late to take it back. Now we just deal with it.”

“I love you, Sam. Sorry I missed Cassie’s appointment.” He said. I shrugged.

“We’ll just reschedule it, don’t worry about it.” I pushed his hair back again. He still needed a haircut.

“I’m really tired.” He mumbled.

“Okay, we’ll let you sleep.” I looked at Carly and Spencer and they left the room. I turned back to Freddie.

“I love you. Don’t ever scare me like that again.” Freddie chuckled.

“I won’t. Next time I’ll listen to you. And I love you, too. Go home. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

“That’s what you said last time.” I lectured.

“But I’m at the hospital now. Just trust me, sweetheart. You need to get some sleep and relax. You’ve had one hell of a week.”

“Okay, but call me if you need anything. I mean it. If anything changes you call me.” I warned. He nodded.

“Yes ma’am.” I kissed him.

“I love you,” I whispered. He cupped my face.

“I love you, too.” I stood up and walked out of the room. Carly and Spencer met me halfway down the hallway and we walked together to the parking lot.


	38. Chapter 38

I had spent the majority of the last three days sitting in room 207. Although Freddie was looking just fine and not vomiting he still seemed off. We were on day four and he was complaining a lot.

“Sam,” he started whining again.

“I swear to God, Freddie, if you complain about one more thing in this room I’m going to break your arm.” I was flipping through a magazine. I had no desire to read anything or see any of the pictures but it was better than staring at the wall.

“Come here.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes but threw the magazine down and walked over to the bed.

“What now?”

“How’s Cassie today?”

“Same as she was yesterday.”

“I can’t believe I’ve had to be in here this long.”

“Yeah well you’ll stay in here until they say you’re 100% okay to leave without having another episode like that. I kind of need you alive.” Freddie laughed. It was the first time he had smiled all day.

“You just want me around for sex.” He mumbled.

“Nah, you know too much.” I smiled and kissed him.

“Yeah I know about that birth mark on your—“

“Okay, Freddie. How are you feeling today?” I groaned as the nurse walked in. She looked at me and smiled.

“I’ve seen it all before, Sam. You two are no different.” She looked down at her clipboard.

“I feel like getting out of here.” He complained. His good mood had faded fast.

“We will get you out of this hospital and home as soon as we can. We just have to make sure you’re not going to stop breathing again.”

“I can assure you I’m not going to. I haven’t the past three days it’s pretty unlikely I’m going to just randomly stop now.”  He snapped.

“Freddie, knock it off. If you’re just going to be in a bad mood today you can stay here.” I folded my arms.

“Okay, let me just listen to your lungs.” She pulled out the stethoscope. Freddie hated this. He hated the whole hospital thing and he especially hated other people taking care of him. I guess it reminded him of his mom. I pushed his hair back and he looked at me.

“You need a haircut.” I said. He laughed.

“Okay, Sam.” The nurse wrote something on her clipboard.

“Okay, I’m going to go talk to the doctor and we’ll see what we can do for you.” She said and she walked out of the room. Freddie took my hand.

“I don’t think I’ve ever loved you more than I do now.” He smiled. I put my hand on his face.

“And I love you a whole lot too, baby.”

“I can’t wait to get out of this hospital and get home with you,” he laughed.

“Oh, Freddie. Such a man.” I shook my head. The doctor walked into the room and smiled.

“Well, looks like you’ll be going home today Mr. Benson.” He boomed cheerfully.

“Finally.” He sat up and threw the blanket on the floor.

“Wait, first you need to fill out the release forms.” He handed Freddie a clipboard and Freddie scribbled out words that nobody could read except a doctor. Then he signed the form and grabbed my hand.

“Thank you,” I said as he dragged me out of the room. We got outside and he took a deep breath.

“Ahh! The sweet smell of pollution!” I laughed and watched him. Three nights in a hospital really did him in.

“Come on, babe, let’s go. I’m hungry.” I put my hands in my pockets and he looked at me.

“Okay, come on. I’ll make you something.” We got in the car and drove home.

X

Freddie just wanted to be home. He wouldn’t have cared if the whole place was trashed as long as he was there. It wasn’t trashed, but I made my point. We were sitting in the livingroom and Freddie kept looking around like he had never been here before.

“Hey babe?” I asked. He looked at me.

“What?”

“I’m tired, I think I’m going to take a nap. Come with me?” he smiled at me and patted my knee.

“Sure, babe. I’ll be in there in just a minute.” He responded. I stood up slowly and walked into the room. I layed in bed and tried to listen to what he was doing. Whatever it was it sounded boring.

“Freddie!” I yelled. I heard him laugh in the livingroom.

“Just a minute, honey!” he yelled back.

“What are you doing?” I just wanted to sleep but I had slept alone enough the past three nights. I didn’t want any more time away from him. He walked into our room and layed next to me. He put his hand on my face and looked in my eyes.

“I love you. So much. More than anything. I’m so glad to be home.” He whispered. I smiled.

“I love you, too. And I’m more than glad that you’re home. No more hospitals.”

“Until Cassie is born.”

“Yeah, I suppose I need to go to the hospital for that.” I laughed.

“You’re such an amazing wife. I never expected you to be at the hospital every single day when I woke up and for you to stay until I was asleep.”

“You would do the same for me. Besides, I didn’t want to be away from you. It was bad enough you always told me to go home and sleep.”

“Well I appreciate it. And I’m glad I could see your face every time I woke up even though I wasn’t at home.”

“Good,” I smiled and kissed him, “now it’s sleepy time.” Freddie laughed.

“Okay. Sleep away princess Benson.”


	39. Chapter 39

Freddie’s stint in the hospital had caused him to be backed up at work which meant that from the time he got released until Cassie was out of me he had to work 6 AM to 6 PM on his normal days. Today was the first time I would go to one of those doctor’s appointments without him. I wouldn’t be alone, though, Carly was coming with me. She knocked on the door and I opened it for her.

“You know you can just come in, right?” she laughed.

“I’m not you, Sam. Are you ready to go?” I nodded and we walked out the door. This was the first time Carly would see Cassie or hear her heartbeat. I think she was more excited than I was. We got in the car and started the drive to the hospital. This drive was always boring.

“I can’t believe you’re already six months pregnant.” Carly said. I nodded.

“Yup, and I feel huge. I can’t wait to have her out of my stomach and in my arms.” Carly laughed again. We never really had anything to talk about other than Cassie. Now we were in two different worlds. It was a silent drive and when we got to the hospital I checked in with the lady.

“Hi, Sam. Where’s that husband of yours?” the nurse behind the desk asked. I smiled.

“He’s at work, but I brought our best friend with me. She’s really psyched to see Cassie.” The nurse looked at Carly who half waved. It was weird for her to be surrounded by pregnant people.

“Alright, well you know how it goes. Go ahead and take a seat and when Janet is ready for you she’ll call you back.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I looked around the waiting room. I saw Trevor and his mom sitting in a chair and a new baby was in her arms. I walked over to them.

“Hi Trevor! Do you remember me? I look a little different now.” He looked at me and smiled. I took that as a yes.

“Mommy had Towi.” He smiled. I laughed.

“Oh yeah? And have you been helping her out a lot?” he nodded.

“Yeah. But sometimes Towi cwies a lot and mommy has to take hew in a special woom until she stops.” He was playing with a truck and the way he talked was so cute. I looked at his mom.

“Breast feeding. Trevor doesn’t remember it. Are you going to breastfeed?” she asked. I shrugged. I had never really thought about it.

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything about babies. I guess I haven’t spent too much time thinking about it.” She smiled.

“You should talk to your nurse about it. She could probably give you a lot of information about it.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that.”

“I never really thanked you for that day. Trevor had spent the majority of my pregnancy mad that he wasn’t going to be the only child anymore.”

“It’s no problem, I guess I’m trying to prepare myself.” I laughed and she joined in.

“What are you naming your little girl?” she asked.

“Cassie Julianne.”

“Very beautiful. Good luck! It was nice meeting you, Sam.”

“Same here.” I ruffled Trevor’s hair and walked back to Carly.

“What was all that?” Carly asked me.

“Just some kid that was throwing a fit one of the times we came here. You get to know people when you have to sit around here all the time.” Carly nodded.

“Sam?” Carly and I stood up and walked over to the nurse. This was the fastest I had ever been able to get into my appointments.

“How are you doing today?” she nurse asked.

“Fine. This is my best friend, Carly. She’s going to be Cassie’s Godmother.” Carly shook hands with the nurse.

“Nice to meet you, Carly. I’m Janet. Congratulations, being a Godmother is a huge honor.” Carly smiled.

“Same here, and thanks. I’m really glad I get to be some sort of influence on Cassie. Especially knowing Sam.” She laughed and I stepped on the scale.

“Ha ha, Carls.” The nurse wrote on the clipboard and gave me the cup.

“What’s that for?” Carly asked. I laughed.

“It’s for a urine sample.”

“Oh my God! That’s disgusting!” Carly covered her ears. I needed to take her to the doctor with me more often. She was so funny. I walked to the bathroom as Carly and the nurse started a conversation. This was my least favorite part. I brought the cup back to the nurse and handed it to her. As always, she handed it off.

“Ready?” I nodded and she led us back to an empty room and put the blood pressure cuff on my arm.

“Getting bored of this yet?” she asked. I nodded.

“Since day one. Only reason I come here is for Cassie’s heartbeat and ultrasound.” The nurse laughed and tightened the cuff.

“So, has Carly ever seen Cassie?” she asked.

“Well, in pictures. Not like this.” She took the cuff off of my arm and I layed back, pulling my shirt up. She put her hands on my stomach and left them there for a few minutes. It was weird.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“Just checking her movements.”

“Oh, do you want me to try to fall asleep? That’s usually when she wants to move around.” She nurse laughed.

“Nope, she’s fine.” She grabbed the tape measure and measured me, then wrote something else on her clipboard.

“Best part, Sam.” She picked up the Doppler and I closed my eyes. I loved to picture Cassie when I heard her heartbeat. The room filled with the sound of Cassie’s heartbeat and I smiled. My angel. She left the Doppler on my stomach longer than usual. Precious, tiny beats. The nurse took the Doppler off of my stomach and I opened my eyes and sat up.

“Okay, so I want to talk to you a little about Cassie’s movements.”

“Okay? Is something wrong?” I pulled my shirt down and the nurse shook her head.

“No. And we want to keep it that way. When do you think Cassie moves the most?” she asked.

“At night.”

“And how often does she stop moving?”

“She’ll spend a few hours a day not moving around as much but I can still feel her moving a little bit.”

“Alright. So you have a general idea of how much she moves around then?” I nodded.

“Yup.” I looked at Carly.

“We just want to make sure you know what kind of habits she has just in case something changes you would know about it. If she stops moving around like she is now, come into the hospital right away. I don’t think it would happen, but it’s happened before to other mothers. Just so you know.” She smiled.

“But is Cassie healthy?” I asked. She nodded.

“Cassie appears to be fine, but we always tell moms this just in case. We don’t want anyone to take that kind of thing lightly.” I nodded.

“Okay.” I said. I got off of the table and the nurse led me and Carly to the ultrasound tech.

“Hi Amy.” She looked up and smiled.

“Hi Sam. Who’s your friend?” she asked.

“Carly. She’s my best friend and she’s also going to be Cassie’s Godmother.” Amy waved to Carly.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Carly.” I jumped up on the table and Carly sat in the chair next to me.

“I heard what happened to Freddie. How’s he doing?”

“He’s good now. He’s actually at work.” I lifted my shirt up again and she put the ultrasound gel on my stomach.

“I always hated that. My husband had to work all the time too when I was pregnant.” Amy sighed.

“You have a husband?”

“Yeah, and two little boys. Twins. Noah and Lucas.” I smiled.

“I’m a twin.” I said. She put the transducer on my stomach and moved it around.

“Oh yeah?” she asked. I nodded.

“Yup, but Melanie lives in Florida now.”

“Aw, two girls. Your mom must have been crazy about you guys.”

“Nah, my mom sucks. Besides, Melanie went to some boarding school most of her life. Now she’s going to college.” I stared at the monitor. Cassie was so cute, even in ultrasound form. Amy started taking pictures.

“This is so cool, Sam.” Carly mumbled. She was in awe. Carly had never seen anybody pregnant before, let alone be in the room for the heartbeat and ultrasound stuff.

“Yeah, she’s a cute little baby.” I stared at the screen some more until Amy moved the transducer and wiped the gel off of my stomach. I pulled my shirt down again and sat up.

“Alright, Sam. Everything looks good. We’ll see you again in about a month.” She handed me the pictures and Carly and I left.

“Sam, I think you should put the pictures up around Cassie’s room.” She suggested as we got in the car. I thought about it for a minute. It was a good idea.

“Yeah, you’re right. That would be really cute. Will you help me?” she nodded and we drove off to the apartment.

X

Carly and I were standing in the baby room. We had bought a bunch of picture frames and now we were trying to figure out how we were going to do this.

“Sam!” I jumped. I was trying to picture the room in my head with the pictures all around when Carly interrupted my thoughts.

“We can write “watch me grow” on the wall and hang them up under the words.” I looked at the huge, blank wall. It was perfect.

“Okay, you start putting these in frames I’m going to do this wall up.” I said. Carly grabbed the frames and the pictures and ran out of the room. I walked into the bedroom and grabbed my white paint. I knew at some point I would have a use for it. I walked back into the room and spent twenty minutes making it perfect. Carly came back in with the stack of frames and we started pounding nails and hanging them up on the wall. Freddie would be so surprised when he came home and saw this.

“I can’t believe she went from a blob to a baby.” I said. Carly laughed.

“Yeah, she’s gotta grow. Otherwise she’d just be like a ball of goo or something.” She straightened a picture on the wall. It didn’t take long since we both knew what we wanted it to look like, but when it was done we took a step back and admired it.

“This is amazing.” I whispered. Carly nodded.

“So is she.”


	40. Chapter 40

I made Freddie close his eyes as soon as he walked in the door from work. I took the keys from his hand and threw them on the table, then took both his hands in mine.

“What are you up to, Sam?” he hid a smile.

“You’ll see.” I kissed him.

“That I can handle.” He smirked. I rolled my eyes.

“That’s NOT it, Fredward.” I led him to Cassie’s room and stood him in front of the Watch Me Grow wall. I stood next to him.

“Okay, now open your eyes.” He did and I saw his jaw drop.

“Sam, did you do all this?” he looked at me. I nodded.

“Yeah. Well, me and Carly did today. It was Carly’s idea.” He looked back at the wall.

“It’s going to be awesome when it’s all finished. Cassie’s first picture can go up there too.” He took my hand and turned to me.

“Have I told you how amazing you are?” he smiled. I laughed.

“Slow down, Freddio. I want to talk to you.” His smile dropped and he just stared at me.

“I knew there was a reason you did this.” He looked over at the wall.

“Yeah? Because it’s cute. Now listen to me.” I grabbed his face and turned it so he was looking at me again.

“Okay. What’s on your mind, sweetheart?”

“I want to go see Brad in prison.” He shook his head before I finished my sentence.

“Absolutely not.” He said. I rolled my eyes. I knew he would react like this.

“Freddie, just hear me out.”

“Nope, this conversation is over.” He dropped my hand and started to walk away. I followed him.

“Come on, Freddie. You’re always going on about how we need to talk about things.”

“Not when it comes to you seeing Brad.”

“Why won’t you just listen to me?”

“There’s nothing to listen to you about. You’re not going to see him. Period. End of discussion.”

“Since when do you make my decisions?” I stopped and folded my arms.

“Sam. If you sneak off to see him don’t expect me to be here. He doesn’t deserve to even think your name let alone see you.”

“It’s not for him.”

“No.”

“You’re so stupid!” I yelled and threw my hands in the air. He turned around.

“Well if looking out for what’s best for you and our daughter makes me stupid then I guess I am.” I scoffed and turned around.

“Whatever.” I mumbled and walked into our room. I heard Freddie sigh behind me. I didn’t get what his problem was. He didn’t know what it was like to actually be pregnant with a child that might not be your husbands. I’d never be able to look at Cassie if I couldn’t even get past all the shit that happened. I fell back on the bed and closed my eyes. My sweet Cassie.

“Sam?” I opened my eyes and turned to see Freddie in the doorway.

“What?” I groaned. He walked into the room.

“Why do you suddenly have an interest in visiting Brad in prison?”

“I don’t have an interest in it. I just have to.” I closed my eyes again.

“You don’t have to.” Freddie whispered. I groaned again.

“Augh! You don’t get it, Freddie, and you never will.”

“Well then explain it to me,” he sat on the bed next to me, “come on, sit up and talk to me.” I sat up and sighed.

“You don’t know what it’s like being pregnant. Being the one in this whole big mess. I can wish all I want for Cassie to be yours but at the end of the day it’s still possible she isn’t. And I’m never—“

“You are NOT going to see Brad in prison just so you can say all is forgiven and—“

“Oh my God! See, I told you you wouldn’t get it!” I layed back again.

“I’m sorry, Sam. I just don’t get why you would want to even be around him after all of this. Look what he did to you.”

“Yeah? Well it’s not for him. It’s for me. Because I’ll never be able to be the mother I want to be to Cassie if I’m sitting around here in fear that she’s his baby.”

“She’s not his baby!” Freddie grumbled.

“You don’t know that! And neither do I.”

“Then we’ll get a paternity test to prove it. You don’t have to go all the way to prison and see him.” I rolled my eyes.

“Fine. Whatever Freddie.” I closed my eyes again.

“And now you’re going to be mad again!” he complained. I ignored him.

“Jeez, I don’t know what your problem is.” He mumbled.

“You are my problem.” I said.

“Of course I am.”

“You are. You and your fake protection. You’re not doing what’s best for me and Cassie.”

“I’m trying, Sam! What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to let me be a big girl and make my own decisions.”

“Not when those decisions put your safety and the safety of Cassie at risk.” I sat up.

“What is he going to do to us in prison? There are cops everywhere!”

“No, Sam.”

“You’re not even being fair!” I yelled. It was annoying. He was always trying to make my decisions. He decided when my appointments would be, what I could and couldn’t do in the nursery, what I could eat, what I could drink. It’s like I was 10 years old again, and at this point I probably sounded like a child.

“I don’t have to be fair. That wasn’t part of our vows.” He stood up.

“Oh my God. I hate you.”

“No you don’t. You just don’t like me right now. You’ll thank me for this, Sam. Someday.”

“Never going to happen.” He walked out of the room and I sighed. I hated being married sometimes. My thoughts turned nasty. What he didn’t know wouldn’t kill him. I stood up and walked into the kitchen.

“You win. This time. I’m going to Carly’s.” I grabbed my coat and the keys and shut the door behind me. He probably wouldn’t love me after this, so there was no point in saying it now. If I wasn’t so angry and determined, I probably would have felt guilty. I’m sure he would find out somehow when he texted Carly and she said I wasn’t there. He’d put the pieces together. I thought about turning around, but I had to do this.

I drove down to the prison to face the demons I couldn’t fight alone.

X

I was sitting at a table just waiting. My heart was racing and my hands were sweating. Cassie was moving around more than she had ever done before. She knew I was making a mistake, but she had to know it was for her that I made this mistake. I saw Brad walking with an officer. His hands were cuffed and I took a deep breath. This was it. He sat down and smirked.

“Never thought I’d see you here, Puckett.” He laughed.

“It’s still Benson. Always will be.”

“So what’s up?” he asked.

“Nothing. Just being pregnant.”

“I see that. How’s our little angel?”

“Okay, first of all, she’s not OUR little angel, she’s MINE and FREDDIE’s little angel--”

“So it’s a girl?” he interrupted. I nodded.

“Yup. Cassie BENSON. Anyway, I’m not here to talk about my child.”

“Stop denying she’s mine.”

“She isn’t yours. Idiot.”

“Prove it.”

“Already done.” There was nothing wrong with lying to Brad if it got him off of my back.

“I don’t see any documentation.”

“Just shut up and listen.”

“That’s what I thought.” He smirked and I ignored him.

“The only reason I came here was to tell you exactly what I think of you. You’re a worthless piece of shit. You’ve never done anything nice for or to anybody. I hope you rot in here and then in hell for all the grief you put me through. Every night I ask God to make you drop the soap in here so you can know exactly what it feels like to be made to do something you don’t want to do.”

“Don’t act like you didn’t want to have sex with me, Sam.”

“I didn’t want to have sex with you. I wanted to leave. Remember? I said it about a million times.”

“I didn’t hear anything.”

“No. You wouldn’t. You were too busy being a man.”

“Because I’m a real man unlike your husband.” I glared at him.

“Real men don’t need to force women to have sex with them. I thought I could talk to you and trust you but you proved that night that you’re just stupid and not worth wasting time on. And for the record, sex with Freddie is way better than sex with you because I actually enjoy having sex with my husband. And he doesn’t act like a virgin on prom night all ‘oh my God baby’ and then it’s over and he actually treats me how all men should treat women. He’s stuck by my side through all of this crap, something you would never do for any girl. Don’t act like you’re all tough. You’re nothing in here. I defeated you without even having to kick your ass.” his smile grew. It wasn’t meant to be funny.

“And does your husband know you’re here?” he laughed at my hesitation.

“Of course he knows I’m here.” I lied.

“Oh, give it up. I know Freddie would never let you come here to see me without him tagging along. Face it, Sam. He’s got you on a leash. A very short one at that.” He laughed harder.

“No, I’m free to do what I want.” I stood up.

“Nah. You’re a wife. They’re not allowed to do whatever they want.”

“You know, you’re just so trashy. And I’m a pretty trashy person so that’s a bad thing to be considered by me. You don’t even care that you damn near ruined my life.”

“Nope, because your life means nothing to me.”

“Well, that’s too bad for you. I’m out in the free and you’re in prison. You can’t bring me down. Nobody can. Don’t drop the soap, Brad. Or better yet, do drop the soap. You think I don’t have connections in here? Trust me, say one bad thing about me and you’re done.” Brad laughed.

“I’m definitely not afraid of a little pregnant girl.” I turned and walked away. Getting everything off of my chest felt nice. The only thing I had to face now was Freddie. I hoped he didn’t figure out what happened.

X

I walked in the apartment and Freddie was sitting on the couch. He looked at me and then away again.

“Have fun with Carly?” he asked. I set the keys on the table and took my coat off. Maybe I was safe.

“Yup.” He shook his head and my heart raced.

“You know, I’ve been with you for a long time.” He started. I nodded.

“Yup. Who would have thought?” I asked. He chuckled.

“Give it up, Sam,” he stood up and walked over to me, “I’m not nearly as stupid as you seem to think I am.” He handed me a packet of folded up papers as someone knocked on the door. Freddie opened it and Spencer was standing outside the door. He gave me a disapproving look before he turned back to Freddie.

“Ready?” he asked. Freddie nodded.

“Yup, just give me one second.” Freddie walked back to our room and I followed him.

“Where are you going?” he turned around with a grin on his face.

“See, I don’t have to tell you that. Because I don’t need your permission.”

“Freddie—“

“No. I warned you, Sam. I’m not going to put up with this. You had no business going behind my back. You had no business lying to me,” he grabbed his bag and turned back to me again, “you made those choices, now deal with them. You can drop those off at the attorney’s office whenever you finish filling them out.” He walked past me.

“Freddie!” I threw the papers on the floor and followed him again.

“Freddie, I had to do this! You wouldn’t let me go!”

“Because it was a stupid idea, Sam. And for the record, when somebody tells you not to do something you don’t turn around and do it anyway.” I felt like the world was crashing down on me. He was serious this time.

“Baby—“

“Nope. Don’t even start that baby stuff with me, Sam.” I grabbed his arm.

“Just listen to me.”

“I did listen to you, and after listening to you I still didn’t agree that you should do it. You did it anyway. You knew exactly what was going to happen and you did it anyway. And to lie to me about it, Sam? Really? Well I hope you enjoy being alone because I’m done being walked all over by you.” He pulled his arm away and followed Spencer out the door.


	41. Chapter 41

I stood at the door a long time. It felt like everything I had ever wanted was gone. It was like everything in the apartment was taken and I was standing in an empty room. Cassie had even settled down. I thought about following him, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good. He was beyond mad.

I slowly walked back to our room and picked the papers up off of the floor. Divorce. It was such a dirty word. I wouldn’t fill these out, not as long as I could hold it off. He wasn’t going to get a divorce out of me just for doing what I needed to do for myself. I swear, sometimes I wondered how hypocritical he could be. I didn’t want to be in the house so I grabbed my phone, walked back to the front door, put my coat on and left.

It was cold outside, but it was right. At least in the cold I couldn’t cry. I thought about the decision I made; it was kind of stupid to sneak off to do it but if Freddie needed to do something like that I would have let him. I would have understood what he needed. How did he expect me to take care of Cassie if I couldn’t get past the fear of not knowing? He didn’t get just how much he meant to me. He didn’t get just how much I needed him. I heard my phone going off.

_Just saw you walk past my house. Come in here. It’s FREEZING!_

I ignored Carly’s text and kept walking. I didn’t know where I was going, but I had to go somewhere. Maybe I would run off to Florida to live with Melanie. My phone went off again.

_Get your ass in here, Sam. I’m not letting you freeze to death._

Carly had always been too smart for her own good. She probably knew exactly what was going on and wanted to go off on me like everyone else did. Nobody understood. It was hard to breathe in all the cold. Damn winter.

“Sam!” I heard Carly scream and turned around. She was standing outside in her t-shirt and jeans with no shoes on. She pointed to her front door.

“What the hell are you doing, Carly? You’re going to get pneumonia again!” I yelled back.

“I’m not going inside until you do so move your butt!” she pointed at her door again and I rolled my eyes and went back to her house.

“I hate when you do that.” I grumbled.

“Well, it works.” She followed me into the house and shut the door. I took my coat off and threw it on the couch.

“What are you doing walking around at 7:30 at night when it’s -10 degrees outside?” she walked into the kitchen. I looked at her. I was sure Freddie or Spencer would have texted her.

“Just taking a walk.” I mumbled. She laughed.

“Yeah, right, Sam. What is going on?” she started stirring something in a pot.

“Freddie’s pissed off at me.” I sat on the couch.

“Why?” I sighed.

“Because I went to see Brad.” Carly dropped the spoon she was using and whipped around.

“In prison?”

“No, Carly. In Antarctica! Yes in prison.”

“Sam—“

“Go ahead and judge me, there’s nothing you can say that’s worse than what I’ve already heard.” I folded my arms and looked at the floor. I didn’t want to cry. I couldn’t. But my whole body felt numb from how much it hurt. Carly sat on the couch next to me and hugged me.

“Sam,” I sat back again and she stared at me, “why did you go over there? He’s such a jerk. He hasn’t done anything nice.”

“I know that. But I had to do it. I had to go and tell him everything I never told him so that I could just let go of it and be a mother to Cassie. I would have never been able to raise her right if I was always feeling like shit, especially if she is Brad’s baby.”

“Oh, Sam.” She rubbed my back.

“I don’t think I need to tell you that he filed the papers.” She stopped and I looked at her.

“What? Like divorce papers?” I nodded

“Yes.” I could feel the tears forming and Carly jumped off the couch and ran into her room. In a few minutes I heard her yelling at someone. I groaned. She came back out of her room and threw her phone at me. I looked at it and saw Freddie’s name on her screen. Great. My heart raced and I put the phone to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Come home. Now.” That’s all he said and then hung up. I looked at the phone for a minute before I threw it on the couch and put my coat back on.

“I’ll drive you there.” Carly said. I shook my head.

“No, I think you’ve done enough.” I walked out the door and back towards the apartment. It was going to be hours of fighting, crying, begging. Whatever I had to do to make him understand I would do. I opened the door to the apartment slowly and saw Freddie and Spencer just standing there. The papers were sitting on the counter. I looked at both of them for a minute and took my coat off.

“Sit down.” Freddie demanded. I folded my arms and shook my head.

“No. Stop telling me what to do. I’m not your child, I’m your wife.”

“Not for long.”

“Why? Because I did something to make our relationship and my relationship with my daughter better?”

“No. You didn’t do any of that, Sam. You knew this wasn’t going to help us at all.”

“Really? How would you know? You didn’t even bother to listen to the reason I needed to go in the first place.”

“Because you didn’t have any reason to go.”

“I did have a reason to go. You were just too busy being an ass to listen!”

“Hey!” we both looked over at Spencer.

“I’m not going to stand here and listen to you two scream at each other all night.”

“You’re free to leave.” I pointed to the door.

“Not until this is resolved.”

“Well apparently your buddy here is never going to let it be resolved unless I agree to get a divorce.” I glared at Freddie.

“You knew this would happen if you went over there!” he yelled.  I sighed. I didn’t want to fight with him anymore. I grabbed the pen off of the counter and signed the papers then threw the pen back on the counter.

“Do you feel better now?” I asked and pushed past him to our room. I sat with my back against the wall and tried to control myself. The sadness I felt was taking over every part of me and I didn’t want it to. I wanted him to at least leave before I let the tears take over. That wasn’t going to happen, though, because I could already feel them streaming down my face. He was my life. My world. I heard the door bang open.

“God Freddie you’re such a jerk!” Carly was screaming.

“Hey! She signed the papers!”

“What else is she supposed to do? What if you told her you needed to go and do something in order to be a better father and husband and she told you no? I bet you wouldn’t like that very much! Where is Sam?”

“She didn’t need to go there to be a better wife and mother! She chose to go there and just so you know she was fully aware of the consequences of sneaking off and doing it!”

“She did need to do it! If you had taken any time to listen to her reasoning you would know that!” I heard someone walking towards the room. Carly kneeled in front of me and hugged me again. It sucked to feel like this. I just wanted to crawl into a corner and die. Somebody else walked into the room.

“Bye, Carly.” I heard Freddie’s voice and it made everything hurt even more.

“I’m not going to let you bully and degrade her anymore, Freddie.”

“I wasn’t bullying or degrading her.”

“Well. I’m not going to let you be stupid anymore and hurt her. She’s your wife, not your slave. You don’t get to tell her what to do.”

“Just leave.”

“No.”

“Carly—“

“Carly! Get your butt out here!” Spencer yelled from the kitchen.

“Scream if you need me.” She whispered and I nodded. Freddie shut the door after she left. I could just imagine him glaring down at me. He silently sat next to me.

“Come here,” he whispered and pulled me closer to him. I didn’t want this. If he was going to leave I wanted him to just leave, not pretend to care and then walk away. We sat that way for a while until I calmed down.

“Sam—“

“Freddie. I never went to sneak around. I just didn’t want to have to worry about it anymore. You never want to talk about it and I can’t just keep it built up. I would have never been able to take care of Cassie, especially if she is his, if I couldn’t just let it go. And I didn’t want to nag you to talk about it anymore. I want us to be a family more than you, but what kind of family would we be if I couldn’t get past all that happened and let it go. She doesn’t deserve to have to go through that crap. It would always be causing tension between us.”

“I know. I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you.” He wiped the tears off my face. This was the side of Freddie I fell in love with.

“I can’t live without you.” I sniffled. He nodded.

“I know, don’t worry about it. I ripped it up. You were right. It didn’t make me feel any better. It didn’t give me any sense of closure from you. It just made me want to die watching you sign them.”

“I just don’t want to have any more issues with you.”

“I know, angel.” He kissed me.

“I think I’m in love with you.” I mumbled.

“I sure hope so.”

“Just promise me that we’re going to start talking about things without flying off the handle.”

“I promise I will listen to you whenever you say you want or need to do something, baby. I never want to see you cry like this again. It breaks my heart.”

“I love you. Insanely.”

“I love you insanely too, sweetheart.” He kissed me again and we sat in silence.


	42. Chapter 42

“I’m hungry!” I whined. Freddie laughed. It had been three weeks since the big fight and although things weren’t perfect they were getting there.

“Soon, babe.” He said. I put my hand on my stomach and smiled.

“Cassie’s hungry too!”

“Okay, Sam. It will be done in a minute.” Freddie was making lasagna and it smelled really good. I stood up and walked into the kitchen.

“So I have exactly one minute.” He turned around and I kissed him, running my fingers through his hair. He chuckled.

“Enough. Dinner first.”

“I say we wait on dinner.” I kissed him again. He pushed me away gently.

“I say you’re 27 weeks pregnant and you need to feed yourself and Cassie.”

“I say we can eat every single day the rest of our lives but in 13 very short weeks or less we’re going to be busy on baby duty.”

“Sam,” he warned.

“You are so lame, Fredwardio.”

“Only to you.” He pulled the lasagna out of the oven and set it on the stove.

“Come on, baby, we have time while it cools down.”

“Stop, Sam.”

“Freddie, you know you can’t say no all night.” He turned and smirked.

“I don’t intend to say no all night. Just right now.” He pulled two plates out of the cupboard and two forks out of the drawer and walked to the table.

“Or you can stop saying no right now and we can have the rest of the night to just hang out.” He turned back to me and kissed me. I moved closer to him and then he pushed me away gently.

“Now hush.” He turned back to the table and I groaned.

“Tease.” I mumbled and sat in a chair.

“Mmhmm.” He chuckled.

“It’s not funny.”

“I think it’s pretty funny.” He walked back into the kitchen and grabbed the lasagna.

“Why do you always make so much food?” I was in a bad mood now.

“Because you always eat so much food.” I glared at him.

“Stop calling me fat.” Freddie rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t call you fat. Quit being so sensitive about everything.”

“Watch it, Benson.”

“I thought you were over the mood swings part of your pregnancy.” He started laughing and I shot him another look. He quietly sat down.

“Good idea, Fredward.”

“Oh just stop. You know I’m just joking with you.”

“It’s not funny. You don’t know what it’s like to feel like a giant blimp every single day.”

“Okay, Sam. You are not that big.” Freddie snipped. I groaned again and stood up.

“Do you NOT see this?” I pointed to my stomach. Freddie stood up and walked over to me, putting his hands on my waist.

“No, generally when I look at you I see you, not your stomach. Not everyone focuses on the fact that you’re pregnant all the time, babe. And besides, why do you always have to think so low of yourself? I’m pretty convinced that the only thing in your stomach is Cassie and once you have her you’re going to look just like you did before you got pregnant. But it doesn’t even matter, because whether you’re pregnant or not, 20 pounds or 200 pounds, severely burned, whatever, you’re always going to be beautiful to me. Now will you please just sit down and eat? You said you were hungry and I have to keep you and Cassie happy and healthy.” He kissed the top of my head and hugged me.

“Fine. You win. This time.” We sat back down and he chuckled.

“I win every time.”

“No, half the time I just let you think you’re winning when really you just agreed to whatever I wanted in the first place.”

“Crazy woman.”

“Crazy man.”

X

*Three weeks later*

Every single time I tried to move I got tired. I couldn’t believe I still had ten weeks of this.

“Sam! Come on! Let’s go! My mom’s waiting!” Freddie yelled.

“Because that’s going to make me move faster!” I hollered back. Like it was my dream to go see his mother.

“Sam!”

“I’m coming!” I screamed.

“Not fast enough!”

“You wanna be pregnant? I’ll trade with you!” I walked towards the door and he stopped me.

“Come on, baby, don’t be in a bad mood.”

“Don’t make me go to your moms.”

“Sam—“

“Yeah, yeah, yeah I know.” I opened the door and walked out to the car.

“Can you at least pretend to be happy?” Freddie asked me. I shook my head.

“Come on. I just want to have a good day.” I opened the car door and got in. Freddie did the same and we left the apartment.

“Babe. I know you didn’t sleep last night but I don’t want to see you pouting all day.”

“We’re going to your mom’s house. What am I supposed to be happy about?”

“You’re with me. We’re having a baby. The sun is shining and spring is just around the corner. Take your pick.” I groaned and leaned against the window. He pushed the hair out of my face.

“Hey,” he whispered. I rolled my eyes and looked at him.

“What?”

“Usted es la razón por la que el sol brilla en la mañana.” I smiled. Leave it to Freddie.

“Eres un nudo” Freddie laughed.

“Que se enamoró de este nudo”

“en realidad”

“Why are we speaking in spanish?” he asked. I shrugged.

“You started it.” I said. He smiled.

“Come on, babe. We’re here.” I looked out the window and sighed. I got out of the car and Freddie took my hand. I groaned.

“Don’t make me start speaking spanish again.” I shook my head as we approached his moms apartment. Freddie knocked on the door. Nobody answered, so he opened the door and the lights were off. Freddie flipped them on.

“Surprise!” I looked around the room. Carly was standing closest to the door and Mrs. Benson was across the room. The room was filled with random girls I had never met.

“What the hell is this?”

“It’s your surprise baby shower.” Carly jumped in the air and took my hands. I looked back at Freddie who had a smile on his face. Carly sat me on the couch and looked around.

“So?”

“I told you I didn’t want a baby shower.”

“Come on, Sam. It’s going to be fun.” Carly looked sad so I smiled and decided to give it a chance.

“Okay, fine. But Freddie stays.” I said. Freddie shook his head.

“No way, I’m going to hang out with Spencer while you have your baby shower.”

“Your baby too, Freddio.”

“You’re the pregnant one.”

“Okay, enough. Bye Freddie.” I glared at Carly who gave me a look.

“Hey, Sam.” I looked back at him.

“What?”

“Te amo.” He smiled.

“Te amo, también” I winked. Freddie walked out the door and shut it behind him.

“Okay, Sam. Why don’t you tell everyone what you’re having.”

“I’m sure you already did that.”

“Do it anyway.” I sighed. This was not what I had planned on being stuck doing.

“Well, I’m having a baby.”

“Sam!”

“A girl. Cassie.” I stared at Carly.

“Yay! Okay let’s play some games.” This was so stupid and I couldn’t believe Freddie had ditched me.

“The first game is a word jumble. Try to figure out what the words are. The person who gets the most correct wins a prize. Don’t flip over the paper until we say go. After we say go you’ll have three minutes.” Carly started handing out the papers and Mrs. Benson sat next to me.

“Hey, I know you said you didn’t want a baby shower, but I really wanted to do something nice for you and Cassie. I’m hoping you manage to have some fun here. We were very careful with the invite list. All of these girls are daughters of my friends. They all live out of town so they don’t know anything that happened. No judgement here. As far as they know you’re just my daughter-in-law and you and my son are having a baby.” Before I knew what I was doing I hugged her. It wasn’t nearly as awkward as I thought it would be.

“Thank you.” I mumbled.

“You’re welcome.” She whispered. It was weird. I had never had any sort of relationship with Freddie’s mom. I didn’t like her and she didn’t like me. But she was being more of a mother to me than my own mother had ever been. I heard the door open and turned.

“I knew I would be late!” I stared at my own face looking back at me. I got off the couch and almost knocked her over.

“Melanie! What are you doing here?” she laughed.

“You didn’t think I’d miss my sisters baby shower did you?”

“Well, I wasn’t even aware I was having a baby shower. Oh my God! I can’t believe you came here all the way from Florida!”

“Of course I did! I had to see you at least once before you had Cassie!” she dropped her coat and purse on the floor and followed me to the couch.

“Hey! Freddie should be able to tell us apart now.” I laughed. Melanie joined in. Carly handed Melanie a paper and then me.

“Okay. Ready? GO!” she clicked something on her stopwatch and I just stared at the paper. This was stupid, and now that Mel was here I didn’t care about it anymore.

“Sam, stop being so lame!” Melanie whispered. I shrugged and started drawing on the paper. I wanted to be with Freddie, not de-jumbling words on a piece of paper.

“Okay and stop!” Carly clicked her stopwatch again. She started rambling the words off and I ignored her. This was stupid. Some random chick unscrambled them all and it reminded me of the phrase always a bridesmaid never a bride. She must have been to a million of these things.

“Okay, now we have a memory game. We’re going to walk around with a tray of ítems and we’ll give everyone fifteen seconds to look at the ítems. After that we’ll give you two minutes to write as many ítems as you can remember on the back of your word scramble paper.” I rolled my eyes.

“Will you at least try to appreciate what Carly and Mrs. Benson are doing for you?” Melanie snapped. I stared at her.

“I didn’t want a baby shower.”

“Yes you did, you just didn’t want a bunch of people judging you at a baby shower. Come on, Sam. They put a lot of time into this.”

“Fine.” Carly brought out a giant tray of baby things. After looking at them for awhile I realized I had every single one of those things in Cassie’s room. She walked around with the tray and all the girls looked for a long time, mouthing things to themselves. Someone tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around. Mrs. Benson had a paper plate full of food and she handed it to me.

“Oh my God, you are the best mother-in-law ever.” I was so hugry it wasn’t funny. I could probably eat 24 hours a day and still be hungry. Cassie took all of it.

“Okay, are we ready?” everyone nodded and Carly held up her stopwatch again.

“Go!” she clicked the button again. It was basic stuff. Bottle, rattle, bib, socks. I almost felt guilty because I knew none of the other girls would have any idea what half the things were. That was the benefit of going shopping early on in the pregnancy. I stopped writing and watched everyone else. I had to admit that it was great knowing none of these girls had any history on me.

“Okay, everyone put your pencils down.” Carly clicked her button again. She went through the list of ítems and then asked who had the most. I did, of course. I had seen these things a hundred times a day for months.

“I don’t need anything, though. Just hand it off. Is anyone here named Cassie?” I asked Carly. She shook her head.

“No.”

“Julianne?”

“Yeah, there’s one here named Julianne.”

“Then give it to her. Trust me. I think I have everything I could ever need.” She shrugged and handed off a small box to a tall girl with red hair.

“Okay, we have one more game,” Mrs. Benson brought a box full of diapers out, “we melted candy bars into the diapers. You have to guess what candy bar is in your diaper.” I laughed.

“That sounds messy.”

“You can’t taste it or touch it. You can only look at it and smell it.” She looked right at me.

“Okay, okay.” She started handing diapers to people. This actually sounded like fun. I looked at Melanie and she laughed.

“This is your kind of game, Sam. Don’t expect Cassie’s diapers to look like that, though.”

“Oh, I’m not changing diapers. That’s Freddie’s job.” I laughed. She shook her head and Carly approached us.

“Follow the rules, Sam.”

“Sure.” She walked back to the front of the room and watched.

“When you think you know raise your hand and I’ll come over.” I saw a bunch of girls raise their hands quickly and Carly mingled with them. I looked at Melanie and we laughed.

“We could totally psych Freddie out with these.” I whispered. Carly gave me a look and I straightened up.

“It would be funny.” Melanie and I laughed again and Carly stood right in front of us.

“Got any guesses?” she asked.

“No. But don’t you think it would hilarious to psych Freddie out with these? Like start licking the chocolate out of the diapers when he gets  back here.”

“Sam, that’s not nice.”

“But wouldn’t it be funny?”

“Yes. Kind of.” I smelled the diaper.

“Seriously, what is this crap?” I stopped for a minute and then Melanie, Carly and I started laughing again.

“Nice pun, Sam.”

“I try.”

“Okay guys, I’m going to read these off. Numbers 1-5 are Hershey chocolate 6-11 are snickers 12-16 are peppermint patties and 17-20 are kit kat bars. Now before we continue and do all this gift giving stuff I think it would be nice for everyone to introduce themselves.” Everyone nodded and looked around. I only knew Carly, Melanie and Mrs. Benson.

“I’m Carly, Sam’s my best friend and Cassie’s going to be my Goddaughter.” She looked at Mrs. Benson.

“I’m Marissa Benson, I’m Freddie’s mom and Sam’s mother-in-law and Cassie’s grandma.” I hated introductions, but at least if I had to do it I could make it interesting.

“They call me Sam, most of the time. I’m like, really pregnant. Cassie’s my daughter. Freddie’s my husband. I’ve been married three years but I’ve been with Freddie forever. I’m not a social person so sorry.” We went around the room. Anna, Carson, Miah, Julianne. It was getting boring, but it was also nice to know everyone’s name. There was a knock on the door and Freddie walked in again.

“Are you guys done yet?”

“No, but you can stay.” Carly said.

“I don’t want to stay.” He complained.

“Yes, you do. Sit.” I demanded. He smiled.

“Okay. Just for you.” He sat next to me and put his arm around me.

“Are you at least having fun?”

“A little. I think it would have been better if you had stuck around.”

“Hey, this is for girls.”

“No, it’s for Cassie. Cassie’s yours too.”

“Alright, babe. You already won.” He waved to Melanie.

“I’m tired.” I mumbled and leaned against him.

“Just relax. This should be done soon.” He rubbed my arm.

“Okay guys, we’re going to start opening gifts now.” Carly announced. I wasn’t excited for this. I usually was excited about presents, but I had probably gotten everything these girls could think to give Cassie.

And I was wrong once again.

Carly must have snooped around and made a list of everything that we had because there wasn’t a single gift we opened that we already had. The random girls started leaving and we started cleaning up.

“I’m impressed, Shay. You actually pulled this together nicely.” She smiled at me.

“I’m glad you had fun.”

“Yes, more fun than I thought it would be. But watch this.” I picked up one of the diapers and waved Melanie over.

“Ready for this?”

“Yup.”

“Hey Melanie,” I spoke loudly to get Freddie’s attention, “I wonder what the heck this is.” I started smelling the chocolate. Then I licked it and in two seconds it was out of my hand.

“That’s disgusting, Sam!” we started laughing and Freddie looked at us like we were crazy. I snatched the diaper back from him and threw it in the garbage bag.

“Relax, Fredweird. It’s just chocolate.” He looked at Carly.

“Who melts chocolate in a diaper?” he asked. He was obviously still disgusted.

“It was a game.” Carly shrugged. She tied off the garbage bag and we looked around. It hadn’t taken too long to clean up from the surprise baby shower.

“Ready to go, babe?” Freddie took my hand and I nodded.

“Very.” I put my free hand on my stomach. Mrs. Benson hugged me.

“I’m glad you had fun, Sam.” She rubbed my back a bit and then hugged Freddie.

“I love you,” she told him. He nodded.

“I love you, too, mom. Thanks for putting this together.” She touched his face in a maternal way and we left.

“You look exhausted.” He pointed out as he drove off. I nodded.

“I am. It’s hard to sleep with Cassie moving around and then trying to do anything with a baby in your stomach is next to impossible.” I leaned against the window and Freddie took my hand again.

“Well when we get back you can take a nap.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I closed my eyes. I couldn’t wait to have Cassie out of me. I was so sick of being pregnant. Freddie pulled up to the apartment building and I jumped out of the car. It sounded so nice to  be in bed. We took the elevator up to our apartment and he unlocked the door. I walked straight to the bedroom, not even bothering to take off my shoes or coat. I fell into bed and just closed my eyes.

“Come on, Sam. You can sleep in a minute. He pulled me up and took my coat off.

“No more surprises. They make me more tired and I usually am.” I yawned.

“Only ten more weeks, babe. Then she’ll be screaming all night instead of kicking.” I kicked my shoes off and layed in bed.

“Come lay with me.” I whined. He shook his head.

“Sorry, babe. I’m going to bring everything upstairs and put it away. Just go to sleep. I love you.”

“Mmhmm.” I was to tired to argue, so I just fell asleep.


	43. Chapter 43

“Augh!” I groaned. Freddie was on the phone and I was very tired. I couldn’t stand being pregnant anymore. I was laying on the couch and my hands were on my stomach. Freddie looked at me and sighed.

“Yup, okay. We’ll be there in an hour.” I heard him say. I closed my eyes. I was not going anywhere today. Freddie hung up the phone and walked over to me.

“Come on babe, get up, take a shower, get dressed.” He brushed my face with the back of his hand.

“No.” I whined.

“Come on, Sam. We’re going to take pictures today before Cassie is born. I’m not letting you make us late. Please?”

“Why do we have to take pictures?” I half sat up.

“Because, we need pictures of just the two of us. Besides, you wanted pregnancy pictures remember?”

“Fine, but you get a haircut first. You look like a girl. Help me.” He picked me up and set me on the floor.

“Okay, you go take a shower and I’ll go get a haircut.”

“Babe,” I whined.

“Come on, we only have an hour. Let’s go.” I groaned again and walked to the bathroom. I heard the door close behind me.

“Cassie, you’re not very nice to mommy.” I shut the bathroom door and turned the water on. I was hoping this shower woke me up. I let the water run over me for a minute like I always do. Hot water. Steam. It was very relaxing.

I must have been in the shower for a long time because Freddie started banging on the door.

“Sam! We’re going to be late! How do you even have hot water left? You’ve been in there for 35 minutes!” I shut the water off and sighed. Freddie ruins everything.  I got out of the shower and opened the door.

“I don’t wanna go.”

“Too bad, now come on.” He handed me a pile of clothes and smiled. He walked out to the livingroom and I got dressed slowly.

“Come on, Sam. We don’t have all day.” I dried my hair and walked out of the bathroom.

“You try being pregnant.”

“Come on, babe, you only have six more weeks.” He opened the door and we went down to the car.

“I can’t believe she’ll be here in six weeks or less.” I mumbled. Freddie smiled.

“Excited?” he asked.

“Nervous.” I sighed.

“Me, too.” He smiled.

“What are you nervous about? You don’t have to give birth to her.”

“No. But I have to deal with YOU giving birth to her. And that could be worse.” I rolled my eyes and leaned against the window.

“No. You are not allowed to be in a bad mood.”

“You are not allowed to drag me out of the house when I’m 33 weeks pregnant.”

“Oh, whatever. Come on. We’re here.” I looked out the window and saw a small portrait studio. I opened the door and followed Freddie inside.

“Hey. You must be Freddie and Sam,” a girl, about our age, approached us, “I’m Elizabeth.” She shook hands with Freddie and I just stared at her. I hated her. She smiled at me and led us to an open area.

“We’ll take your pictures over here. Sam, I want to start with you. Then we can take pictures of both you and Freddie.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” I brushed her off.

“Sam,” Freddie warned.

“Freddie,” I mocked. Elizabeth started turning me this way and that way and Freddie just smiled. Every few minutes she would take a picture. She was just a little too happy today and she didn’t seem to get how tired I already was. She went on and on and on and on for a half an hour before I stopped here.

“Listen here, lady. I’m six weeks away from popping. Momma needs to sit down.” Elizabeth laughed and I walked over to Freddie and sat next to him.

“Babe, you should be nicer to her.” Freddie started.

“Have you seen the way she keeps looking at you?” we both looked over at her and she quickly looked away.

“Sam, she’s not doing anything.”

“Yeah. Right. You aren’t even watching her.”

“No, you’re right. I’m not watching her. I’m watching you. Because you look so gorgeous when you smile.”

“Whatever, Fredweird.” I threw a wrapper at him.

“Come on, let’s finish these up so we can go home.” He stood up and pulled me up.

“Okay, if you guys want to come over here. Freddie, stand behind Sam and put your hands on her stomach. There you go.” She took a picture and then walked over to us and started moving Freddie’s hands around.

“Hey. Back.” I warned. Freddie groaned.

“Sam, knock it off.”

“Hey if you want to be—“ he put his hand over my mouth.

“Shush.” He moved his hand and I stood there. Elizabeth looked at me for a minute and then started moving Freddie’s hands around again. I wanted to leave. Freddie was a complete idiot for hiring a woman to do these pictures. Freddie leaned closer to my ear.

“Chica loca, usted debe saber que sólo tengo ojos para ti.”

“Dejar de hablar español para mí, no va a hacerme más feliz. Tal vez no debería haber contratado a un idiota caliente.” Freddie rolled his eyes.

“Yo no la contratan porque ella es caliente, toma buenas fotos.”

“Sure, Freddie. Whatever.”

“At least pretend to have a good time.” He complained.  I faked a laugh.

“Ha ha ha! Oh my God! This is so much fun!” she took a few more pictures of us and we left.

“Sam, why can’t you go through ONE day without trying to ruin everything I’m trying to do for you?”

“Hey! If it was some guy you would totally do the same thing!”

“No! I wouldn’t! It’s all professional!”

“Whatever!” I got in the car and slammed the door shut. Freddie walked to the driver’s side and started the car.

“That was really mature, Sam.”

“Just shut up.”

“Yup, keep going. See how far that gets you.”

“Keep threatning me, Freddie, I can keep Cassie away from you.” It was silent in the car and I realized I had gone too far. Stupid me. Never thinking before I talk.

“I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t mean that.” Freddie ignored me and continued to drive. I leaned against the window. The rest of the ride was silent. He pulled up to the apartment building and threw his door open. I sighed as he slammed it shut and got out of the car.

“Freddie,” I grabbed his arm. He ripped it away from me and walked into the building. He wouldn’t even look at me. He slammed the apartment door open.

“I already said I’m sorry what else do you want from me? God!” he whipped around.

“I’ve done EVERYTHING for you! I work 12 hour days to give you everything you want! I ignore most of your stupid remarks. I cook for you! I take you nice places! I plan nice things for you! I paid to have your sister flown up here to go to YOUR baby shower that Carly, my mom and I planned for you! I took you to get pictures taken today because YOU said you wanted them! I forgive you every single time you do something stupid! I bought every single thing in Cassie’s room, painted it, moved things around a hundred times FOR YOU! And for what? For you to open your big mouth and say WHATEVER you want! You always think you can do and say whatever you want because you know I don’t want to sit and fight with you every single day but you can’t! And you know what? If you want to play that game, then let’s remember something. I have a job, you don’t. I have provided everything for Cassie. So try to take her away from me, you will NOT win.”

“Freddie, I didn’t mean that!”

“You don’t appreciate ANYTHING!”

“Yes I do!”

“No! You don’t! You take advantage of everything I do for you! Do you even realize that any other guy in the entire world would have just walked away?” He was right. He was always right. I was more than lucky to have Freddie in my life and I was always on the verge of throwing it all away.

“I’m sorry.” I mumbled. He sighed and walked over to me.

“I just wish you would stop being in a bad mood every single day. I get you’re tired and on edge because you just want to get Cassie out of you but if I’m going to try to do nice things for you the least you could do is act like you care.”

“I do care.” He hugged me.

“I know. It would just be nice to hear it more.”

“I’m sorry. Thank you for taking me to get pictures done today.” He rubbed my back.

“you’re welcome, babe.”

X

*three weeks later*

Freddie was hanging the pictures up around the apartment while I sat on the couch. I wanted to help, but I was so exhausted. I rubbed my hand up and down on my stomach.

“Will you just come out already?” This whole pregnancy thing was very annoying. Freddie turned around and looked at me.

“What did you say?” he asked.

“I told Cassie she should just come out already.”

“Not for a few more weeks.”

“I never want to be pregnant again!” I groaned. Freddie chuckled and turned back to the wall.

“You’ll be very happy when she’s born.”

“Yes, I will. I won’t have to lug her around in my stomach anymore.” Freddie looked at his watch and then walked over to me.

“Come on, babe.” We had another doctor’s appointment today. After this I would have to go once a week to keep up with what’s going on with Cassie. I groaned again and Freddie took my hands and pulled me up.

“This is insane! I can barely walk with her in there. And my back is killing me!”

“I know, babe. Only four more weeks.” He opened the door for me and followed me out.

“I can’t believe I still have an entire month of this!” we stepped into the elevator and Freddie laughed.

“It could be worse.”

“Doubtful.” The doors on the elevator opened again and we walked to the front of the apartment building. Freddie held that door open and then ran to the car to open the car door as well. He really didn’t need to be so anxious, I could barely walk let alone run to the car. He helped me into the car, got in on the driver’s side and pulled away from the apartment building. I shifted in my seat and put my hand on my stomach.

“What’s up?” he asked. I shook my head.

“She’s, like, in my ribcage.” I shifted again. Freddie kept turning his gaze from me to the road and then back to me.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Just hurts. Especially when she keeps kicking me.” He put his hand on my stomach.

“That doesn’t help, Freddie!” I snapped. Cassie was definitally my child. Vicious. Freddie pulled up to the doctor’s office and checked in. The nurse kept looking at me as I walked around. I probably looked pretty stupid, but I couldn’t sit down. I couldn’t get comfortable no matter what I did.

“Sam, come on. The appointment before us was cancelled.” He took my hand and led me back into the hallway leading to the rooms. Janet was waiting for us.

“You look miserable.”

“Cassie’s in my ribcage. Is that normal?”

“Very. The more she grows the less room she has.” I stepped on the scale and she wrote on her clipboard and gave me the cup.

“Only a month left, Sam.” She smiled as I waddled away. I was ready to look normal again. Freddie gave me a sympathetic look before I shut the door.

I brought the cup back to her and we walked back into a room.

“Alright, you know the drill.” I layed back on the table.

“I’m never going to get back up.” I whined. The nurse started feeling me up and it felt weird. Freddie was standing next to me and pushed the hair out of my face.

“You don’t have to just yet.” She grabbed the blood pressure cuff and put it on my arm.

“So have you guys talking about delivery? Who’s going to be in the room, who you’re going to talk to, anything like that?”

“Nope.” The cuff was tight on my arm and I groaned. As if having Cassie beat me up wasn’t bad enough. She released the air in the cuff.

“Okay, well we should talk about delivery a little bit. Maybe do a bit of a roll play. Freddie? I want you to take her hand and kind of hold it up at a 90 degree angle. She’ll probably be squeezing your hand a lot, especially when she’s pushing.”

“Joy. Don’t break my hand, Sam.” He smirked. I glared at him.

“I’m about to break your face if you don’t stop making jokes.” The nurse laughed.

“Okay, Sam? We’re going to practice breathing. That’s the most important thing you can do when you’re in labor. Screaming isn’t going to help push the baby out. So take a deep breath in,” she inhaled and I mimicked her, “and then let it out slowly.” She exhaled and I did the same.

“She’s not going to remember that when she’s in pain.” Freddie laughed. I squeezed his hand and his face changed.

“Okay, you win. I’m sorry.” I loosened my grip.

“Good boy.” I said. The nurse laughed again.

“Now, when you’re pushing your going to push out your bottom, like your having a bowel movement.”

“That’s disgusting!” I yelled. Freddie laughed.

“It’s not uncommon for women to actually have a bowel movement while they’re giving birth.”

“Gross!”

“Sam, it’s not that big of a deal.” Freddie laughed.

“Yeah it is.”

“Anyway, we aren’t going to tell you and you’re probably not going to be able to tell if you get any sort of pain relief. Even if you do notice you won’t care after you’re holding your baby. Now, we give the parents the choice. The father can either stand where Freddie is standing and hold your hand or he can stand down here,” she pulled him down towards my legs, “and hold one of your feet.”

“Uh, yeah he’s staying up here.” The nurse laughed.

“That’s what a lot of mom’s say, but then dads say…” she looked at Freddie.

“What’s the difference?”

“The difference is down there you’re looking at my vag while she’s coming out of it which is DISGUSTING and up here you’re not.” Freddie laughed again.

“Like it matters, Sam.”

“It matters to me.”

“Fine.”

“Okay, you can sit up now, Sam.” The nurse said. Freddie grabbed my arm and helped me up.

“Now, you’re only four weeks away from your due date so you might start having what we call braxton hicks contractions. It’s false labor. Of course, we want you to keep track of your contractions, keep a journal of how far apart they are. Also, continue to keep track of Cassie’s movements. You don’t have to rush in here as soon as your water breaks. It can be hours before you start really going into labor after your water breaks. We want you to have 3-5 minutes between your contractions before you come in here.” I nodded.

“Alright, you are free to go.” Freddie helped me off the table and we walked out of the room.

“See, you’re almost done.”

“Feels like forever!”

“It’s not. Once you’re in the hospital room actually holding her it will feel like time flew by.” He kissed me.

“Yeah, I guess.” He took my hand and we walked out of the hospital.


	44. Chapter 44

Carly and I were sitting on the couch and Freddie was hanging out with Spencer in the kitchen. They were talking about computer junk and sculptures. I was in a very bad mood. Apparently when the nurse told us about Braxton Hicks contractions it was a cue for them to start. Carly looked freaked out even though I told her it was nothing.

“Does it hurt?” she asked for the millionth time.

“No, not at all. It feels like a splatter of sunshine. Of course it hurts!”

“Are you sure you’re not, like, really going into labor?”

“I’m sure, Carly. I’m sure they’d be more intense if I was.”

“Okay…” she still didn’t believe me.

“What’s Carly going on about?” Freddie turned to us.

“The stupid Braxton Hicks contractions.” I gritted my teeth again. This was not how I planned out the end of my pregnancy. Freddie jumped off the chair and walked over to me.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were having them again?”

“Because, they aren’t real contractions.”

“Sam! You heard what the nurse said last week at your appointment. We’re supposed to keep up with EVERY contraction. Real or not.”

“Oh, who cares what she said?” I didn’t want to talk to anybody. Every time I opened my mouth I felt like screaming. Who in their right mind would try for this?

“You should. Your due date is only two weeks away. You could go into labor at any time, Sam, and if you aren’t keeping up with the contractions you have no way of knowing how far apart they are if you DO go into labor.”

“Fine! Whatever! Just shut up!” I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing for this to just stop. I could feel all three of them staring at me.

“How long has this been going on?” Freddie asked. I ignored him.

“Like, 15 minutes.” Carly answered. The contractions got less intense and I took a deep breath.

“Sam, you better start telling me about this stuff.”

“Yes. Because the first thing on my mind when it happens is ‘oh, I should go tell Freddie.’” He rolled his eyes at me.

“I mean it, Samantha.”

“Fine, fine. Whatever.” I put my hand on my stomach. It was so sick of being pregnant. I just wanted to hold my baby.

“I’m hungry.” I said.

“Well what do you want to eat?” Freddie asked me. I shrugged.

“I don’t know. Oh! I want some grapes!”

“Grapes?”

“Yeah, and mustard.”

“Grapes and mustard?”

“Yes. That’s what I said.” I just wanted one minute where someone wasn’t arguing with me. Just give me what I wanted.

“Are you serious?” Carly asked me.

“Fine! I’ll get it myself then.” I braced my hand on the arm of the couch.

“No, no. Just stay there. I’ll get you your grapes and, uh, mustard.” Freddie said. I knew they all thought it was weird, but it sounded so good. Freddie opened the fridge and started digging around.

“Grapes and mustard?” I heard Spencer whisper.

“Hey, if it makes her happy.” Freddie whispered back. He brought a bowl of grapes and a bottle of mustard to me.

“Happy?”

“Very.” I smiled at him and motioned him to come closer. I kissed him.

“Thank you.” I said. He smiled.

“You’re welcome, baby.” He kissed me again, and again, and again.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Carly said. I waved her away. She grabbed my hand and yanked on it.

“Ow!” I turned and looked at her.

“Enough.” She warned. I rolled my eyes.

“You’re no fun, Carly Shay.”

“Mmhmm, I know that. You tell me all the time.”

“You know, sex is supposed to jump start labor.” I laughed. Carly rolled her eyes and opened a magazine.

“So does drinking castor oil.” She smirked. I shook my head at her and Freddie laughed. He walked back over to the counter to hang out with Spencer again.

“You know, you always seem to interrupt us.” I laughed. She smiled.

“It’s my job.”

“I thought it was your job to make sure we didn’t kill each other.”

“That too.” She said. I put a few grapes in my mouth and then squirted mustard into my mouth. It was just as good as I thought it would. Carly looked at me like I was a caveman.

“What?”

“That is absolutely disgusting!”

“To you.”

“To EVERYONE. Fruit and mustard do not go together, Sam.”

“They do to me.” I repeated the process with another disapproving look from Carly.

“I don’t get you sometimes.” She mumbled.

“Did you see the giant baby bump?”

“Yes. Many times.”

“She’s the one that wants it, not me.”

“Oh, don’t blame Cassie for your weird eating habits.” She flipped a page in the magazine.

“Augh!” I groaned. Stupid contractions.

“What’s up?” Freddie turned to me again.

“Those stupid—“ I gritted my teeth again. If I didn’t love Cassie I would have asked God to strike me with lightning right at that moment. Freddie came over and kneeled next to me.

“Remember what Janet said, breathe in—“

“Oh! Fuck what Janet said!” I snapped. Freddie sighed and touched my arm.

“Don’t touch me! God!” I screamed. He ignored me and pulled me off of the couch.

“Come on,”

“I swear to God if you don’t get off of me and leave me alone I’m going to throw you out the window.” I growled. Freddie looked at Carly.

“We’ll see you guys later.” He said. Carly stood up and she and Spencer walked out. I pressed my lips together, ignoring the scream that was lodged in my throat.

“Come on, baby. I’ll fill the tub up and you can hang out in there.”

“That is NOT going to help!”

“Yes it will.”

“Yeah, maybe if I can drown you in it!”

“I love you, too, Sam.” He said.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.” I stopped him as he started pulling me to the bathroom.

“What?” he turned around. I took a deep breath.

“I think they’re stopping.” I sighed. He wiped tears off of my face.

“I wish I could do this part for you, babe.” Freddie said. I shook my head.

“It’s not that big of a deal, just new.”

“Sam, you’re crying. Obviously it’s a big deal.”

“Well, yeah. I didn’t say it was pleasant. I said it’s not that big of a deal. It’s worth it to see her face. Even if I have to go through all this fake stuff first.” Freddie smiled and kissed me.

“I’m so excited.” He said. I smiled at him.

“Me too. I can’t wait to meet her.” I put my hands on my stomach and looked down.

“She’s going to be so small.” Freddie mumbled. I chuckled.

“Maybe to you. To me she seems huge.”

“That’s not just baby, though. It’s all the stuff she’s in and whatever.”

“I know. I wish I could just have her already.”

“Don’t rush it. The sooner you have her the sooner she’ll be keeping us up all night.”

“She already keeps ME up all night.”

“Two more weeks, babe.”

“I know. I don’t know, I guess I’m just sick of being pregnant. Plus I want to hold her and look at her instead of trying to imagine what she looks like.”

“Soon.”

“Not soon enough. I feel huge.”

“You’re not.” He smirked. I laughed.

“Says you.”

“Knows me.” He hugged me.

“I love you.” He whispered. I nodded.

“I’m sorry.” I said. He shook his head.

“I don’t expect you to apologize, honey.”

“I’m going to anyway.”

“Whatever makes you happy.”

“What would make me happy is sleep.” I yawned. Freddie nodded.

“Okay, let’s go.” We walked into our room and I sat on the bed.

“What’s wrong, Sam?”

“Nothing. Just trying to figure out how I’m going to sleep since no matter what I do I can’t get comfortable.”

“Have you been using that maternity pillow?” he asked. I nodded.

“Yup, and it works sometimes, but sometimes it just gets in the way.”

“Well, maybe if we turn on some of that weird music Carly bought you it will help you relax.” He walked over to me.

“Yeah, maybe.” Freddie walked over to the stereo and turned it on. Carly had bought me some Indian CD. It was some dude playing a flute and it was very calm and quiet. She had bought it for me before I got married. I was so stressed out during that time. Freddie turned the CD on and I layed down. It was hard to concentrate when I couldn’t do anything to get comfortable. Freddie layed next to me.

“Better?”

“No. Ugh. I can’t do anything with this big belly.” Freddie kissed my forehead.

“Well, just listen to the music and maybe it will slip your mind.” I took a deep breath and tried to zone out. Freddie rubbed circles on my back. It was so easy to fall asleep when he was doing that.

“Sleep well, baby.” He whispered. For once I fell asleep with no problems.

X

I woke up at noon and shook Freddie.

“What’s wrong?” he mumbled and rubbed his eyes.

“Something doesn’t feel right.” My heart was racing. Something was very wrong.

“What do you mean?” he sat straight up.

“Something’s not right. We need to go to the hospital.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m very sure.” I couldn’t breathe. Something was wrong with Cassie. I just knew it. Freddie jumped out of bed and then helped me up. He walked me to the door, grabbed the keys, and met me at the elevator. The elevator was too slow and I was too nervous. We walked outside and got in the car and Freddie sped off.

X

Freddie and I walked into the hospital. I was scared. I didn’t know what was going on but I knew it couldn’t be good. Freddie was panicking more than I was.

“Is Janet here?” he asked the receptionist. Janet turned around and looked at me. The look she had on her face scared me more than not knowing what was going on with my baby.

“What’s wrong?” she walked over to me.

“I don’t know. But something’s not right.” I shook my head and I could feel the tears forming.

“Come on, Sam.” She took my hand and we walked back into a room. She hooked me up to a bunch of machines and paged the doctor.

“What’s going on?” I felt like my heart was about to beat right out of my chest.

“That’s what we’re going to find out.” She put an I.V. in my arm and a doctor walked into the room. There were a ton of people here.

“Call Carly.” I told Freddie. He nodded and ran off.

“What the hell is going on?” I asked Janet. She shook her head.

“Just relax, Sam, we’re going to take care of everything.”

“How can I relax when I don’t know what’s going on?” I screamed. Freddie came back into the room and took my hand.

“Carly’s on her way. When she and Spencer get here I want them up here.” She told Janet. She nodded and sent one of the nurses to watch for them.

“Freddie…” he leaned closer to me.

“Don’t worry, baby, it’s all going to be fine.” He put his hand on my face and I nodded.

“Okay.” He kissed me. The whole room was chaos and the more nurses that entered the more scared I got. Please let Cassie be okay. I couldn’t stand to think of her being hurt.

“Sam!” I turned and saw Carly run in. She stood next to Freddie. Spencer followed behind her but stood in the corner of the room.

“Okay, I’m going to need you to go over there please. I need to be able to get to her.” The doctor told Carly. Carly rubbed my arm and walked over to Spencer.

My heart was racing and I was about to have a panic attack.

“Freddie, Cassie’s okay right?”

“I don’t know, honey.”

God, please make sure she’s okay.


	45. Chapter 45

They put the Doppler on my stomach and I waited. I waited and waited and waited and nothing happened. No sound came out. I squeezed Freddie’s hand. Where was Cassie’s heartbeat? The doctor moved the Doppler and set it to the side. With a sigh he turned to us.

“Sam. Freddie. There’s no easy way to say this,” I looked at Carly. No. This wasn’t happening, “Cassie’s heart isn’t beating anymore. She may be a stillborn. You’ll have to give birth to her before we can officially say but the chances of her being alive are very slim.” I shook my head.

“No….”

“I’m going to go get Janet quick. We need to get Cassie out right away.” The doctor walked away quickly and Freddie hugged me.

“Sam—“

“Freddie, please tell me this is a dream.”

“I’m so sorry, baby, I’m so sorry.” I could feel the tears trickle down my face. The doctor walked in followed by Janet and Freddie leaned towards my ear.

“Come on, Sam. You can do this. Let’s have a baby.” I shook my head, fresh tears falling.

“No, no, no. Freddie. No. I can’t.”

“Sam, you have to. Please. Just concentrate. Block out everything and everyone else and just do what you have to do.” He stood up as Janet spoke.

“Okay, Sam. You gotta push her out. Come on.” I was dying inside. That was my baby. How did they expect me to give birth to her when I couldn’t have her?

“No!”

“Sam!” Freddie was freaking out. I looked at him and shook my head.

“No, Freddie! Please don’t make me!” He put his hands on my face and looked me straight in the eyes.

“Please, Sam. You have to do this. For Cassie. I promise I will be here for you, baby. I promise. Don’t be scared.” I sobbed and continued to shake my head.

“No, no, no, no, no. I can’t, Freddie. I can’t.”

“You can. You have to. Please. Do it for her, Sam. Do it for our baby.” He put his forehead on mine.

“I can’t,” I cried. I couldn’t let her go. I wanted to keep her in my stomach forever. I couldn’t give her up. If I gave birth to her I would never see her again.

“Baby, you CAN do it. I promise. You have to do this. This is the only way you’re going to have any peace, Sam. You’re going to be so proud of yourself if you just do this. You’re going to be so happy that you gave her peace and yourself closure.”

“Freddie they’re going to take her away from me.”

“They have to, baby, they have to. They have to see if they can help her. The longer you keep fighting this the less chance she has of being helped.”

“Sam, I need you to push,” the nurse’s voice was urgent.

“Just don’t think about it, sweetheart, come on. For Cassie.” He pushed the hair out of my face and wiped the tears away.

“Come on, Sam.” Carly said. She was on the other side of me.

“Okay, Sam. Come on. Push your angel out.” Angel. That’s exactly what my baby girl was now. What I was giving birth to was a shell of my daughter. I zoned out and remembered her heartbeat, saw her face. If I couldn’t do it for me or for Freddie I could at least do it for her. She needed to be at peace.

On April 26 at 3:43 P.M. Cassie’s sweet face lit up my world. At 3:44 she was taken from me. At 3:45 I felt my heart shatter and my stomach drop. I screamed and grabbed my hair. My baby was gone. Freddie layed on the bed next to me and pulled me closer to him. I could hear him crying. Carly was rubbing my back and I could hear her crying as well. I couldn’t stop screaming.

“What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing, baby. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Freddie kissed my forehead.

“Freddie—“

“Shhh, babe.” He stroked my hair. I continued to scream and I could feel my lungs struggling to function. I couldn’t breathe.

Time passed slowly. Fifteen minutes felt like fifteen hours. Freddie, Carly and I anxiously waited. The doctor came in thirty minutes after Cassie was taken away.

“Carly, Spencer, I think it’s best if I talk to Sam and Freddie alone.”

“They stay.” Freddie demanded. Carly took my hand.

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this…” Carly started shaking her head and my heart raced.

“We tried everything, but we couldn’t bring her back.”

Carly moved closer to me and I buried my face in Freddie’s shirt again. I would never see her smile. I would never wake up to her sweet crying. I would never feel her heartbeat or rock her to sleep. Freddie moved and walked away. Spencer followed him to the other side of the room. Carly pulled me to her.

“I’m sorry, Sam. I’m so sorry.” I clung to her.

“Why, Carly?” I sobbed.

“I don’t know, Sam. I don’t know.”

“Bring her back…”

“I can’t, Sam. I wish I could.” I could still hear her crying.

“I just want my baby.” I didn’t know how Carly could understand me. I could barely understand myself.

“I know. I know.”

“Carly—“

“Sam.”

“What did I do wrong? What did I do to my baby?”

“Sam, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, Sam.”

 “I want my baby!” I cried.

“I know, honey, I know.” I was sure the whole hospital could hear me. Carly stood up and traded places with Spencer. She hugged Freddie and Spencer sat on the bed next to me and rubbed my back. I buried my face in my hands.

“Sam. You didn’t do anything to cause this. You did everything you were supposed to. Sometimes these things just happen.”

“God is punishing me for having sex with Brad. He took my baby to punish me.”

“No, Sam. No he didn’t. God isn’t punishing you.”

“I want to hold her. I want to see her.” Freddie walked back over to me and took my hand.

“Sam—“

“Please. I need to hold her.” I looked up at Freddie and Spencer walked out of the room.

“Sam you don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I do. I need to hold her. I need to see her.” Freddie kissed me.

“I love you so much, Sam. I love you.” I hugged him, refusing to let go.

“I love you,” he whispered. Spencer walked in followed by a nurse.

“Sam, are you sure you want to see her right now?” I nodded my head. The nurse looked back at the door. A younger looking nurse walked in carrying something wrapped in a pink blanket. I sat up straight and she handed Cassie to me.

If tears could bring a person back to life, Cassie would have took her first breath the moment she was handed to me. She was so perfect. She looked like she was sleeping. I stroked her cheek with my finger. Freddie had one arm around me and the other on his knee. He was looking down at Cassie. He touched her hair.

“Too beautiful for earth.” He whispered.

“She’s so small…” I mumbled. I looked up at Carly.

“Carly—“ she walked over to me and sat on the other side of the bed. She put her arm around my shoulder and just stared at Cassie.

“Sam, she’s gorgeous.”

“Yeah she is.” I kissed Cassie’s forehead, fresh tears falling.

“I love you, Cassie. Mommy loves you. So much.” I stared at her for a long time, and then turned to Freddie. He took Cassie from me and I turned, burying my face in Carly’s neck. She stroked my hair.

“Shhh, it’s okay Sam,” she whispered, “Cassie’s safe. She’s happy.”

“I just want her with us. With me and Freddie.”

“I know, but she’s always going to be with you in your heart. She’ll always be your baby. She’ll always be your precious little girl.” She whispered. I turned back to Freddie. He looked so natural. Every single emotion he was feeling was on his face, but he tried so hard not to cry again. I put my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arm around him. A single tear slid down his face. Spencer put his hand on Freddie’s other shoulder and looked at Cassie.

“She’s beautiful, Freddie.” Freddie nodded.

“Will you guys, um, can we just be by ourselves? With Cassie?” Freddie asked. Carly stood up and followed Spencer out of the room.

“We’ll make it through this, Sam. We will. For Cassie.” A few more tears slipped from Freddie’s eyes and I nodded.

“You did great.” He whispered.

“No, I didn’t.” I shook my head.

“Yes you did.”

“Why, Freddie. Why can’t anybody tell me why?”

“Because nobody knows why, baby, nobody knows.” Freddie broke and we cried over Cassie.

“She looks just like you, Sam.” I nodded and touched her face again. Her eyes were closed and she looked like she was sleeping.

“I can’t believe she’s gone.” Freddie looked at me and put his arm around me.

“Baby, I promise we’ll be okay.” Freddie whispered.

“I don’t think we’ll ever be okay.” I cried. He pulled me closer to him.

“It will be different, but we’ll make it. We’ll do whatever we have to do to honor Cassie’s memory.”

“I just want my little girl.”

“I know, sweetheart, me too. Me too.”

“How am I supposed to live without her?” Having her inside of me for the last 8 ½ months had done tricks to me. God had tricked me into thinking I would have the perfect little girl and the perfect little family.

“We will, honey.” The nurse knocked on the door and walked in.

“Hi Sam.” She approached me and hugged me and I started crying harder. I backed away and she put her hand on my face.

“Sam, I’m so sorry about Cassie. I wish I could tell you why. I wish I could bring her back to you. Just remember this is not your fault. It’s not. You did great. You did everything you were supposed to do for her.”

“Then why isn’t she with me?”

“I wish I could tell you, Sam. I wish I knew so I could give you something. But I can’t. There’s no reason why. Sometimes these things just happen.” I leaned against Freddie again.

“Sam, I hate to have to do this to you but we do need to take her so we can run some tests and arrange things with the funeral home.” I shook my head.

“Please don’t take her away from me.” Freddie kissed the side of my head.

“Sam, honey. We have to do what’s best for Cassie. They’re going to take care of her.”

“I can’t let go of my baby, Freddie. Please don’t make me. I’m literally going to die if I have to watch them take her away again. I need to have her in my arms.”

“Sam,”

“Please,”

“Baby, they’re going to take great care of her. I promise everything will be fine.” Freddie whispered. I couldn’t think straight. This was the last time I would see her before her funeral.

“Can we take a picture of her first? Or a lot?” the nurse nodded and called Carly back in the room. I wanted to cherish every second I had with her. Carly went crazy with the pictures. She took pictures of Freddie, Cassie and I and promised to touch them up so we didn’t look so sad. She took pictures of Cassie and Spencer. She had pictures taken of her and Cassie. Even Mrs. Benson had come to the hospital and had a few pictures taken with Cassie. I wished Melanie could be here to see her niece, even if Cassie wasn’t physically here.

“Sam?” the nurse came back in the room and Freddie looked at me. I took Cassie from Carly and stared at her. My princess. My angel. I kissed her forehead and fresh tears streamed down my face.

“I love you, Cassie Julianne Benson. Always and forever. You will always be my baby.” I handed her to Freddie and Carly hugged me.

“It will be okay, Sam. Eventually.” I didn’t want to listen to whatever Freddie told her. That would always between him and our baby girl. I turned back to Freddie and he looked at me before handing Cassie to Janet. I buried my face in his shirt and he rested his chin on top of my head. Softly he whispered,

“Goodbye, Cassie.”

X

We held a small funeral for Cassie. Freddie, Carly, Spencer and Freddie’s mom came. We didn’t need anybody else. Freddie didn’t cry, just stared. He spent a lot of time staring at Cassie. Carly and I spent the whole day crying, while we were getting ready, at the church, at the graveyard. She and Freddie helped me dress Cassie. We were allowed to dress her for the funeral.

Watching Cassie go into the ground killed me. She should be in my arms. She should be cuddling with Freddie and me on the couch watching movies. She should be at home with us. Instead she was here. Cold. Alone.

Freddie put his arm around me as they lowered her. My arm wrapped around him. I wanted to hold her again. I knew if I did I would never let her go. Carly took my free hand. I squeezed her hand hard, hoping I wasn’t hurting her, but trying not to scream.

The service was done. My beautiful angel was gone forever. Freddie’s mom hugged me before Freddie led me away from the graveyard. The drive home was quiet. I stared out the window, cried, thought and cried some more. Freddie kept glancing at me, unsure how to react.

When we got back to the apartment he grabbed the mail before opening the door.

“We got the results.”

“I don’t care.” I sat on the couch, staring at the blank television. Weather Freddie was her biological dad or not she was still gone.

“Babe. Let’s just read it.”

“Is it that important to you?”

“No, but it will always be important to you.” He sat next to me and opened the envelope.

_Fredward Benson is **not excluded** as the biological father of Cassie Julianne Benson._


End file.
